electricromantic Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 My wife and I have been married for ten years. We have a one year old daughter together. My wife told me a few weeks ago that I don't love her like she wants to be loved. She doesn't think she's a priority in my life, which isn't true at all. I try to show her how much I care, but it never seems to be enough. The funny thing is she doesn't love me the way I want to be loved. There is no intimacy in our relationship. She doesn't ever kiss me or touch me and sex is non-existent. My birthday and anniversary just happened, so a really long spell is in the works. It's more like we're roommates than spouses. We argue constantly. We've both been unfaithful in the past, but I think that's behind both of us. I know I won't do it again and I'm pretty sure she won't either. We've been working on our relationship for longer than we've been married and I'm just so exhausted. I read or hear about couples that are affectionate to each other and it literally makes me cry. I want that in my life and I'm scared I'll never have it. My wife is incapable of giving me that. I want someone that will kiss me at random times, everyday. I need that. I want something to change, whether divorce or my wife waking up, something needs to change. I don't want to tear apart my family, but can't keep going like this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Given that you have a one-year old child, I'm going to assume you're willing to do the work to make your marriage work. Counseling seems like an obvious suggestion, have you discussed it? Given the disconnection and infidelity in your shared history, you've got much to talk about... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) You do need counseling. But you bring up some points of interest 1) You both define love differently. That's an issue my wife and I have had as have many. Do you both clearly understand what the others love language is? 2) You say she is not affectionate or passionate/sexual with you. What about her affair - was she different with the OM? Why? 3) You have been together and had some rough times (affairs and such), but recently after 9 years decided to have a child (1 year ago) ...why? 4) Do you have a life outside of your marriage? Activities, hobbies, Passion or calling or roles that mean something to you ? Edited March 4, 2013 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
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