Making love

[Jackie]

I dont really enjoy the way my boyfriend makes love anymore. He has gotten the attitude just jump on and enjoy, except it s not that enjoyable for me. What should I do? I hate having sex now !

[sparkle]

Hi Jackie, Three words of advice for you:

 

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

 

Say to him:

I dont really enjoy the way my boyfriend makes love anymore. He has gotten the attitude just jump on and enjoy, except it s not that enjoyable

You're going out with this guy, you two should be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another. If something is bothering the other, you two should work together to solve this problem.

 

If you want to be nicer, you could perhaps tell him that, if he does so-and-so, it will put you in the mood, which will in turn lead to more enjoyable sex for him.

 

Don't let him "jump on and enjoy", and don't give in so easily next time. Turn him away and tell him honestly, "I'm not in the mood". Maybe this will make him realize that he needs to change his method to make it more enjoyable.

 

Back to the communication, tell him what you enjoy.

 

If he still doesn't get the hint, or refuses to try to please you, and if the sex is very important for you in this relationship, maybe this isn't the guy for you.

[Tony T]

When a guy jumps on a lady, enjoys, and goes his merry way, that's not making love...that's masturbation.

 

This man sounds too immature to be able to make love to you, to make sex emotionally as well as sexually fulfilling for you. It also sounds like he is very selfish and self centered, only wishing to satisfy his primitive desires. It also sounds like he is taking your availability for sex for granted.

 

Listen to sparkle. Communication is very important. But I'm not so sure that such a selfish person can be effectively brought around.

 

If you continue to feel empty and unfulfilled in the bedroom, after doing everything you can to get him to understand your feelings and act accordingly, take a close inventory of this relationship.

 

In my experience, it's always been very hard to communicate with a selfish person and make them unselfish. Sort of like trying to talk yourself out of having a broken arm...right after you've broken it.

[Fantasy(Stefan)]

Sparkle and Tony are both right, and, as a guy who likes to make love and "get" love, I can offer you this.

 

Communicate - but do it in aloving way. You have to express hwo you feel, and not subjugate your needs in the relationship, especially in this area.

 

If you can tell him in a loving way, that helps him hear how much you love him appreciate his passion and sexually energy, but that you would like it to be more mutual. You would like to share the experience equally, which means checking in with each other during love making. Trying to read each other's body, motivation, and excitement level. It is not just about getting off. Unless you decide it is going to be that kind of activity onece and a while, which is hard, this is love, and your sexual expression should be an extension of your emotions. Not the other way around.

 

Hope this helps. let him down gently, but encouage working though it together. Good luck.

 

Stefan (formerly fantasy - now my real name)

[Nic]

Tell him if he wants to "jump on, jump off", he can do it with a blow up doll, because that's about as much as a response he will get from you soon (if he's not already).

 

Tell him it means a lot to you to make love, but you want to feel like you are making love. you want it to be sensual and romantic because it's so much more enjoyable for YOU that way. any guy with a brain in his head and a bit of sensitivity would love the fact that they can turn their girlfriend on, if they don't just jump on top of them and start going for gold. to not think of your needs here is selfish on his part.

 

tell him there are other parts of your body that you like to be touched. i'd just be upfront and tell him he does not turn you on with his "wham, bam, thank you m'aam" approach. hopefully that will give him a jolt. be the straight shooter and tell him you don't enjoy his selfish approach to lovemaking.

 

if he doesn't listen, tell him you will find a sensitive, sensual, unselfish boyfriend somewhere else so you can experience what good loving is.

I dont really enjoy the way my boyfriend makes love anymore. He has gotten the attitude just jump on and enjoy, except it s not that enjoyable for me. What should I do? I hate having sex now !

[Deejette]

It sounds like you let him get into a bad habit of just jumping on and whaling away. You probably allowed it to happen because you weren't in the mood and thought it would be OK to just let him get it over with.

 

But now he thinks this is what sex is with you and hasn't gotten into the mindset that sex is mutual give and take. I know plenty of women who have this problem. One friend of mine handed her husband a wooden board with a hole in it and said, "Here, use this instead," because every night he hopped on, whaled away for a few minutes, rolled over and went into a snoring sleep.

 

It is what you allow in a relationship. So you have to stop allowing this behavior now. Refuse him if you are not in the mood. Make him work for it instead of taking it for granted.

Sparkle and Tony are both right, and, as a guy who likes to make love and "get" love, I can offer you this. Communicate - but do it in aloving way. You have to express hwo you feel, and not subjugate your needs in the relationship, especially in this area. If you can tell him in a loving way, that helps him hear how much you love him appreciate his passion and sexually energy, but that you would like it to be more mutual. You would like to share the experience equally, which means checking in with each other during love making. Trying to read each other's body, motivation, and excitement level. It is not just about getting off. Unless you decide it is going to be that kind of activity onece and a while, which is hard, this is love, and your sexual expression should be an extension of your emotions. Not the other way around. Hope this helps. let him down gently, but encouage working though it together. Good luck.

 

Stefan (formerly fantasy - now my real name)