??

[hildadragon]

Hello,

 

I've been lurking for a while and today is the day I find the spherical objects to ask you all something.

 

A little history:

 

Me: Happily divorced

Him: Married for 30ish years

 

Friends for 4 years, shared interests and hobbies. Lovers for the last 2 of them and still on-going. I'll spare you the rest because it's all been written here a zillion times before and I'm not stupid enough to believe that we are that special.

 

So, some questions. I am incredibly careful about sticking to the rules about contacting him, i.e., no calls at the weekend, no meetings at the weekends, all emails about anything personal sent to a private email account only.

 

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

 

Can this woman really not know?

[LFH]

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

 

Can this woman really not know?

 

She can not know, or she can be sticking her head in the sand or he could be a really good bullsh** artist.

Does it make a difference to you if she knows?

[hildadragon]

She can not know, or she can be sticking her head in the sand or he could be a really good bullsh** artist.

Does it make a difference to you if she knows?

 

He's terrible at bull. Yes it matters. He says that if discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

[LFH]

He's terrible at bull. Yes it matters. He says that if discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

 

I don't know what to say to that. I would have broken up with him when he said that.

 

What are you getting out of this? Are you feeling fullfilled by your relationship with him?

[MissBee]

Hello,

 

I've been lurking for a while and today is the day I find the spherical objects to ask you all something.

 

A little history:

 

Me: Happily divorced

Him: Married for 30ish years

 

Friends for 4 years, shared interests and hobbies. Lovers for the last 2 of them and still on-going. I'll spare you the rest because it's all been written here a zillion times before and I'm not stupid enough to believe that we are that special.

 

So, some questions. I am incredibly careful about sticking to the rules about contacting him, i.e., no calls at the weekend, no meetings at the weekends, all emails about anything personal sent to a private email account only.

 

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

Can this woman really not know?

 

Obviously she knows something is amiss.

 

She may not as yet have enough evidence to put everything together completely neatly,but she isn't oblivious or turning a blind eye or anything like that. He obviously lies and gaslights probably when she confronts him, and it seems as though she isn't buying it and is zooming in on you and your contact and his behavior.That said, sooner rather than later, especially if he makes mistakes (which as it goes, as humans we do) she will probably have enough to figure it out.

 

My question is: are you worried she will find out or are you simply curious about whether or not she knows?

[whichwayisup]

Hello,

 

I've been lurking for a while and today is the day I find the spherical objects to ask you all something.

 

A little history:

 

Me: Happily divorced

Him: Married for 30ish years

 

Friends for 4 years, shared interests and hobbies. Lovers for the last 2 of them and still on-going. I'll spare you the rest because it's all been written here a zillion times before and I'm not stupid enough to believe that we are that special.

 

So, some questions. I am incredibly careful about sticking to the rules about contacting him, i.e., no calls at the weekend, no meetings at the weekends, all emails about anything personal sent to a private email account only.

 

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

 

Can this woman really not know?

 

Can YOUR husband really not know?

 

Are you worried that once she puts two and two together, finds out the truth about your A with her husband, she probably will call YOUR husband and let him know what you've been up to behind her back? Your focus is soley on her. Why? Both you and your MM are pretty good liars to pull this off, I'm sure your MM probably wonders how duh your husband is considering you're lying as much as MM to your own H.

 

You say you're happily married. Why cheat on your H?

[whichwayisup]

He's terrible at bull. Yes it matters. He says that if discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

 

Edited. Sorry, I thought your post said Happily married, I see it says happily divorced..

 

Still minus the stuff about your H, the rest still stands. MM is a skilled liar and I'm sure his wife doesn't want to believe he's that much of a schmuck to cheat on her.

[LadyGrey]

Of course she can't know for sure until she has proof, because your mm is lying his ass off to her.

 

Don't be so surprised when she confronts him with undeniable proof that she has been quietly acquiring. A smart woman will gather her evidence/proof to back up her suspicions. Sounds like she has reached that point.

[threelaurels]

He's terrible at bull. Yes it matters. He says that if discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

 

Then he has admitted that he will throw you under the bus if she discovers the affair. It sounds like she's already starting to put things together. Why are you staying with a man who you know will eventually leave you for another woman (his wife)?

[jwi71]

He's terrible at bull. Yes it matters. He says that if discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

 

There ya go.

 

She doesn't know - or it would be over right?

[Pierre]

Hello,

 

I've been lurking for a while and today is the day I find the spherical objects to ask you all something.

 

A little history:

 

Me: Happily divorced

Him: Married for 30ish years

 

Friends for 4 years, shared interests and hobbies. Lovers for the last 2 of them and still on-going. I'll spare you the rest because it's all been written here a zillion times before and I'm not stupid enough to believe that we are that special.

 

So, some questions. I am incredibly careful about sticking to the rules about contacting him, i.e., no calls at the weekend, no meetings at the weekends, all emails about anything personal sent to a private email account only.

 

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

 

Can this woman really not know?

 

You assume that nice innocent people are as malicious as philanderers.

[ComingInHot]

miss B's quote, " She may not as yet have enough evidence to put everything together completely neatly,but she isn't oblivious or turning a blind eye or anything like that. He obviously lies and gaslights..."

 

And when she has all the evidence she needs tied up in a nice little bow, the you know what will hit the fan. And if she is as a cute as you mention hildadragon, she will make sure you are down wind when it happens.

 

My concern for you is, "it will be instantly over" meaning MM is going to leave you covered and flailing in the you know what.

 

Sounds like a nice catch... not so much.

 

Are you really okay with this??

