MM wife has asked me to leave town.

[TheOW]

Everything was quiet, I was enjoying our new apartment and new life with me and kiddo's then BAM

 

His wife came to my door and immediately I told her my kids were there and if she wanted confrontation now was not the time, she said she didnt she wanted to ask me something. She was talking so fast i could barely understand her she was saying how they are trying to work things out, then she said we cant do this while you are on our doorstep, your marriage is finished nothing is keeping you here. i was and still am dumbfounded. She was saying other things about their relationship and how their kids are best staying here and mines are not even at school yet so they can go elsewhere.

 

I spoke with my mother and she agreed with this

 

I'm still being backed into a corner and im losing the fight, im tired and the only thing keeping me here is my pride. I dont want to move away i have been here my whole life, i love it here and would like my kids to be brought up where their family are, but if my own mum wants me gone what can i do ?

 

My H said no he wants his kids as close to him as possible and was infuriated that this was even suggested he thinks MM should leave, i havent heard from H since.

[underwater2010]

She has no right to demand that of you....but you should be sure stay way away from her husband and her from now on. If she shows up again, please be sure to tell that you will talk with the police and file for a restraining order. As long as you have answered all her questions and ended everything with her husband then there is nothing more to say to her.

[LadyGrey]

You should make doing what is best for your children first and foremost.

 

No one here can tell what is best, you have the information to make the decision, we don't.

 

While I can understand mm's wife, making this request of you on one hand, on the other hand, what you do with your life as long as you stay away from her husband is none of her concern.

[TheOW]

Strange thing is she never asked me anything about our A, I have stayed away from him the last contact we had was via phone about a week ago and i told him i would not reply to any of his msgs again. He has text me since asking how the new partment was but I didnt reply (as much as i wanted to, im struggling with this because he was my friend and it seems he is the only one concerned about me) BUT i will not go there again with him.

[underwater2010]

Strange thing is she never asked me anything about our A, I have stayed away from him the last contact we had was via phone about a week ago and i told him i would not reply to any of his msgs again. He has text me since asking how the new partment was but I didnt reply (as much as i wanted to, im struggling with this because he was my friend and it seems he is the only one concerned about me) BUT i will not go there again with him.

That is why she is asking you to move. You both have broken contact and she knows it. Can you blame her? No. Is it fair to ask of you? No.

 

And just so you know....you don't have an affair and consider the relationship to be friends. That ship has sailed.

 

You are now considered her enemy....block his numbers and email NOW!!! The funny part is she would not have been able to show up on your doorstep if her husband did not know about the new apartment in the first place.

[ComingInHot]

TheOW,

I hope I'm not overstepping w/my comment but I would like to share what exWH & I did*

 

We were contemplating moving as we were growing the Co.

I got the email from exOW outing their A.

First week, I kicked him out.

He spent entire time trying to get back. Never contacted exOW at all. I made plans to move.

Second week, I allowed him back to prove himself while I proceeded w/moving plans.

He & I KNEW w/out a doubt that R was out of the question because of exOW's close proximity. Not because H would "go to her" , that was already over (but it was eating me up) but I could not look at our office, our ANYTHING, mall, restaraunts etc.. even though he took her One place and it was far away, EVERYTHING was spoiled.

Beginning of week Three, cars packed, children already enrolled in private , full tanks of gas, (pack of cigarettes and sunglasses... just kidding couldn't help myself ) and we Left The STATE.

It was the only way for me as a betrayed Wife to even contmplate, let alone work to R and it STILL took me another year + to deal w/it

Does that mean You move?

I don't know. Your call.

If exMM can pick up & move like my H could then he sound consider it.

I don't know if your job will allow it, but if so consider it.

All in all, I'm sorry that this is yet Another part from the fallout of yourA that you are having to deal with. ((Hugs)) **

[cocorico]

Everything was quiet, I was enjoying our new apartment and new life with me and kiddo's then BAM

 

His wife came to my door and immediately I told her my kids were there and if she wanted confrontation now was not the time, she said she didnt she wanted to ask me something. She was talking so fast i could barely understand her she was saying how they are trying to work things out, then she said we cant do this while you are on our doorstep, your marriage is finished nothing is keeping you here. i was and still am dumbfounded. She was saying other things about their relationship and how their kids are best staying here and mines are not even at school yet so they can go elsewhere.

