Is this confusing? i'm so confused i can't tell.....

[Rachey]

my boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago now. we were very much in love, but a few personal problems became a bit too much and we didn't want it to get in teh way of our relationship.

 

my problem now is he has started seeing someone else and i am totally tormented by it. i cannot get images of him with someone else out of my head. i wonder if they have lunch together, every night i wonder if hes talking to her, i wonder if they travel to work together. i wonder all sotrs of stuff and it is driving me crazy. i hurt wondering if he's introduced her to his parents, because they never liked me (don't know why).

 

he wrote me a letter the other week telling me how unhappy he is without me, how much he loves me and always will. he said he feels empty without me and he hurts when he thinks of us together now that we're not, but he was afraid it might not work out between us. he said that this girl is nothing compared to me, and he doesn't know what he's doing anymore. he's just with her to try and cope but it's not helping him.

 

i just don't understand. if he loves me so much, feels so empty without me, if what we had was so beautiful in his eyes, if us being apart hurts and he thinks i am teh best girlfriend he will ever have and he knows he's missing out (all his words), then why is he so determined to get over me and us? i just don't get it.

 

if we're both hurting so much without each other, then what are we doing? we never fought, we never grew apart, we were always affectionate and loving and had so much fun together. we were brilliant together until his personal problems (which i don't have tim e to go into) became a real weight on him, and he didn't think it fair to put them on me. he knows how i feel about him and how unhappy i am without him, but he feels this is the best thing for us in teh long run.

 

i can't think clearly and i need to because i am so very unhappy and i feel like i'm in a rut. i feel like part of me has died and keeps dying.

[Nic]

Sounds to me like he knew what a wonderful thing he had with you, that he was afraid of possibly ruining it.

 

This guy probably does love you very much, but your relationship and you meant that much to him that he couldn't bear the thought of things even POSSIBLY going wrong.

 

you sound like you don't really want to talk about his personal problems, which is fair enough, but if they bothered him a lot and it was possible they might have affected your relationship, then perhaps he has done the right thing. he probably did it because of his love for you.

 

try to not to get too obsessed of the thought of him with someone else. there's every chance he may not be doing the same sort of things with her that he did with you. rebound relationships are common, especially when someone is trying to take their mind off a relationship that has hurt them. also, rebound relationships are usually disastrous, because the person hasn't dealt with the break-up properly - on their own. and 9 times out of 10, they fail.

 

him wanting to get over you is probably because he loves you so much and he's afraid that if you get back together, things might be ruined by him, and he just can't bear the thought of something so wonderful going downhill.

 

it is very hard to deal with something like this. but only time will tell what is going to happen, and only time can heal this wound for you, along with a lot of talking to friends and writing down your feelings.

 

i hope things work out for you soon. good luck.

my boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago now. we were very much in love, but a few personal problems became a bit too much and we didn't want it to get in teh way of our relationship.

 

my problem now is he has started seeing someone else and i am totally tormented by it. i cannot get images of him with someone else out of my head. i wonder if they have lunch together, every night i wonder if hes talking to her, i wonder if they travel to work together. i wonder all sotrs of stuff and it is driving me crazy. i hurt wondering if he's introduced her to his parents, because they never liked me (don't know why).

 

he wrote me a letter the other week telling me how unhappy he is without me, how much he loves me and always will. he said he feels empty without me and he hurts when he thinks of us together now that we're not, but he was afraid it might not work out between us. he said that this girl is nothing compared to me, and he doesn't know what he's doing anymore. he's just with her to try and cope but it's not helping him. i just don't understand. if he loves me so much, feels so empty without me, if what we had was so beautiful in his eyes, if us being apart hurts and he thinks i am teh best girlfriend he will ever have and he knows he's missing out (all his words), then why is he so determined to get over me and us? i just don't get it. if we're both hurting so much without each other, then what are we doing? we never fought, we never grew apart, we were always affectionate and loving and had so much fun together. we were brilliant together until his personal problems (which i don't have tim e to go into) became a real weight on him, and he didn't think it fair to put them on me. he knows how i feel about him and how unhappy i am without him, but he feels this is the best thing for us in teh long run.

 

i can't think clearly and i need to because i am so very unhappy and i feel like i'm in a rut. i feel like part of me has died and keeps dying.

[Tony T]

That personal problem stuff is a bunch of crap. When a man has problems, that's when he really needs somebody to help him through them, someone to be there for him for emotional support...someone he knows loves and cares for him. That's what relationships are all about.

 

I'm assuming you let him know you wanted to be there for him and he declined. He did so because he had other things in mind. You just don't end a great relationship because of personal problems. You work through them together.

