Emilia Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 My gorgeous but highly dysfunctional ex contacted me yesterday. I turned down the opportunity to meet up (and have mind boggling sex) because it would cause more heart ache even in the short run let alone anything long term. He probably won't contact me ever again as a result. Tell me I did the right thing please He is hot and the sex was always great, sizzling and intimate. I would have had a fantastic time - albeit only temporarily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I would have had a fantastic time - albeit only temporarily. You saved you from pain. I would say that was the best thing you could have ever done for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 You did the right thing. Whenever I let down my guard, and let a certain someone back into my life, he just dragged me further down, each time. I remember feeling free, more than once, when I dropped him, or he dropped me - I should have paid more attention to that feeling. He knows that I don't miss him, I miss who I used to be, before he got to me. Inviting him in once more would be beyond stupid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I slept with an ex in December after over 10 months of very limited contact. Even though it was amazing, I realize now that it was a terrible mistake. The problem with these things is the two parties are rarely 100 percent on the same page. In my case, I really thought our reunion was the start of rekindling something real. From my ex's actions/behavior afterwards, I see that he either viewed it as a one-time blip, or even maybe as a final goodbye. The end result, for me, has been a major regression in my post-breakup progress. I feel almost back to square one in the healing. I'm back in the grieving phase when I could and should be much further along. It sounds like maybe you think you could handle a "sex only" reunion... and maybe you could but don't underestimate your emotions. Also consider that the feelings of your "highly dysfunctional" ex might get involved in the wrong way. Sex with an ex... pretty much never a good idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 It sounds like maybe you think you could handle a "sex only" reunion... and maybe you could but don't underestimate your emotions. Also consider that the feelings of your "highly dysfunctional" ex might get involved in the wrong way. No I don't think I could handle it that way, neither could he, and that's exactly what I told him. I'm not embarrassed of my emotions. I would have enjoyed having a coffee with him and hear what he has been up to, he is very funny when he wants to be. There would have been mutual emotional upheaval though and I feel so much better today (almost neutral) than if I had met up with him (I'd feel disturbed for days maybe weeks) Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Did you ever do the right thing! Proud of you Emilia! This is a major milestone in healthy thinking about relationships. No more unhealthy patterns for you. You stand your ground and you know what's good for you. You so deserve these bunnies: :bunny: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Did you ever do the right thing! Proud of you Emilia! This is a major milestone in healthy thinking about relationships. No more unhealthy patterns for you. You stand your ground and you know what's good for you. You so deserve these bunnies: :bunny: Thanks Kamille. This was a big step yes, this is the BPD ex I was caught up with for years until I recognised the codependent pattern/issue (thank you Downtown again). I explained to him exactly my point (not that he comprehended it then, hopefully will do so later) and even though he got excessively emotional I handled it calmly and in a neutral way 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 He has no power over you anymore. You are in control with your self-respect fully intact. Yay!! XO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilia Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 He has no power over you anymore. This is the part that surprised me, I really thought he still had power because I was so concerned for his emotional well being - partly because he is in the armed forces, that doesn't tend to help anyone. I have no intention of looking up his facebook page or anything else that would show his face but beyond that there is no pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 You did the right thing by turning down a meetup with him. No point in allowing yourself to get sucked back into a relationship that you know is unhealthy. Being able to let go of a dysfunctional relationship completely is the only way to be emotionally ready to find and have a healthy one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilia Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You did the right thing by turning down a meetup with him. No point in allowing yourself to get sucked back into a relationship that you know is unhealthy. Being able to let go of a dysfunctional relationship completely is the only way to be emotionally ready to find and have a healthy one. Absolutely. I was worried that I'd feel I had abandoned him - as I felt in the past - but not this time. I think that's because I know I can't help. Well, not strictly true, I have emailed him some stuff that I know can help him in his clear moments but I can't help him as a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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