dbrown1200 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 So my wife and I have been separated for about 5 months. The last two months we have been working on putting out marriage back together. Things seemed to be going well, better communication, noticing out faults, problems and working thru them. So yesterday I get a text from her intended for someone else, she was confessing her love to another man. Her response when confronted was " he helped me thru this tough time, and we are just friends " so she wants to meet tomorrow and talk. My question of course, what should I do? Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I really don't see what there is to talk about after what you read in the text msg. IMO should you decide to sit down with her just sit there and enjoy yourself have a drink,eat and be merry. You have already been apart for 5 mths and even if you thought that the relationship was repairable she looks like she has another agenda or at least had one. What is there to say at this point other then WTF. Look it's really up to you to decide what you are willing to put up with in your M. It appears that your W is having an EA while your apart and that's not going to help your situation what so ever. You could let her know that you are deeply hurt by what you just recieved(text) and that she needs to get her shyte together. Other then that which I'm sure she already know's why waste your time. Just sit there and enjoy the show you I mean wow it cost quite a lot to go to a live comedy show and she's giving you one for free. Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Wear some rubber waders....coz its gonna get pretty deep! Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I get a text from her intended for someone else, she was confessing her love to another man. Her response when confronted was " he helped me thru this tough time, and we are just friends " so she wants to meet tomorrow and talk. My question of course, what should I do? First thing bro is steel yourself. She is more than just friends is she is meeting him. 2nd, if she doesn't want to reconcile, then you can only do your part..you can't force her to change or try, so ask yourself honestly is she wants to save the marriage too or is it just you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 She confessed her love for another man. She confessed her love for another man. Say it again just so it sinks in in it's entirety and you understand exactly what is going on here before she tries to wriggle her way out of it. There is a reason for the separation and it has nothing to do with "rebuilding" your marriage" It's called cake eating, she's got you tethered with a reconciliation rope while she has an affair with this other guy. At least you now know the reasons for the separation. How you handle this henceforth will be pivotal to how you either save your marriage or wave goodbye to her forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Sorry to hear Dbrown - my marriage dissolved in a similar fashion. In hindsight - I put far too much effort in to save things - not to change me, but to give space and try to do the things it sounds like you've been doing. Where I was 'blind' in those moments - not wanting to believe what was happening my interactions with her left me vulnerable, was too easy to buy what she was selling. Every situation is unique but in my experience - if you strongly want your marriage to work, it may be a challenge to see and hear what's really going on from what your hearts wants to see and hear. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 ..........How you handle this henceforth will be pivotal to how you either save your marriage or wave goodbye to her forever. (...And I would definitely opt for the latter, if I were you.......) Link to post Share on other sites
Juls64 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 In my experience, it was very difficult to be honest with my spouse. I feared hurting him, our children, and just feeling like a disappointment. For a long time I would just go along and tell him what I thought he wanted to hear even though it often wasn't what I truly felt or thought. There comes a time when you have to be honest with each other. It can certainly be painful and it is difficult giving up the "security" of what you have versus what the future may hold, but until both parties can be honest about what they want and what they feel, nothing will change. Perhaps if you ask her to be honest and assure her that you can handle whatever it is she feels towards you and your relationship, she may be more comfortable opening up. Just a thought. (BTW, In my case there was not someone else) Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Two questions: Who initiated the separation, and based on what circumstances? What exactly did the text message say? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Dude, you have been played. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dbrown1200 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. The text reads " April: Your so handsome. your calming, easy 2 talk 2, fun 2 be around, great kisser, loving, great smile, my teddy bear great 2 cuddle with . So much more 2 experience and learn what else about you I will love and already do love about you. I love you David!!! Hmmm... and my name is Don.... The separation was initiated by my daughters attempt of suicide. One of the three factors she stated was my wife's emotional and physical abuse. Along with the abuse of her bio mother and being bullied at school. After investigation my wife was cleared of all allegations. My daughter has changed with helpand is doing so much better the two have interacted and all seemed well. Admitting their mistakes etc.. It seems my wife wants the marriage to work, she uses phrases such as " What the hell have I done" " No I want to work 2 work on us that jus happened b4 we started talkin again" Part of me is saying let her go its not worth it, it happened once and will happen again. The other part is saying you entered into a commitment, thru good and bad. I am a man of honor and commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Obviously, at the time of that text message, she had something sexy going on with this man. By sexy, I mean it clearly involved sex. Real sex. If she says it never happened, she is lying. If she says it is over, as of the text message, find out about this man. Call and ask if you can meet with him, be nice, be a sport about it, just let him know you want to get a clear picture, you are not looking for trouble. See if he is married, find out what happened from the horse's mouth, if anything is still happening. Simple as that. You have a right to know, period. Meeting or talking with him will also give her a wake up call. It shows you have courage and conviction - and you are not a push-over wimp, and you are not going to just swallow her story just like that. If you go on with your marriage to her, there must be total transparency. Please have a look at the Marriage Builder's Website. There are several good articles on infidelty and how to handle and prevent it from happening again. This author, Kevin Jackson, writes about infidelity from the man's perspective. This kind of material is not easy to find. Look him up, he does have a book. But you can sign up to get free e-mail advice, which is very enlightening. I have learned a lot from all the e-mails he has sent. If I were a man with infidelity on my hands, and wanted to save my marriage, I would invest in his material (I am basing my opinion on reading at least 15 of his e-mail newsletters - and I have, indeed, read tons of material about relationship problems). Good luck, Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 The other part is saying you entered into a commitment, thru good and bad. I am a man of honor and commitment. Where is the honor in being her fallback plan in case things don't work out with "David"? How committed to you and your marriage is she when she says to him " So much more 2 experience and learn what else about you I will love and already do love about you"? One person does not make a marriage. And her words aside, her deeds show she's checked out... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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