[spice4life]

Oh she knows. She is probably busy gathering evidence and once she has rock solid (sp?) proof she will strike. You are on notice hildedragon. It's only a matter of time. C'mon hildedragon, you're a woman. Not trying to sound harsh, but how could you not know? Once a woman becomes suspicious that's it...she instantly becomes a detective. And a GOOD one!

[Furious]

Oh she knows. She is probably busy gathering evidence and once she has rock solid (sp?) proof she will strike. You are on notice hildedragon. It's only a matter of time. C'mon hildedragon, you're a woman. Not trying to sound harsh, but how could you not know? Once a woman becomes suspicious that's it...she instantly becomes a detective. And a GOOD one!

 

 

I became the woman with the dragon tattoo, sans the tattoo, and kicked some major ass when I had solid proof.

 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[spice4life]

I became the woman with the dragon tattoo, sans the tattoo, and kicked some major ass when I had solid proof.

 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

 

I don't doubt you one bit. I bet you did.

[ThatJustHappened]

Hello,

 

I've been lurking for a while and today is the day I find the spherical objects to ask you all something.

 

A little history:

 

Me: Happily divorced

Him: Married for 30ish years

 

Friends for 4 years, shared interests and hobbies. Lovers for the last 2 of them and still on-going. I'll spare you the rest because it's all been written here a zillion times before and I'm not stupid enough to believe that we are that special.

 

So, some questions. I am incredibly careful about sticking to the rules about contacting him, i.e., no calls at the weekend, no meetings at the weekends, all emails about anything personal sent to a private email account only.

 

His wife's radar is pretty accurate. She is suspicious of me, asks a lot of questions. I've never met her but she knows we are friends.

 

She checks the 'family' email account often and re-reads messages from me a lot. Often, when he leaves here, he's in a rush and does not have a shower before he goes. She comments that he is often late home from work and that when she tries to call, his phone is engaged. Last week, I gave him my old phone so that he can contact me. She found it and although he covered and said, it was an old one he was given for his mum who had lost hers, he thinks she didn't buy it.

 

Can this woman really not know?

 

Klassy. Why are you putting yourself in this position with this douche who has no respect for you and has readily admitted that he will gladly throw you under the bus and dump you as soon as his wife find out?

[coffeebean201]

So he tells you that if it is discovered, it would have to be instantly over.

 

I'm not sure that is accurate.

 

I'm guessing wife knows. Wife figures he isn't strong enough to leave. Going through with a divorce takes strength.

 

I don't think your guy has really turned his mind to it. And if there is a DDay he is going to be all over the place.

 

I'm not sure he wants a divorce. He probably likes his life and he probably likes his wife well enough to live with her.

[whichwayisup]

if she is internet savvy or has a friend who is, and she's suspicious, it won't be long before she knows that he has another 'secret' account. Maybe she knows already and is waiting until the time is right.

[hildadragon]

Can YOUR husband really not know?

 

Are you worried that once she puts two and two together, finds out the truth about your A with her husband, she probably will call YOUR husband and let him know what you've been up to behind her back? Your focus is soley on her. Why? Both you and your MM are pretty good liars to pull this off, I'm sure your MM probably wonders how duh your husband is considering you're lying as much as MM to your own H.

 

You say you're happily married. Why cheat on your H?

 

Er, I actually said I am happily divorced.

[hildadragon]

Obviously she knows something is amiss.

 

She may not as yet have enough evidence to put everything together completely neatly,but she isn't oblivious or turning a blind eye or anything like that. He obviously lies and gaslights probably when she confronts him, and it seems as though she isn't buying it and is zooming in on you and your contact and his behavior.That said, sooner rather than later, especially if he makes mistakes (which as it goes, as humans we do) she will probably have enough to figure it out.

 

My question is: are you worried she will find out or are you simply curious about whether or not she knows?

 

Worried she will find out.

[Pierre]

Er, I actually said I am happily divorced.

 

Dating cheating jerks may reduce your state of happiness significantly.

[hildadragon]

Edited. Sorry, I thought your post said Happily married, I see it says happily divorced..

 

Still minus the stuff about your H, the rest still stands. MM is a skilled liar and I'm sure his wife doesn't want to believe he's that much of a schmuck to cheat on her.

 

I really don't know what she thinks.

[hildadragon]

Then he has admitted that he will throw you under the bus if she discovers the affair. It sounds like she's already starting to put things together. Why are you staying with a man who you know will eventually leave you for another woman (his wife)?

 

Age old reason for staying: I love him. I am old enough to know better.

[waterwoman]

Hi hildadragon

 

to answer your question, yes she really can not know! She might be concerned about his behaviour, a bit suspicious maybe, but unless you have been touched by infidelity before, 'he's seeing another woman' really isn't the first thing you think. Stress at work, midlife crisis, depression would all be more likely conclusions. But once she has dismissed those it might not take long to start thinking along the right lines.

[hildadragon]

miss B's quote, " She may not as yet have enough evidence to put everything together completely neatly,but she isn't oblivious or turning a blind eye or anything like that. He obviously lies and gaslights..."

 

And when she has all the evidence she needs tied up in a nice little bow, the you know what will hit the fan. And if she is as a cute as you mention hildadragon, she will make sure you are down wind when it happens.

 

My concern for you is, "it will be instantly over" meaning MM is going to leave you covered and flailing in the you know what.

 

Sounds like a nice catch... not so much.

 

Are you really okay with this??

 

No, not okay with this. There's is a long marriage and they both have much to lose if the marriage ends. For him it will ruin his respectable image, his business, finances, his relationship with family. For her, kicking him out will mean loss of social status, the big house, the meal ticket.

 

A couple of months ago, I told him the difference between me and his wife is that I love him knowing that he's a liar and a cheat but his wife doesn't know what he is capable of.