Are cowards a protected species?

[loserinthegame]

Still processing what has transpired this past week. It's been one helluva roller coaster, and I don't expect it to end any time soon.

 

Today, I am struggling with the fact that everyone on my husband's side of the family and friends knew about his new woman, that she had moved in with him, and she was even invited to his family, way before the two people who should have learned about it first (myself and our son). Very respectful to a wife of 20 years who supported him through thick and thin. His family, his friends knew, and all protect him know, casting me as the evil villain, as if I was the one who screwed up.

 

He essentially waited to tell me he wants out when he was sure this new woman would be a good deal. He wanted to tell me in the summer, but I got a text that was meant for her. He could have separated before he found someone knew, or even before they moved in together. Or when he was home visiting us this past week. But no! He knows I am a very honest, trusting, and loyal person, yet he threw me under the bus like that. I feel humiliated.

 

What's even worse, his sister is meddling in this, too. He is close with her, but she never liked me from the onset, because I did not meet her ideal of beauty, or that she thought her brother should have. A very shallow family in this regard. So she proceeds to e-mail our son that his father should have left me a long time ago, and that he only stayed for the son. Also, that I would hold others responsible for my own happiness, and that I am agitating the son against his dad. Followed by how they all still love him, and their home is always open to him etc. Can it be even more manipulative? I was disgusted, as they invited themselves over for New Years, fully knowing that I was being cheated on. Very disrespectful, IMO. In her mind, it's clearly all my fault that things went south. No word about his cheating, and his cowardice. That's all fine, and so understandable.

 

So, in about two months, my son is supposed to go visit his dad, who now lives with another non-divorced woman. I have great reservations, and I expressed those (not to the son). But ultimately, it is the son's decision as to whether he would want to go or not. As of now, he prefers not to. And again, it is being held against me, agitating him. The assumptions on their end are running rampant. He said he would feel very awkward seeing his dad with this woman, and prefers not to go.

 

Thanks for letting me vent here. I'm glad this forum exists!!

[aMguilts]

if he doesn`t want to go than who can make him?

maybe plan something in the time you haven`t got him?

best way to get even? is to show that you dont care

 

aM

Edited March 3, 2013 by aMguilts

[todreaminblue]

Still processing what has transpired this past week. It's been one helluva roller coaster, and I don't expect it to end any time soon.

 

Today, I am struggling with the fact that everyone on my husband's side of the family and friends knew about his new woman, that she had moved in with him, and she was even invited to his family, way before the two people who should have learned about it first (myself and our son). Very respectful to a wife of 20 years who supported him through thick and thin. His family, his friends knew, and all protect him know, casting me as the evil villain, as if I was the one who screwed up.

 

He essentially waited to tell me he wants out when he was sure this new woman would be a good deal. He wanted to tell me in the summer, but I got a text that was meant for her. He could have separated before he found someone knew, or even before they moved in together. Or when he was home visiting us this past week. But no! He knows I am a very honest, trusting, and loyal person, yet he threw me under the bus like that. I feel humiliated.

 

What's even worse, his sister is meddling in this, too. He is close with her, but she never liked me from the onset, because I did not meet her ideal of beauty, or that she thought her brother should have. A very shallow family in this regard. So she proceeds to e-mail our son that his father should have left me a long time ago, and that he only stayed for the son. Also, that I would hold others responsible for my own happiness, and that I am agitating the son against his dad. Followed by how they all still love him, and their home is always open to him etc. Can it be even more manipulative? I was disgusted, as they invited themselves over for New Years, fully knowing that I was being cheated on. Very disrespectful, IMO. In her mind, it's clearly all my fault that things went south. No word about his cheating, and his cowardice. That's all fine, and so understandable.

 

So, in about two months, my son is supposed to go visit his dad, who now lives with another non-divorced woman. I have great reservations, and I expressed those (not to the son). But ultimately, it is the son's decision as to whether he would want to go or not. As of now, he prefers not to. And again, it is being held against me, agitating him. The assumptions on their end are running rampant. He said he would feel very awkward seeing his dad with this woman, and prefers not to go.

 

Thanks for letting me vent here. I'm glad this forum exists!!

 

 

similar situation happened to me i dont know who knew......i am assuming his family didnt know.....because i was extremely close to my exes family....his mum in particular.......if they did know i dotn care anymore....i still feel the same about his mum....she is a wonderful lady who accepted this ex hooker.....and treated me like a daughter.......i told her actually that i used to b e...and she didnt care.......she understood....the circumstances......his work mates would have had to have known because they met at work.......i wasnt close to any of them......they were all males......

 

 

 

for whatever reason people decide not to tell whether they are mutual friends or not family or not........it doesnt change the situation or does it change what you husband did....when children are involved it is hard.......he made his choice....to em its abandonment.....my ex abandoned us when we actually needed him the most...i have forgiven him but it still stays with me....it wasnt his friends or his family who set that abandonment in motion......in all honesty.....it wouldnt have made a difference, his mum found it hard to talk to me after i knew, she was ashamed i think and didnt know what to say to me it must have been hard for her........thats what i think about how hard it is for lvoed ones to deal with.......a break up ...is hard on everyone...i dont think it comes down to cowardice i think it comes down to ...not knowing what to say....not wanting to hurt someone ......and holding back...it is the husbands place to be honest....first and foremost.. yours failed...my ex failed....not the people around them it is not their fault........

 

 

i have taught my girls well i think, i have told them to treat her with respect even though she did not allow me this luxury fo respect...doesnt mean my girls should be that way.....they dont feel comfortable around her and they hold her responsible.......but they spend time with them both and they have seen my attitude and have my quality not negative qualities..honesty and respect and if they dont have something nice to say they hold their tongue out of respect....they treat her with respect as my exes partner now because they love their dad.....as they will when and if i have a partner...and thats the way i want it..but with the partner i have it would be different in the sense there would be no mixed feelings of resentment and feeling torn....but just acceptance and respect......it might be hard for your son to spend time with his father, but you can always find positive lessons and experiences to teach him even out of negative situations..............dont teach him negative things that you feel....he wotn know how to get over them like you can...ask your ex if he could devote time with your son as a solo thing to start off with and repair that relationship between him and his son..there's always a balance you can get....i wish you much happiness.....and forget the sister whose opinion is moot and uncalled for...do unto others and if they are nasty.....they arent worth your time or effort definitely not worth taking what they say to heart....hugs to ya....deb