Fantasy Posted November 27, 2000 Share Posted November 27, 2000 I need all the online advice I an get from men and women. Tony has already hit me hard with reality. I don't want to be guy, a big grown up inner child trying to practice love, when what I'm really doing is practicing something else. I want to get this!. please read our string and repsond. thanks fantasy (Stefan) Link to post Share on other sites
Paranoia Posted November 27, 2000 Share Posted November 27, 2000 OK, after reading your all so "fantastic" expectations and after reading all the posts followed after that and THIS one as well...man, I have to say this but you never get satisfied, do you? After seeing how you posted THIS message after the descriptive details of Tony's reality check, it just seems like you have your mind set and unless somebody gives you what YOU WANT, you are never satisfied. I think it's your personality. THere is no way you are going to find a perfect person because that person only exists in your head, like the "perfect answer" to fulfill your ego is. What are you going to do about this? The problem is YOU, not your girlfriend, not Tony, nor anybody else here who is trying to help you out. I wasn't sure until I saw this message...it just hit me what kind of person you are. I am not being critical here, but just writing what I'm seeing and I don't really think it's something YOU want to see yet. Only after you realize what you are doing can you face reality and issues that you have to deal with. I know it's hard, but we've all been there, or are there....so go ahead and try to get as much input as possible...unless YOU change your mind set, nobody can give you the "right" answer. I need all the online advice I an get from men and women. Tony has already hit me hard with reality. I don't want to be guy, a big grown up inner child trying to practice love, when what I'm really doing is practicing something else. I want to get this!. please read our string and repsond. thanks fantasy (Stefan) Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted November 27, 2000 Share Posted November 27, 2000 Hi Stefan, Honestly, your post does come across very selfish but I believe your motives are admirable and your questions worthwhile. Stefan, when you find true love and when you are ready to give true love you will find the importance of YOUR needs diminish. Her well-being and peace of mind will be as important to you as your own. You will find a union where the WE- - the US that the two of you create is much better than the two of you separately. And that is a very hard concept to grasp or imagine until it happens. Right now you and this girl are approaching love from a very weak foundation. I admire that you are both in counseling, seeking to put to rest problems of and from the past. I would take this a step further, however, and suggest you stop seeking love until you have made peace with yourself. Love is only as strong as the character and heart of the person who offers it. For right now, the things you desire are valid but they truly stem from selfishness - - how YOU want to be made to feel... how YOU want the lady to treat you - - what YOU want done to YOU... Keep on with the counseling, Stefan. Your passion gives me great hope that you will eventually find the confidence to fulfill your own desires and find happiness in life. Once you become content within yourself you will not feel these other NEEDS so urgently. Then you can take the time to seek other values in a woman... things like kindness, gentleness, humor... things that will satisfy you even when you are old and feeble. Remember, when happiness seems out of grasp, look first at yourself. Best wishes, Taressa Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Being perfectionist may be a fantastic thing, but absolutely not a wise thing. While you are spending time searching out "the perfect one", (since there is nobody perfect,) you are wasting your precious time, not satisfied with anything. And, perfectionist parents will make their children miserable. Because no matter what they do, no matter how well they do, and how good they are, they will always be criticized by their dear parents and feel shamed. They will not be confident at all. If you don't love your current girlfriend for her personality and precious being, that's fine. Just don't expect everyone to be perfect. And don't make yourself a perfectionist, please. It is just not a pleasant thing at all being around with a perfectionist. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Obviously you neither know what it feels like to love or to be in love, or you wouldn't be bludgeoning this question to death. When love hits, it is an undeniable feeling. But you have to have a heart to feel love and you are operating out of your brain. This continuous disection of love and self-analysis renders you incapable of a beautiful, giving love experience. Being perfectionist may be a fantastic thing, but absolutely not a wise thing. While you are spending time searching out "the perfect one", (since there is nobody perfect,) you are wasting your precious time, not satisfied with anything. And, perfectionist parents will make their children miserable. Because no matter what they do, no matter how well they do, and how good they are, they will always be criticized by their dear parents and feel shamed. They will not be confident at all. If you don't love your current girlfriend for her personality and precious being, that's fine. Just don't expect everyone to be perfect. And don't make yourself a perfectionist, please. It is just not a pleasant thing at all being around with a perfectionist. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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