Am I doing the right thing?

[greenappleeyes]

So, here's my back story. I'll try to summarize as much as possible.

 

I started dating my best friend, who I had known for about 6 years prior to us dating. We had always happened to be in geographically different locations before he finally got accepted to grad school in my city. He moved here and since I still had a month left on my lease and he had nowhere to live, I invited him to live with me until he found a place of his own. I was his first girlfriend, and I had just gotten out of a 5 year-long relationship.. not to mention we're VERY different personality-wise, so it was a huge adjustment for both of us.

 

Short story, we dated for two years total, broke up and got back together five times during. Each time we wanted so badly to make it work, but found that the way we deal with things emotionally, how much time we prefer to have alone/together, and other nuances were so different between us. But we were always remained amazing friends.

 

When we broke up this last time, we were NC for a few weeks so I could get my head straight. I honestly fell out of love with him, started hanging out with friends I had lost contact with, and was feeling better about myself and being independent (something I've struggled with). I started to miss him as a person and initiated contact to be strictly friends, something he really wanted. For a few weeks everything was fine--we hung out and had great fun. One day we ended up cuddling and he began flirting pretty heavily and ended up begging me for sex. He told me he still loved me (just not "the way I wanted") and wanted to take care of me, etc. I told him no that night and for hours the next day, but for some dumb reason I relented and believed the things that he was saying (that we could make FWB work). All those feelings that I had tucked away resurfaced afterwards, and I found it really hard to go back to being just friends.

 

I still love him (but I'm no longer IN love with him) and honestly want to "date" him and just enjoy where we are with each other until he graduates and moves on to the next city in a year or so. No sex, no strings attached, no obligations to a relationship. Without labeling anything, we fell into this pattern for a few weeks and everything was great. But as soon as I asked him to call us "dating" or "seeing each other" at the very least, he spooked. I think he's become a little commitment-phobic with me since our relationship attempts failed so many times. This time, I wasn't looking for a relationship, just some good times before it has to end.

 

But anyway, since he doesn't want to commit in any way/shape/form and I don't think I can manage being his friend right now, I cut off contact completely and I'm now trying to get myself back on track.

 

I just need to hear that I'm going to find someone who WILL want to commit to me someday. Am I doing the right thing? I miss him so much, and it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to make myself miserable trying to be his friend just to make him happy.

[BonitaAppleBum]

awww. you will be okay. I once had a relationship like this but it was very violatile and this back and forth thing made them obsess over me. I have moved on many times. but what really worked for me was taking a second to BREATHE. you don't owe anybody anything. you don't want to do it, don't do it. you deserve someone to respect you and love you the way you need and the way you desire and **** him if he doesn't. there's millions of men out here that will treat you like perfection. trust me. can you answer mine now?