 

Well these personal problems don't seem to be too much to keep him from seeing someone else. He tells you he misses you and feels empty but he doesn't invite you back into his life...hhmmm. And that letter he wrote you telling you how he loves you so much, etc., has G-U-I-L-T written all over it. But he was also sending you a message. Knowing how you feel about him and if he really cared about you, why in heaven's name would he talk to you about some girl he's seeing now. Look what that has done to you. This guy is a total worthless jerk for doing that to you!!!

 

I know you are very sad and hurt now but eventually you will see exactly what he did and you be damned pissed. Forget the baloney about this personal problems. Yeah, right...he has such awful personal problems that he ditches you and is so damned hurt and empty feeling he can attempt to replace you in less than a month. That's a lot of bunk and a big cop out. You know as well as I do that if there is real love between two people, they can weather all kinds of storms. Your ex makes me sick!!!

 

This guy is a creep and wanted out for some reason. I am mad as hell at him and I hope you will get that way real soon.

[Rachey]

He did try talking to me about it a number of times, but I couldn't really help him get anywhere with it and I was at a loss to figure out what to do. He used to get depressed and stuff and then decided he'd try and work it out on his own because it he didn't want to keep dragging me into it. It was something he should have been able to deal with but couldn't, and then that started eating at him. A couple of times i got upset with him, and he said, "i can't upset you like this everytime i bring it up, it's not fair on you".I told him to see a counsellor because he was starting to wear himself down but he was too embarrassed and said he felt like an idiot. the only person he would confide in is me, but i couldn't hlep.

 

I agree with you that love can get through any problems, but he thinks that constantly bringing up his problems is a big burden on me, when it's not. He's your typical person who bottles things up, lets things get out of control in his mind, and thinks talking about it is a burden on people, and stupidly thinks that the best way to handle things is on your own to avoid burdening anybody.

 

Yes, this has hurt me a great deal, mainly because I'm a big believer in the more you talk, the easier things are, but he doesn't see it that way, so now I'm suffering and I hate it.

That personal problem stuff is a bunch of crap. When a man has problems, that's when he really needs somebody to help him through them, someone to be there for him for emotional support...someone he knows loves and cares for him. That's what relationships are all about. I'm assuming you let him know you wanted to be there for him and he declined. He did so because he had other things in mind. You just don't end a great relationship because of personal problems. You work through them together. Well these personal problems don't seem to be too much to keep him from seeing someone else. He tells you he misses you and feels empty but he doesn't invite you back into his life...hhmmm. And that letter he wrote you telling you how he loves you so much, etc., has G-U-I-L-T written all over it. But he was also sending you a message. Knowing how you feel about him and if he really cared about you, why in heaven's name would he talk to you about some girl he's seeing now. Look what that has done to you. This guy is a total worthless jerk for doing that to you!!! I know you are very sad and hurt now but eventually you will see exactly what he did and you be damned pissed. Forget the baloney about this personal problems. Yeah, right...he has such awful personal problems that he ditches you and is so damned hurt and empty feeling he can attempt to replace you in less than a month. That's a lot of bunk and a big cop out. You know as well as I do that if there is real love between two people, they can weather all kinds of storms. Your ex makes me sick!!! This guy is a creep and wanted out for some reason. I am mad as hell at him and I hope you will get that way real soon.

[Deejette]

Even if you can't help him, the fact is that you are there for him. He sounds like he is jerking you around. Personal problems should never stand in the way of true love, unless they involve hopeless addictions and abuse.

 

People are in love relationships not just for the good times. I really don't get what is going on here with him. He is off with another girl and he won't burden her either with his problems? It doesn't make sense.

 

I can understand your feeling of loss, but he might just be worth losing: Especially after telling you how he is just using this new girl to get over you. That is not a very nice thing to do to another person.

He did try talking to me about it a number of times, but I couldn't really help him get anywhere with it and I was at a loss to figure out what to do. He used to get depressed and stuff and then decided he'd try and work it out on his own because it he didn't want to keep dragging me into it. It was something he should have been able to deal with but couldn't, and then that started eating at him. A couple of times i got upset with him, and he said, "i can't upset you like this everytime i bring it up, it's not fair on you".I told him to see a counsellor because he was starting to wear himself down but he was too embarrassed and said he felt like an idiot. the only person he would confide in is me, but i couldn't hlep. I agree with you that love can get through any problems, but he thinks that constantly bringing up his problems is a big burden on me, when it's not. He's your typical person who bottles things up, lets things get out of control in his mind, and thinks talking about it is a burden on people, and stupidly thinks that the best way to handle things is on your own to avoid burdening anybody. Yes, this has hurt me a great deal, mainly because I'm a big believer in the more you talk, the easier things are, but he doesn't see it that way, so now I'm suffering and I hate it.