State of confusion

[Andrea]

I'm really confused and i would like some advice.

 

I'm 21 years old, and have just been asked out by a friend at work, the thing is, he is 46. I don't know if it would be wise to start a relationship with someone 25 years older or not.

 

Please help

[Tony T]

What you should be more concerned about is starting a relationship with somebody at work. This is not a good idea since things can become quite awkward and even uncomfortable over a period of time, especially with gossip and if there's an eventual breakup while the two of you still work together.

 

It will only compound the matter much more if you factor in the age difference.

 

There is nothing wrong with you going out as friends now and then, but there could be serious complications later if you start officially dating. It is very likely this man could fall for you in a big way and want a lot more. Many men his age die for young girls. For some it's an ego thing, but generally it's a biology thing where older men look for young women who can bare them healthy children. You may fall for him temporarily but the odds are very much against you wanting anything permanent. The big issue there would be when he is 65 and ready to retire and take Geritol (vitamins for older people), you will only be 40.

 

Ordinarilly, an age difference doesn't matter too much but in your case there will be so much you don't have in common. He lived on the planet for many years and experienced many things you haven't even heard of. When he was 35 years old, you were only 10.

 

You can go out with him without starting a relationship. But you would be doing yourself a major favor by dating guys closer to your age...a maximum of maybe 15 years older. There are people who have posted on this board who have dated and married men who were as much as 20 years or more older than them and they say they are happy (now). I'm not so sure they'll be all that happy later when they are full of energy and ready to do things and their men just want to have their backs set into place. But I really think you're better off with a good buddy and father figure in this guy at work.

 

Never a good idea to date people at work, no matter what their age. Whatever decision you make, be sure to make it extremely clear to him and don't let him try to manipulate you or put pressure on you if he doesn't like that decision.

[Ed]

I would be glad to give you my advice on this subject. However, my advice would differ depending on what your expectations are for any potential relationship with him.

 

Just because you go out on a date with him does not mean you will have a serious relationship with him. Maybe you are more concerned about what his expectations will be. Have you thought about just meeting him for lunch somewhere instead?

 

Dating people you work with can turn into a very awkward situation if someone ends up getting their feelings hurt. So it kind of depends on how much you like your job too.

[sparkle]

He's more than twice your age!!! Old enough to be your father!! etc etc I'm sure it's crossed your mind and you don't want to hear this.

 

How well do you know this guy? Make sure he's not married.

 

Make sure you don't become the "other woman". Sometimes older men seek out and manipulate younger women because they are so naive. But this is not always the case. Just be careful he's not trying to do this. Or maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis temporarily. Some guys buy Porsches. Other guys get some young hottie.

 

Does the age difference bother you? Are you interested in this guy? Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? Even I've been fascinated with these older and more experienced men myself sometimes (although not quite as old). If you do like him and he doesn't seem like the 'child molestor' type, just proceed with caution.

 

With the age difference being so great, you most likely have different interests and hobbies. Find out what they are. Get to know him better before you jump into anything.

 

If you're looking for just a fling or short-term relationship with this guy, you might have a fun time. This older, more mature man might be able to romance, wine and dine you, seem more patient and understanding, please you sexually...it might seem like an exciting adventure. He may make you feel more special or wanted than other guys your age could.

 

But keep in mind, if you do go out with him, you may have a rough road ahead of you. There may be rumors. People may be nosy and stare when you two are out in public, or call you a gold digger, or refer to him as a dirty old man. Your friends and family may not be able to accept this age difference either. You'll just have to look past their criticism and not let it interfere.

 

But all this is far down the road. For the time being, it would be a good idea to get to know this guy better, and to figure out if you really do like him or not.

 

Again, make sure he's not married.

[sparkle]

Oops, I didn't see this post before I wrote my reply.

 

Tony said some great things, especially about you two working together.

 

P R O C E E D with C A U T I O N

 

[Nic]

All i can say is, "if in doubt, don't do it".

 

21 is still young. things may be different if you were 25 or 30, because at that age, you're more inclined to know what you want, and realistically, you'd be more on the same wavelength. generally, age shouldn't be an issue, but you need to live a bit before you can feel on the same wavelength as someone who is 25 years older than you.

 

i'm also inclined to agree with tony about dating people at work. and can lead to a lot of troubles, especially through rumour and innuendo. and what if things didn't work out between the two of you and affected your work? you wouldn't want to have to leave your job or jeopardise your work performance over an office fling.

 

as the old saying goes, it's not wise for someone to dip their pen in the company's ink.

 

but, that's just my opinion anyway......

I'm really confused and i would like some advice. I'm 21 years old, and have just been asked out by a friend at work, the thing is, he is 46. I don't know if it would be wise to start a relationship with someone 25 years older or not. Please help

[Deejette]

You have to be prepared for what I call "The Rule of the Third Date," when things start really getting physical. If you are not willing for things to get physical between you then don't even start with even the first date.

 

I'm really confused and i would like some advice. I'm 21 years old, and have just been asked out by a friend at work, the thing is, he is 46. I don't know if it would be wise to start a relationship with someone 25 years older or not. Please help

[Queenie]

I'm with you sparkle, Andrea girl, you had better watch out

 

for this guy. I have had a few "older" men ask me out and

 

all they wanted to do was to show-up the younger men in the office that they "STILL HAVE WHAT IT TAKES".

 

Don't do it, please don't do it. All of the other women in your office (if they find out about this) will certainly be talking behind your back. Think clearly before you decide.

He's more than twice your age!!! Old enough to be your father!! etc etc I'm sure it's crossed your mind and you don't want to hear this. How well do you know this guy? Make sure he's not married. Make sure you don't become the "other woman". Sometimes older men seek out and manipulate younger women because they are so naive. But this is not always the case. Just be careful he's not trying to do this. Or maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis temporarily. Some guys buy Porsches. Other guys get some young hottie.

 

Does the age difference bother you? Are you interested in this guy? Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? Even I've been fascinated with these older and more experienced men myself sometimes (although not quite as old). If you do like him and he doesn't seem like the 'child molestor' type, just proceed with caution. With the age difference being so great, you most likely have different interests and hobbies. Find out what they are. Get to know him better before you jump into anything. If you're looking for just a fling or short-term relationship with this guy, you might have a fun time. This older, more mature man might be able to romance, wine and dine you, seem more patient and understanding, please you sexually...it might seem like an exciting adventure. He may make you feel more special or wanted than other guys your age could. But keep in mind, if you do go out with him, you may have a rough road ahead of you. There may be rumors. People may be nosy and stare when you two are out in public, or call you a gold digger, or refer to him as a dirty old man. Your friends and family may not be able to accept this age difference either. You'll just have to look past their criticism and not let it interfere.

 

But all this is far down the road. For the time being, it would be a good idea to get to know this guy better, and to figure out if you really do like him or not. Again, make sure he's not married.