confusedincarolina Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Hi all, I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but would love to hear some reaction and advice. My ex and I recently broke up after almost four years together, the last year and a half we shared and apartment. Let's start with Girl A, my ex. We started dating in January of 2000, and it was mostly a physical relationship, with a lot of good sex. But in April of that year, one of my dear friends was leaving town. It brought out a whole world of emotions, and I decided I wanted to be with her instead. We'll call her Girl B. So I broke it off Girl A, and started dating my good friend, Girl B. At first it was a great relationship, but I started cheating on her, with the ex I had just broken up with. We just couldn't stay away with each other. Girl A and I work together and just ended up having a lot of fun. So Girl B and I break up in December of 2000. Girl A is dating another guy, yet we continued to see each other. In March of 2001, Girl A's boyfriend catches us togher. They break up, and Girl A and I immediately get together. At first I wasn't sure if she was right for me.. there was a great, I mean GREAT physical attraction, but was she the ONE for me. Those doubts would go away with time. We fell totally in love with each other. She turned out to be the very best friend I ever had. It was wonderful. Not perfect, I don't think any relationship is. But for the rest of 2001 and 2002, we were so in love. We moved in together in March of 2003. It felt right. But earlier this year, I could tell things weren't what they used to be. We weren't as intimate as we first were, and it seemed like we were very complacent, maybe even bored with the relationship. I would get upset when there were times she didn't want to make love to me. She says that her sex drive isn't what it used to be, and I accepted that. Fast forward to August. We have a huge fight, and bring up the fact that we're not happy these days. I brought it up so we could talk about it and find some sort of solution. She agrees, but says she wants to move out to have space. I'm totally shocked. How could she want to leave OUR home? This decision coincides with the fact that I found out another man had been calling her. It upset me, but I didn't think she was leaving me to be with him. I was totally wrong. She moved out her stuff this past Sunday, August 29th. Now just a few days later, I've discovered she's spending a lot of time with this guy and that she says she's happy with him. For some reason I keep asking questions about their situation, and she keeps answering with things I don't want to hear. She is already having sex with him, less than a week after moving out. That crushes me. It seems she's jumping head first into another realationship, and i don't know how to deal with it. I love her more than life. She is such a special person. I find myself calling her alot and asking questions.. and because of that she's getting really frustrated with me. She says she doesn't think we can work in a relationship. She says she's not in love with me anymore. Yet I know how she was treating me just a month ago, with a lot of love. My birthday was August 2nd, and the card she gave me meant the world to me. It was just so sweet and what she wrote in it was from the heart, saying she loved our time together and was looking to the future. So what the hell happened? How is she able to move on so quickly and be in a relationship and intimate with someone else? What do I do now? Is their any chance we could get back together? I really know in my hear that she and I could be happy together. I'm just shellshocked about how quickly things have changed... Please help.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 I decided I wanted to be with her instead. We'll call her Girl B. So I broke it off Girl A, and started dating my good friend, Girl B. Yada, yada, yada....you got back with A, and now she's dumped you. And you claim to be confused? Ok, I'll make it really simple for you: What goes around, comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
emra Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 It sounds to me like you ex really needs some help in relationships. First, the two of you are having an affair? And she basically goes from man to man. She is trying to cover up her emotions, You go from person to person with no time in between or start it while being with someone else, is a way of covering up your emotions. Sounds to me like she is going to go from one person to the other if she doesn't address these issues and along the way she is only going to continue to hurt one person to the next. What's really sad, is that if she continues down that path, she will be a very lonely person in the end. She will have no one to blame but herself. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Darling Emra, I think the main problem is the fact that somewhare during the last year together you stopped communicating. I think she estranged from you long time ago and meeting someone else made her leave you. It is hard to just leave a nice, long and comfortable relationship, even if it does not make you happy. Stop looking at what she did last month or last week. Think of her behaviour on the overall. Saying " I love you" is so easy, almost like an automatism, especially in a long relationship. It's hard to make the difference between rutine and actually meaning it. As far as your gf is concerned, give her time. The flavour of her new man will wear off and she'll end up with a another man. Who's not you. Even if she doesn't love you, it'll be hell for her. I don't know one person to take change easily. At best she will need time alone. Someone else demanding her to get involved, to feel, to invest emotionally... I can almost gurantee you it will not work. On the long run. So do not call relationship what she has with this other man. Call it attraction, great sex, lust, whatever... Let her know you love her and you're there for her and then do not call. Let her be on herself. That is alone, Emra. She'll have a shock when she'll realise you are out of her life. Forever. The main point: it's too soon to think you completely lost her and I can assure you she's not over you. PAtience, my friend, have patience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedincarolina Posted September 4, 2004 Author Share Posted September 4, 2004 CurlyIam Thanks for the advice. Its a really tought thing I'm going through right now. But I do think you're right about us not communicating. We did become to comfortable and its possible her feelings for me subsided a long time ago. I do know that we had many good times together and that she made me a better person. I'm trying hard to remember the good times and not what she's doing to me right now. Not easy at all... Emra, I think you're right aobut her not dealing with her emotion. She immediately goes from relationship to relationship. Its something I can't imagine doing. Who knows, maybe this is just a sign that she wasn't the one for me. But at the same time, I don't want to feel like I wasted 4 years of my life.. This really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
emra Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Hey CurlyIam, I love the reply, however it was not my post, I just responded to it. Link to post Share on other sites
emra Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 I don't think you wasted 4 years of your life. Figure out what you got out of the relationship? We always get something from a situation. And then decide what you will and will not accept in your life. Right now it might be hard to do. You might not know what it is right now. Everything happens for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
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