This is getting very complicated

[benm]

I wrote a post a few weeks back describing my situation. I have become very close with someone at my work for past 3 yrs. We have become very close over past yr or so where it has turned into an EA. It has never gotten physical because we both don't want to mess things up in our home lifes. We both are married, have kids, etc.

 

I mentioned that I have become more frustrated with our relationship although I still felt very close to her. We e-mail/meet in person almost daily.

 

It took a serious turn about 2-3 weeks ago as she told me that she was going on a business trip with one of my senior bosses (not my direct boss) at work. My senior boss had been planning the trip for a while and had planned a dinner with her. I was really struggling with this because, as a "friend", I was in no position to tell her she could not do something. However, I knew that if she became involved with him in any way that it could make for a very uncomfortable situation for all of us at work. Especially, if they got romantically involved and it broke up, it would be extremely awkward for me because my senior boss knows I am friends with her. He has seen me run down for coffee with her. FYI - he never has had lunch or coffee with her at our home office to my knowledge.

 

Well, I told her that I felt very strange about her going on the trip since they had planned this dinner. I did not say that she shouldn't do this or couldn't do that but I mentioned that it was very weird situation for me. She tried to say a few things about going on a lot of dinners while she is on business trips. She clammed up after that.

 

I get that people have dinners, go out for drinks while on business trips, I have done same but where it is awkward is the whole boss thing. FYI - she works in another department.

 

Anyways, this past week they went on trip and met up in another city. I don't know what happened since I have not talked to her since the one quick conversation I mentioned. What I do know is my senior boss has been acting very strange since it got back a few days ago. He has not said a word to me (usually says good morning/evening) and has been very friendly with others in the office but not me. Also, there was one time where we were both heading in same direction and he put his head down and did a quick 180 to avoid me.

 

I don't know what is happening but I am very concerned for the primary reason that my work environment is now very awkward. I take full responsibility for becoming close to her but I had no control over her going out with my senior boss. Also, I do not want to not talk to her for a while, I need to get my feelings sorted out and let this thing lie for a while. However, I do want to know what happened or at least what was said that would cause him to avoid me.

 

I appreciate any helpful advice here, please do not give me the pay attention to your wife thing because I agree with you. When you get yourself involved in a situation like this, there is not a lot of outlets to discuss. Thanks for reading my story.

[underwater2010]

She either told him about your inappropriate affair or she is screwing around with him. Either way you need to stop messing around with her and focus on your own marriage. Maybe this is the kick in the butt you needed.

[whichwayisup]

You're right, you get no say in who she talks to, dines with, where and when. I get that you're extremely jealous but in all honesty, you're making this much worse and more dramatic than it needs to be. This is a huge sign that you must detach from her and even consider asking for a transfer at work, or start looking for another job. This is why mixing business with pleasure usually blows up in people's faces.

 

And yes, I am going to tell you to focus on your wife. You're so distant and detached from her, so and TOO focused on your lady co worker.

 

Be strong and stay out of her business. This will only get worse if you don't back off and detach.