Wife unexpectedly is thinking about separating. I'm lost.

[ssml]

We are both 30 yr old and have been together for 10 years, married 3. We have a one year old daughter. We are both professionals, dedicated to our marriage and son. Never in our relation has the thought of separating arrived. We both feel for each other, have multiple "together time" each week, go out to dine several times per month etc. We have never been unfaithful or physically abusive to each other. We kiss each other tell we love each other DAILY.

 

Today, out of the blue, she mentioned she has thoughts of living by herself with my daughter. I asked to please elaborate. She explained that although I am the perfect husband by all standards, she wants to feel "more love", making me believe that we have reached a "boredom" in our relationship. She swears on my daughter there is no "other person". I asked if that is something I can change, she replied "I don't know".

 

This again, came out of the blue. Just an hour earlier we were smiling and making plans about our future vacation, etc. She is the type that dreams of the storybook love story all the time...and I've find it at times hard to achieve that at all times, every day.

 

In anger, but composed and out of respect for myself...I just packed a bag, told her I loved her, told her to think what she wants in life and to call me when she knows. I just checked into a hotel.

 

Devastated..,what to do next?

[Minnie09]

Fairy tale loves are unrealistic. It's a standard that you can't live up to, and btw, what is her contribution to that? Is she lovey dovey 24/7, showering you with attention, putting on sexy clothes just for you, cooking your favorite meals and seducing you non-stop? I bet the answer is no. You both have careers, a child, a life, responsibilities.....she's not a teenager anymore, so she should know that a life isn't a fairy tale.

 

Maybe telling you you're not good enough is her way of blackmailing you into doing what she wants from you. I don't know what your moving to a hotel will accomplish. If she really wants to be on her own, she can find herself a place.

Also, if the weird behavior on her part is untypical and new, I'm thinking affair. Have you given it any thought?

[Yasuandio]

Go home. Tell her you have thought it over, and you have decided she is correct, the marriage is not going to work out - it's impossible. You will assist her in finding another place, and you will help her pack.

 

Deliver this information nice and calm. Because, you love her, and you want her to be happy, right? I know this seems counterintuitive, but it is your only chance. She has her mind made up, and probably has someone else. If you seem like you can be happy without her - just like that, she may well re-consider. We have a poster right now facing this potential issue.

 

There is an author, Homer McDonald, who discusses the three sentence method that I basically outlined above. It would be important for you to comprehend the theories behind the application of his methods. There is enough free information on-line. However, I do recommend his book - as it permits an opportunity for you to send him a two page outline, and you actually can speak to him for a litlle while on the phone.

 

If you want to know more about him, just google Homer McDonald, and the word Interviews, there you will find readinds and 5 tape recordings. Listen to the tape recordings each about 5 or more times before you move to the next. It takes some real concentration to absorb this material - and own it, and truely apply it for real. I think this is your only hope. You have to literally change you attitude overnight - even if in your heart you have great pain, you have to start acting happy for her. I now it is weird. But there are hardly any things that work in a situation where a wife has decided to leave, as she normally has thought it out far in advance - and it's a done deal in her mind.

 

Homer also recomends Michelle Weiner Davis material - which is also contained on a very good website "Divorce Busters". Her books are very inexpensive on Amazon, Divorce Busters, and Divorce Remedy.