 

I spoke with my mother and she agreed with this

 

I'm still being backed into a corner and im losing the fight, im tired and the only thing keeping me here is my pride. I dont want to move away i have been here my whole life, i love it here and would like my kids to be brought up where their family are, but if my own mum wants me gone what can i do ?

 

My H said no he wants his kids as close to him as possible and was infuriated that this was even suggested he thinks MM should leave, i havent heard from H since.

 

You *have* just moved. She's the one who wants someone to move, so since it's what she wants, she should be the one to do it.

 

I imagine she'd be pretty outraged if you had shown up uninvited on her doorstep and told her to move, yet she seems to think it's fine to demand that of you? I reckon it's time to whip out a RO against this woman before she finds yet more ways to exact her cheap revenge.

[ConfusedBlueeyes]

What gives her the right to turn up at your door and request that you should move away for her and her families sake.

Does she seem to forget her H was a part of this Affair why not just make him move out, she obviously don't trust him to stay away from you how will that affect her family? Or does she think you moving will help her trust him yeah maybe untill the next woman he so much as says hello to.

 

Her husband has played a part in you losing your family to its not all your doing so should you go and demand they move then?

Do whats best for you and you children no one else matters right now. Dont let anybody tell you what you should be doing

[LFH]

I'd have not taken that request well and after her previous behavior I'd be speaking to a lawyer/law enforcement about your rights.

 

Who does she think she is that she can try and run you out of town? Her request is outlandish and unreasonable.

 

The fact that your mom agreed makes me wonder if your mom is thinking it might be better for YOU far away, and if it is and that's a choice YOU want to make that's fine, but she has no right to demand anything from you.

[coffeebean201]

well now you know how she feels.

 

might help with the no contact with her hubby, for now.

[whichwayisup]

Everything was quiet, I was enjoying our new apartment and new life with me and kiddo's then BAM

 

His wife came to my door and immediately I told her my kids were there and if she wanted confrontation now was not the time, she said she didnt she wanted to ask me something. She was talking so fast i could barely understand her she was saying how they are trying to work things out, then she said we cant do this while you are on our doorstep, your marriage is finished nothing is keeping you here. i was and still am dumbfounded. She was saying other things about their relationship and how their kids are best staying here and mines are not even at school yet so they can go elsewhere.

 

I spoke with my mother and she agreed with this

 

I'm still being backed into a corner and im losing the fight, im tired and the only thing keeping me here is my pride. I dont want to move away i have been here my whole life, i love it here and would like my kids to be brought up where their family are, but if my own mum wants me gone what can i do ?

 

My H said no he wants his kids as close to him as possible and was infuriated that this was even suggested he thinks MM should leave, i havent heard from H since.

 

Don't move. Your roots are where you live. exMM and his wife will have to deal with this in a healthier way. Bottom line is, if she shows up at your door again, call the police. Let her know this too, that you are over it all and the A is over, you just want to be left alone. Not sure why your mother is siding against you...You two need to talk and sort it out though.

 

Edit to add - Do not think exMM is your friend in all this. He has his reasons for checking in on you but it's not what you think it is. You two may have been friends before the A, not anymore..Once that line is crossed, there's no going back. Do stay in NC mode with him, not only for your sake, but who knows if exMM has told his wife, maybe telling her you keep contacting him. Remember, he threw you under the bus before.

Edited March 3, 2013 by whichwayisup

[veryhappy]

I'm not up to date with your story to know why you're still in contact with your AP. Doesn't make sense.

 

Stop any contact with them both and go on woh your life. I would not move anywhere because somebody is asking me to move. Their problem if they don't like it. She also needs to stop contact with you. As for your mom, I suspect it's all about how the community sees her and the family, and less about you.

 

End the drama, end the contact and do what you want. They can do what they want with their lives, but without dictating yours.

[Pierre]

TOW

 

I pity the BW. You are young beautiful and with a great figure. Now you are single and with your own place. BW knows she cannot compete with you. Your mm is madly in love with you. If not for affair bubble love he would be with you now. The poor bw is basically destroyed.

 

However, I also see your point and he has no right to ask. Do not go for a RO. You would have to tell the court why you need one and that would be unsavory.

 

In the long run if you stay away from mm everything will be forgotten.

