End of 3-year relationship...Any help or advice is greatly appreciated

[Soccer2928]

Hello everyone. First I would like to say thank you to anyone who reads my post, and thank you to all who hopefully respond; all of your help and advice will be greatly appreciated. Second, I apologize for the long length of my post, and hopefully it doesn't deter anyone from responding. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for three years, and we broke up a little over three months ago. We started dating in high school and attended colleges not far from each other so we were able to see each other every weekend. For a long time in our relationship we both thought that we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. I know that I was an amazing boyfriend, and although I made a few mistakes (nothing serious), I was the only person in her life that truly did love and care about her. However, things between us became too comfortable and we began to take each other for granted. At the beginning of this summer, my ex decided to end things between us. She said that she still loved me but she wanted to experience new things and not be tied down to anyone in a relationship. Immediately after we broke up, my ex began dating but all of the guys she dated treated her horribly, and she ended up spending much of her summer at home. I was there for her the entire time as a friend, and even after she ended things with one of the jerks she dated, we got back together shortly. But this didn't last as she said that she felt we rushed back into things, and she wasn't ready for us to get back together. So we again broke up. For the first month after we broke up for a second time, I made all of the wrong moves: I begged her to come back to me even though she didn't want us to get back together, and I believe this pushed her away. However, once I stopped doing this, we were able to work on a friendship. Our friendship really didn't work too well, though, because there was still some jealousy and hurt on both of our parts, and we would often fluctuate from talking and not talking, being friends and not being friends. For instance, I would not be able to talk about girls without her getting extremely jealous, and her calling these girls names for no reason (It seems like she doesn't want to be with me but doesn't want me to be with anyone else), and this became a huge problem. Since we have been back at school, our friendship has completely deteriorated as she now doesn't have to spend her time by herself at home, and she now has people to hang out with. Well, I felt that after I was there for when no one else was, she was beginning to treat me not too well, and she was taking my friendship for granted as well. Recently I got into an argument with my ex about our relationship, and I basically ended things by sending her an e-mail. I told her that I believe she has changed as person, and that I was sick and tired of not being treated well, and that our friendship would never work. I told her that I would never be able to get over her if I kept talking to her, and I just wished that I could be over her like she seemed like she was with me. I thought that this was going to be the end of everything, and I actually felt fine about moving on. I blocked her from all of my internet communications and I took her numbers out of my phone. I really felt that I needed to do this in order to move on. Well for a few days, I was fine with everything but my ex called and apologized for everything. I told her that I was tired of being treated like this, and I again thought that this was the end of everything. However, she somehow found out that I had blocked her, and she created a new name and began talking to me on this name. I didn't want to be a complete jerk and ignore her, so I talked to her for a couple of days. She asked me how I was doing, about my "girls situation", and she was just being overly nice. After the couple of days I realized what I was doing, and I called her to let her know that I really couldn't do this anymore. She told me that she still wanted to be friends (even after I told her repeatedly that this wasn't possible), and that she still really liked talking to me. I asked her for the final time if she wanted us to get back together, and her answer was "No." The thing is, I think she was lying. I know that she still loves me, but it just seems odd to me that she would go through all of that trouble if she didn't want us to be together anymore. I then ended things, and have since blocked her and all of her friends on my internet again. I don't know where things are going to go from here, but if anyone has any advice or similar situations, it would be greatly appreciated.

[peach04]

Hey soccer2928, your ex girlfriend sounds like she has some personal problems that she needs to work out for herself. If the relationship is over that means that she can't be broken up with you and still have you all too herself. You sound like a sweet and committed boyfriend when you were with her and as a friend. Let her know that sense she said no to the getting back together question that she should go her way like she wanted and let you go your way. Being together that long does come with strong feelings, but you two will have be okay. And if it sounds like she ways lying about not getting back as a couple then maybe you two should make plans to sit down face-to-face and have a real conversation about where you two are coming from. Maybe it'll work out and feelings will be saved.

[EIN]

soccer2928, your ex is trying to control you. As you said she is fine when you're alone but when you start talking to other girls (to move on) she gets extremely jealous. It is sad that people dont realize that if you wish to be with that person, go for it but they say no and expect you to forever admire them like that. If you really move on, dont look back, ever. Then the good times with her is going to creep back inside of you. Change your internet name and avoid her as much as possible. If she talks to you, tell her your aunt you havent seen in 2 yrs is visiting by so you wont have time to talk to her. It was admirable that you tried to save this relationship but she has some issues. Dont let her control you. I can relate becuase I am not going to let this woman in the neighborhood where I work control me and we havent even dated.

[Bobbers Girl]

It sounds like you have the same issue that I had years ago with my ex husband.

This is what happened; due to all the craziness I needed to be swept away by someone and that is exactly what happened. I got remarried within a year of my divorce. He wanted me back so bad but just would not give me room to breath or even think. If only I could have had a year or so to myself to really think about what I really wanted I would have never gotten involved in a new relationship so quickly. Well now it's 17 years later. My ex and I have recently reconnected - he is also remarried. He waited 6 years for me. We now feel like we need to be together and have been seeing each other and sleeping with each other.

I guess what I need to say to you is cut your ties with her and give yourself a year apart no communicaton whatsoever to think what you want out of life - so you don't make the biggest mistake of your life. Tell her that is what you feel is the best thing to do and ask her not to jump into anything until she has completely thought about it also. I am 40 now and my ex is 43 and we already wasted so many years of being apart and it hurts so bad it looks to me that this is something that may happen with you and your ex.

When you are young you always know best - the truth is you don't know anything until after age 30. The hands of time can not be turned back no matter how hard you try. So make sure to always give yourself time to think things through and explore your feelings for her.

[blueman]

hey bro first off sorry for your situation. i am in a similar one with my ex you see we started dating in high school and carried it into college and after 2.5 years she broke it off for similar reasons your ex broke it off in fact what your ex has been doing is almost identical to mine. She just turned 18 and i seeing a 22 soon to be 23 year old!!!!!!! what i wanna say is if you were an amazing boyfriend and she dumped ur ass then screw her!!!!!!!! Let her make mistakes and get burned by other guys and if she truly cares bout u she will make a serious effort to get in touch and say she wants you back and at that point its your call bro. with me i think i would say no because of all the heartbreak and also the serious chance of just getting torn up again!!! keep moving on hang with ur friends get hot chicks numbers and just keep busy. Guys like us that treat girls with the utmost respect will see it pay off in the end remember girls appreciate a guy that is sincere and true and girls should feel lucky to be with guys like us that respect and treat women so well. so hang in there and just keep your NC going bro take care

[Chris gurl]

Baby girl.

 

Don't let your relationship go to waste because me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years and broke up recently because he said he wanted to expierence some new things so just try your best to work it out.

[Soccer2928]

Originally posted by Chris gurl

Baby girl.

 

Don't let your relationship go to waste because me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years and broke up recently because he said he wanted to expierence some new things so just try your best to work it out.

 

I have tried my best to work it out, but it has gotten to the point where if I continue to push further that I want us to get back together, it pushes my ex away. A relationship between us is not what she wants right now, and if I even bring that up then it annoys her. As of right now, she wants a friendship between us (which seems kind of shady because she expects a friendship and me to be there for her when she was the one who broke up with me), but I told her that I don't trust her at all, and it is up to her to earn that trust back. So she is going to have to decide what she wants, and in the mean time, I am going to live my life and do what I have to do to move on.