Fire and Ice

[EagleChick13]

Hi Everyone,

 

In the beginning of fall of last year in November I met this guy, well he had a g/f at the time but they broke up in spring and after the months in Febuary of this year I realized I liked him. So after a few months in April we became closer. Even employees and customers questioned us but we both denied it because we were to shy. But the thing is he always showed affection by teasing or coming in on his days off of work to visit me. The thing is everything was going great. Our friendship was becoming "closer" and he even said, and then one day, my guyfriend and I were talking about the type of person we might marry and he said, "I think I know who it is but I have to see if we are on the same level," now when he said this his face was blushing and he was trying not look at me to much but I knew what he meant. However we never went out on dates just stayed friends but become closer throughout the months. Then unfortunatly I left my job because of a long story. However we always talked on the phone and even hung out but something has gone wrong!! Terribly wrong!! Suddenly over the phone he has been giving me an attitude or jumping down my throat when we would talk and I never did anything to upset him. Now the thing is I have helped him throughout a long hard times throughout this year that none of his other female friends could even do. And I mean a lot. Now the thing is I realized I am in love with him that I would do anything for him. For we went out to lunch about two weeks ago and he treated me like ice. Then he started to do something when I spoke with him he would say Shutup for a moment or Shutup!!! He never did this ever!! And then when we left he said I always gave him an attitude and I said no I don't when was the last time? And he just shrugged because he had no reply to it. And then another conversation started up when he said to me I always give you an attitude." I don't understand and the last time I called him was that day to see if he got home okay and he said yeah and he was all cool with it and then he gave me a slight attitude again and said I'll ttyl and we both hungup. Now I have not heard from him and I don't want to call him because I don't want to be proven that I am weak and even my other guyfriend told me not to call him and prove. And its driving me crazy not to talk to him. And now I see him in school in three weeks in College. Now this is killing me. My heart is bruised even worse and when he even told me a while ago he was bad at relationships!! Provening to me that his love he was once showing me through friendship in someway I think I destroyed it but another part of me thinks he is to blame. After all that I done for him he was the one who took my friendship for granted and my heart that is bruised by loving him. The heartache is destroying me. What should I do? Please help. We once had fire which now became ice

[Taylor]

Hi,

He sounds like a very confused gentleman and he isn't treating you right, so you would be better off trying to focus on yourself and your own needs without him.

 

There are other guys out there and as long as you are holding on to fantasies about him, you are missing out on eligible guys that know what they want. You may never know the reason he has turned to ice. Maybe he only wanted a friendship and was just playing with you because he sensed how much you liked him... it was a game at your expense.... good for his ego. Maybe he is miserable because he has low self esteem and doesn't believe that if you really knew him, you would like him.

 

Maybe he is questioning his sexuality!

 

Whatever the reason, he isn't responding to you with respect and caring. I've known guys like this that throw out the bait from time to time, but don't know what to do when they get a bite. They only wanted to fish, not catch anything. He clearly isn't ready for anything with you, or you would know it.

 

You could also do the obvious that none of us think of, tell him the truth about how you feel and how you have perceived his past actions. Try to get him to talk about what has changed. If he is a good person, he will truthfully answer. If he isn't worth your time, he'll evaade answering, which tells you to forget about him.

[uriel]

You aren't going to be able to solve the puzzle of his feelings without talking to him about it. You know him best. How might you get him to open up? Is he maybe reacting to the feeling that you haven't returned his affection? Why hasn't this moved into a romantic relationship?

 

Sometimes that tension can break a friendship if it goes on too long. That's a possibility here, but you'll only find out through asking.

 

-- uriel

[EagleChick13]

I know what you are saying why we haven't hooked up yet its because of his other female friend who is threatened by me the reason is because she saw the influnece I had on him to change some of his bad ways. So she questioned him if he liked me and of course he couldn't really answer. This is how it is, the both of them have been friends longer like for years now, he and I have not even been friends for a year until November, however in College perspective this girl can't stand me for one bit. I believe its out of jealousy because what I have done for him and taught him she could never do. Its because what I like to call it, he is the bad boy she is the bad girl and their group of friends, now I am the religious girl who behaves and his female friend can't stand the fact on what I do! She is afraid that I will change him completely and make him really grow up. So she has stopped him from coming near me and even though he is a young man I believe he should make this choice out on his own. Now she just moved away for school and they no longer see another until winter break but maybe that is for the best in my view. And the tension is because I am old fashioned I believe the guy should make the first move or say something first. And I have returned his affection so many times either by our constant teasing or a hug or standing really close to another, he even got close about a month back when we were talking he just keep starring at lips like he just wanted to make a quick kiss and I mean his lips were close to mine when were talking and this happens a lot but some of his friends were right there so he never did anything. Now I think we would both know better by now we are in our early 20's and for our age he should know what to do!!! Like again I will see him in school but I am not calling him because I don't want him to think he has me wrapped around his finger. And if I try talking him about it might make him pull away even more that is how he is. So again his ice has frozen my fire!

[uriel]

Well, given this added into, I think it's possible he realizes if he makes a move it will cause a stir with his friends (he might not be as accepted by his old crowd). Also, it would mean longterm relationship (since you are this good girl), and he might not be sure about that.

 

I agree you should let him make the first move. That commits him. If you make the first move, he can always say it was a mistake or confusing or something.

 

But, again, I'd keep my options open and date other guys or at least chat them up. This guy might never make a move.

 

-- uriel

[EagleChick13]

Hi again,

 

 

I read your post and he did tell me a few weeks back that he wants a longterm relationship but with hidden clues again with me and his old friends get along with me very well except that other girl but she is away right now. His brothers even want him to make a few moves on me even his parents so obviously they know something. And then again you might be right that he may never make the first move. But I'll see him in a few weeks and I will give him space. Simply when me and him go back to school maybe what is happening is for a good reason. And when we head back maybe rekindle the old fun friendship but even though I am hurting and this might be or might not be the guy there is always another one who is waiting. So until then I need to keep my thoughts together and try not to think about him. This is going to be very hard.

[uriel]

That's a good plan. If his hesitation is all about this other girl blocking the relationship, that doesn't speak well of his maturity. Until he's ready to stand up to whoever and be himself and own his feelings, he's not ready for a relationship with you. That's why waiting for him to make the first move and be open etc. about the relationship is definitely the right thing.

 

Sorry this hurts. I'll hope he finds his courage.

 

-- uriel

[EagleChick13]

If he ever does but I was thinking about it last night and the only conclusion I came to think of it is: I am going to let him go. And see if he does come back and then it was mean't to be and if he does not then I will move on. Its the only healthy thing to do. And even its killing me deep inside its the best because he allowed another girl to control his love life, she destroyed what me and him could of had, but it will never be. So now my fire will burn brighter while his ice will become colder and alone after he realized the other female friend he had left for school and she will probably forget him, they usually do when they go far away. And when he turns around I won't be there either because I got tired of waiting and hurting. Thanks Uriel, I will keep everyone updated when everything begins in a few weeks.