 

Hang in there, be strong. Try to be kind to the bw even if she is acrimonious with you.

[dreamingoftigers]

I would have told his wife about his continued contact with you and that you have not been responding and would like it to CEASE immediately.

 

And that regardless of where you decide to live, that you wish to see nor hear from either one if them again and that you SINCERELY apologize for the way this has affected her life and her family.

 

But that now how much your town means to you or your children isn't up for debate to her.

 

The only thing that is, is whatever shed like to say to you about the A.

[imfine]

It may seem like he's the only one that cares, but he's looking out for himself. He hopes you'll confide in him your thoughts & feelings rather than sharing them with his wife. He's doing damage control. And hell no don't move. If it'll save their marriage, they should make the sacrifice.

[Ms. Red]

My H said no he wants his kids as close to him as possible and was infuriated that this was even suggested he thinks MM should leave, i havent heard from H since.

 

^^ This is all that matters. You should do whatever you can to keep the children as close to their father as possible. Your family must come first. And your husband is still your family for the time being.

[TheOW]

I'm not still in contact with him as hard as it is I'm being strict with NC, I doubt he will contact me again. I don't think he did throw me under the bus either, he was honest with his wife about everything. I always knew he wasn't going to leave them so that was never an issue he told me if he was caught he still wouldn't leave and would fight for his family.

 

I'm not leaving, I will stay out their way, if feasible.

 

I'm beginning to understand what I have done to this woman, it's so hard to understand what you are doing while in the A but when it all comes crashing down your hit with so many emotions at once it's hard to sort through them all.

[Pierre]

I'm not still in contact with him as hard as it is I'm being strict with NC, I doubt he will contact me again. I don't think he did throw me under the bus either, he was honest with his wife about everything. I always knew he wasn't going to leave them so that was never an issue he told me if he was caught he still wouldn't leave and would fight for his family.

 

I'm not leaving, I will stay out their way, if feasible.

 

I'm beginning to understand what I have done to this woman, it's so hard to understand what you are doing while in the A but when it all comes crashing down your hit with so many emotions at once it's hard to sort through them all.

 

I admire your viewpoint. It shows you are human.

[whichwayisup]

 

I'm beginning to understand what I have done to this woman, it's so hard to understand what you are doing while in the A but when it all comes crashing down your hit with so many emotions at once it's hard to sort through them all.

 

She is reacting quite differently than your husband. He's chosen to be by himself and handle it his way, away from you as he doesn't want you to see him at his worst. I'm sure your husband is feeling that same anger it's just he's not gonna go knock exMM's head off like his BS is trying to do to you.

 

Start putting others first and forget it being about you. Focus on your kids, and your husband, hopefully when he's ready he'll come to you and talk this out. He will be back, he can't stay away from the kids. Plus, he does love you.

[TheOW]

She is reacting quite differently than your husband. He's chosen to be by himself and handle it his way, away from you as he doesn't want you to see him at his worst. I'm sure your husband is feeling that same anger it's just he's not gonna go knock exMM's head off like his BS is trying to do to you.

 

Start putting others first and forget it being about you. Focus on your kids, and your husband, hopefully when he's ready he'll come to you and talk this out. He will be back, he can't stay away from the kids. Plus, he does love you.

 

I've done nothing but put others first (post A)

 

I moved out our home

Told H everything he wanted to know and that he can take or see the kids whenever he wishes

Stopped shopping in local store incase it upsets his wife so there are no more confrontations

Stopped contact with MM even though it was so easy not to

 

I'm fully focused on my kids

Edited March 3, 2013 by TheOW

[threelaurels]

Unlike what others have suggested, I would advise against taking out a restraining order or pursuing legal action unless absolutely necessary (she's threatening you or your family). His wife is in extreme pain right now and is acting in the only way she knows how to cope with what she's feeling. She's trying to regain control of her life by exerting some control over you. Adding legal trouble to her plate will only make things worse for her.

 

ROs can also become public record, which can affect your future employment opportunities. You would have to admit to the affair on record to get the RO, and that information would be available to employers who do extensive background checks (should the RO become public record). It can also be used against you in civil court.

 

I would ignore both of them and try to focus on yourself and your children.

