honeygirl Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 I have a question for all the females out there and guys feel free to add your input. Well my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years told me last night that he thinks I need to lose weight because he thinks I've gained a few pounds, which i agree i do need to lose alittle weight. He said he is scared that as our relationship progresses that i will get fat and said that he doesn't want me to get fat because i am sure if i did the attraction to me will be lost. Well I already think his attraction to me has faded because me and him aren't as sexual as we used to be, he says its because stress of school and stuff but that can't be the whole reason. I just don't know what to think or do about any of this. Well he also told me that when we first started seeing each other he thought i was gorgeous, but he stills finds me pretty but i'm not as attractive to him as i used to be. what am i suppose to think when he says something like this?? makes me feel like i'm not good enough or pretty enough for him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 For one thing, he sounds shallow. For another, he sounds very controlling. For a third, he an insnensitive clod who talks before he thinks. Is this really what you want to settle for? Tell him, "Well, I thought about what you said and I've decided you're not that attractive to me either anymore. So I'm moving on," Then walk out with your head held high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=red][/color]DUMP HIM! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 The way you look on the outside shouldn't be the only thing that makes him like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author honeygirl Posted September 5, 2004 Author Share Posted September 5, 2004 see i never used to think that my phsyical apperence mattered as much as it did to him. he even called himself shallow because it does mean a lot to him. but then he says that i have all the qualities in a girl that he wants he just wishes i would take better care of myself. my head has just been spinning since he told me this because it was a total surprise. because everytime i ask him something about the way i looked he would say i'm sexy, i just think sometimes he would just say it so it wouldn't start an argument. i don't know.....because i love him so much and he says he loves me, but if he loved me as much as he says he does my phsyical apperence wouldn't matter to him, right? Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 if he loved me as much as he says he does my phsyical apperence wouldn't matter to him, right? That's how I see it. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are on the inside as well as the outside. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 he will realize what an ass he's being. Tell him you want a break from the relationship to think things through and clear your head. Then DO NOT contact him for at least a month. He will do some long hard thinking, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I think if the man wants his woman to look her best then unless she has a problem she should not feel bad and work on it. What is wrong with that? He wants a good looking woman. That is one quality that he liked about you. At least he told you. It is up to you. I would lose weight. Plain and simple. No big deal. That is how he like you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 What if she gets a skin disease? What if she's in an accident? If you are so shallow that a change in someone's appearance stops your love, then you didn't love in the first place. She hasn't gained three hundred pounds, you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 so are you saying appearance does not matter? Okay....get as fat as you want. He will always love you now matter if you blow up I guess Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I'm saying that acceptance matters very much. So some schmoe who can't accept someone DESPITE a few pounds is not worth being with. We aren't talking someone who's massively obese, here. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 My ex gained weight during our time together but I didn't say a DAMN thing to it about her because A) I didn't want her to feel bad B) It didn't really matter to me much, I loved her as much at the end as I did at the beginning C) I'm not that much of an a**h***. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Not everyone feels the same. You might like spaghetti with cheese. I might like spaghetti w/out cheese. The point is if someone you like has a situation that will not hurt them to change why not do it. I am not saying be a butt about it. But what is wrong with the guy wanting his girl to lose weigh if it bothers him? At least he told her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Any person who requires that another person remain totally unchanged physically should not be in relationships with humans. There are dolls you can buy that will always look exactly the same. Link to post Share on other sites
slimjim Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Well, i'm back. so it seems that you are still on the weight thing. maybe it does matter more than you are willing to admit. i so love these women who say"all i want is total honesty", and then cant handle the truth. you can mention drugs, smoking, bad habits, etc . etc, and other harmful things to your SO and be 'honest", but touch a woman's perceived vanity and you're a shallow insensitive lowlife. could not this weight gain be seen as a potential health problem in the future?? i bet that in the coming years this obesity thing will generate the same reaction as we have to smoker's today, when we can justify this "discrimination" of fatties on the basis of health related issues. this guy is just nipping something in the bud, and he shouldnt be so harshly judges for the all important "honesty" so demanded by women. the truth is, you cant handle the truth. this is not a small penis deal, what if you had a skin disorder, etc., the same old lame comparisons.------she has hand to mouth disease which is voluntary and she also has the will to control it. you people are just full of excuses, and people who are full of excuses are rarely good at anything else. moimeme, you are still a hypocrite. you say, well its not 300 lbs. so then, i guess its not enough weight yet to be a problem and should be easily lost. what a small price to pay as a giving gesture to the relationship. this is what a lot of guys really want---but society will not let them say it, even if it was 300 lbs. Maybe her BF is sensing her change and its also noticable to her, admittedly so. he doesnt want a doll that never changes; maybe he is looking for some signs of discipline that re-assures him that she will work toward this end in the future and not let it get to 300lbs. As usual, it applies to him also. so follow this lame advice and lose him, or just close your pie hole and get it done. you will feel better, look better, be healthier, establish a healthy eating lifestyle, and then go out and get somebody better if you want. by the way, I AM a woman!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Slim Jim: "You people are just full of excuses, and people who are full of excuses are rarely good at anything else." Max is full of excuses and he's really good at lots of other things. Judging people based on what they write for example. Seems to Max that the original post referred to losing a few pounds not 300 lbs. Your hyperbole in this instance suggests you over overreacting, for some reason, to the issue of weight. BTW Max is also good at longing for pretty plump latina women. And one day he's going to ask one out. Until then he'll just make excuses for his cowardice. Max is also good at honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpRun Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Drop him like a bad habit........you don't need that crap. Link to post Share on other sites
slimjim Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 you need to read the post again max--i guess you refer to yourself in the 3rd person or something. i was referring to moimome about her saying it wasnt 300lbs. of fat or something. she was suggesting it wasnt too much to justify a comment. she posts a lot on personal responsibility on this forum, and then ,like every one else, kills the messenger when it comes to suggesting a woman is too fat. the point is, overweight SO's seem to be a basis for friction in a relationship based on my own professional experience in my work. It;s a societal taboo to bring this up with women, moreso than i believe it is for women to bring it up to men. I just write very vividly and caustic sometimes just to grab your attention and make a point. you know, like when a marine corp DI screams in your face and then kicks your nuts in. it tends to focus the mind. just look at the message. you dont like the writing, go read daniel steele or something. just look at these other posts---no matter what this guy is or does or has done in this 2.5 year old relationship, he suggests 1 thing about weight and the majority of women on here (and a few guys) say "dump him""....that's it, no discussion, he's too shallow, etc. but let a bunch of women get together in a group and start to gossip at the watercooler about another woman, it usually digresses to her looks, weight, dress, etc. in many cases. get a woman totaly pissed and witness acatfight, usually one term thats universal is "fat cow" in there somewhere!!! the original poster acknowledged she could stand to loose some weight. maybe her SO would work with her to do so. Most of the time when men want to get their spouse to exercise with them it is code for telling them to loose some weight. just look at the consequences of telling them the truth!!! AND i am outa here... Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I'm worried that your bf is getting stupid. You should think about having him exercise his head a little more. Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Men want beautiful women to feed their ego. Women want self-confident men to make them feel happy. Kind of ironic isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by wideawake I'm worried that your bf is getting stupid. You should think about having him exercise his head a little more. :lmao: Amen to that! Link to post Share on other sites
Normella Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 If you have to ASK people for an opinion about something like this, I don't think he's the one with the problem in the relationship. :-\ Link to post Share on other sites
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