[LFH]

Unlike what others have suggested, I would advise against taking out a restraining order or pursuing legal action unless absolutely necessary (she's threatening you or your family). His wife is in extreme pain right now and is acting in the only way she knows how to cope with what she's feeling. She's trying to regain control of her life by exerting some control over you. Adding legal trouble to her plate will only make things worse for her.

 

ROs can also become public record, which can affect your future employment opportunities. You would have to admit to the affair on record to get the RO, and that information would be available to employers who do extensive background checks (should the RO become public record). It can also be used against you in civil court.

 

I would ignore both of them and try to focus on yourself and your children.

 

The BS has already placed her hands on the OPs child. All bets are off in my mind. She's gone out of her way to make the OP's life a living hell, so it's all there for everyone to see. Pain isn't an excuse for outlandish behavior or requests.

How does adding legal trouble to the person who is bringing it on herself make it worse for the OP?

Edited March 3, 2013 by LFH

[threelaurels]

The BS has already placed her hands on the OPs child. All bets are off in my mind.

 

If that is the case, a RO may be necessary. If the RO is temporary, it most likely will not go on public record. Any other kind of RO is most likely going to be made public.

 

Most companies outsource their background checks and are not thorough enough to come across the RO. A company that directly calls the police department for information will discover it.

 

The OP may also face other consequences if this goes public, such as not being able to purchase a firearm.

 

Many companies will not hire someone who has engaged in an affair because they do not feel they are trustworthy. I'm not saying this approach is right; it's just the reality of the situation. For example, adultery earns you an automatic dishonorable discharge in the US military because they believe that, if you are not willing to be faithful to your spouse, how can they expect you to be faithful to the country?

[jwi71]

Everything was quiet, I was enjoying our new apartment and new life with me and kiddo's then BAM

 

I fear the longer you stay in this long - the more this becomes your normal.

Is this sword of Damocles worth it?

You appear to be losing the PR battle in town - is living in this town worth the isolation and the stress?

 

His wife came to my door and immediately I told her my kids were there and if she wanted confrontation now was not the time, she said she didnt she wanted to ask me something. She was talking so fast i could barely understand her she was saying how they are trying to work things out, then she said we cant do this while you are on our doorstep, your marriage is finished nothing is keeping you here. i was and still am dumbfounded. She was saying other things about their relationship and how their kids are best staying here and mines are not even at school yet so they can go elsewhere.

 

There is a certain logic to her thinking.

Question is...given the totality of the situation - and given your own mother agrees...WHY are you staying?

 

You may be "proving your point" - but at what cost to you and your kids?

 

I'm still being backed into a corner and im losing the fight, im tired and the only thing keeping me here is my pride. I dont want to move away i have been here my whole life, i love it here and would like my kids to be brought up where their family are, but if my own mum wants me gone what can i do ?

 

If pride is the only thing keeping you here - you NEED to move before you lose. Pride goes before the fall remember?

 

This is not about "being run out of town" - especially considering your posts are giving me the distinct impression you are losing, handily, the PR battle.

Perhaps, instead of fighting (for what?) - move.

 

My H said no he wants his kids as close to him as possible and was infuriated that this was even suggested he thinks MM should leave, i havent heard from H since.

 

Drama, drama and yet more drama.

Why the hell do you CHOOSE to live in that?

 

Look, it was WAY out of bounds for the BS to ask that - although she HAS the right to do so. She has a right to protect her family as much as you do yours. But really, that takes balls to do that. Do NOT miss the message - she's willing to do whatever it takes to protect her family - to hell with decorum - and you are right in the bullseye.

 

Is it worth it?

 

You've already said you stay only because of pride. Bad reason.

 

If you DO wish to stay...the yes, time to lawyer up in regards to your D and in regards to the BS. Lost of time, money and emotional expense just to stay here. Be SURE its worth it. Think long and hard on it.

 

Its not about you winning or losing - its about healing, protecting and helping your kids and beginning to live a BETTER life. Can YOU do that here?

 

Its not sounding like it to me.

[LadyGrey]

The BS has already placed her hands on the OPs child. All bets are off in my mind. She's gone out of her way to make the OP's life a living hell, so it's all there for everyone to see. Pain isn't an excuse for outlandish behavior or requests.

How does adding legal trouble to the person who is bringing it on herself make it worse for the OP?

 

With all due respect, the OP's story about that was very confusing and she didn't clarify it if her child was put in harms way or not.