Is dating for 7 months and having no commitment too long?

[CantBelieve10]

So I've been dating a guy for about 7 months now and things are going good, as far as we get along really well and seem super compatible. We talk to eachother everyday, and make it a point to see eachother on the weekend, as we are both normally very busy during the week. I feel like a real relationship is developing except for the fact that he hasn't ever invited me to hang out with him and his friends, and Have only once been to his brothers but never met his mother.

 

I'm debating on bringing up our relationship status because its really been lingering on my mind and quite honestly it's beginning to slowly but surely bug me to not know where we stand. I sometimes think he just assumes we are a couple because of the way we are towards eachother but really I don't know for sure.

 

Do u guys think I should say something or just play it by ear? And if I should say something how should I go about it? This is all very new territory for me. I usually don't fall for guys in the past, but I feel differently in this relationship. Please advise!! Thanks

[ls32ssibm]

If you want a committed relationship and he doesn't or hasn't shown any interest I suggest you stop wasting your time with him and find one.

[TaraMaiden]

My H bought me an engagement ring after 2 months... I wear it alongside my wedding ring....

 

There should definitely be a feeling of security and an understanding of "where you guys are at" by now.....

 

I think you take him to a bar, sit opposite him and ask him how he sees you guys as being.... casual? Serious?

Committed?

Where does he see this R going?

 

I really think at this stage you deserve to know what's what.

[CantBelieve10]

I think the time has definitely come to have the talk. I'm really dreading bringing it up and have been hoping he would.. Sometimes he'll be sitting across from me talking and all i can think about is bringing it up. But i always feel like Jim Carey in Liar Liar, I just cant get the words out of my mouth!!

[TaraMaiden]

In the middle of his talking to you, hold up one index finger.

He will stop talking.....

 

...."What....?" he will say.

 

You reply,

"I need to say something."

 

Now, you can't back out.

 

Go.

[CantBelieve10]

LOL you make it sound like a piece of cake. Unfortunately, i know myself well enough to know that its not that easy for me..

[TaraMaiden]

I know it's scary.

it's scary because you fear it may not go the way you like.

You fear he may not be on the same page as you.

 

I think it would be a bit scarier, really, wouldn't it, to discover a few further months down the line, that he secretly considered you a 'make-do'.....

Whether it's a defining moment or the confirmation of wasted time - you need to do it.

[AverageCat]

The girl should always be starting the talk IMO.

 

Just start a normal conversation about how crazy it is that you guys met and have been spending so much time together and let him do most of the talking, while you just direct the conversation into "what you guys are" topic.

 

If he's really really shy then be more direct.

 

Cheers,

[JennaMax]

I see your concerns...you should mention this to him, just the way you said on this forum. It's possible that he may be keeping you away because he doesn't want his friends or family to spoil your relationship. I was in this situation before, which is why I'm suggestion this.

[clia]

The girl should always be starting the talk IMO.

 

I totally disagree.

 

But, at seven months you should definitely bring it up if you are looking for a committed relationship. The two of you could be on totally different pages. You mainly want to make sure you aren't wasting your time with a commitmentphobic guy who just considers you to be a casual relationship while he looks for his Ms. Right.

 

You think it can't happen? Oh, it can. Many years ago I dated a man for nine months. We were sleeping together, spent several days a week together, I had met his entire family, we had gone on trips together...but we had never had any sort of exclusivity talk. (At that time I was still young enough that I didn't believe exclusivity talks were necessary. I thought it was implied after awhile. Ha!) While we were at his best friend's wedding, he introduced me as his "friend." I did a double take. A few days after that, I had a talk with him, found out that he did not consider us to be exclusive, committed, or boyfriend/girlfriend, even though he was not dating anyone else. It was a shocker to me. I dumped him.

 

Just ask him whether or not he considers the two of you to be in an exclusive, committed relationship. If he says "yes," great, move on to fun topics. If he says "no," ask him if he sees it going in that direction, and if so, what has to happen for it to get there.

[truth_seeker]

You haven't met the mother yet? Sorry, but there is no future. Take it from me: By the 6 month mark you should know his family and his friends, and he should know your family and your friends. Also by this time, the both of you should know where the relationship is going - marriage or killing time till you find someone else.

[SJC2008]

You should become exclusive somewhere between 2-3 months. If your lives haven't merged by now somethings up. I do find it strange though that yall tall everyday and see eachother regularly. My first guess was that he may be EA or a commitment phobe as a big indicator of those are not meeting relatives. BUT they also seem to blow hot and cold be he doesn't seem to be doing so given your constant communication/seeing eachother.

[Jane2011]

I'll preface to say that there are some exceptions, but MOST of the time (in my opinion, 90% of the time), when a man really wants a woman and feels great about her, he acts like it from the start or very close to the start.

 

I'm thinking of guy friends I've had who had women they really wanted, or situations I've been in myself. The guy acts very much like he's afraid of losing the woman, and hence he treats her WONDERFULLY and with a lot of commitment-like behavior because he doesn't want her to go anywhere.

 

My biggest annoyance with men and women alike is wishy-washy situations. I'm not anti-casual-sex (when that's where one is in one's life at the time) and I'm certainly not anti-serious relationships. Not all of my own situations have been serious or had long term potential. But at least when they were casual or even sordid sex, I knew it and so did the guy. There was no "I think it's kind of a relationship but I don't know where I stand" (for seven months). That'd drive me crazy.

 

Don't be involved in those situations. I hate when people are half in and half out. Annoying. Be all in or just have casual sex with me, lol.

[xpaperxcutx]

Of course, dating 7 months long without any commitment is long. You basically told the guy you're fine with casual and you have no expectations:eek:.

 

Most guys would jump at the chance to introduce you their family and friends, otherwise it feels like they're trying to hide the fact they're dating.

 

Do you not feel like you deserve more? To be acknowledged as a girlfriend, considering the amount of time, effort and emotion you put into this guy?

 

If you don't want to ask him, then you shouldn't be having this problem.

[CantBelieve10]

So what do you think about doing it over text? I just dread the idea of the conversation not going the way I'd like, and then im stuck in an awkward situation i dont want to me be. You think doing it over text will screw me over in any sense? Or should i just stick to the face to face talk?

[TaraMaiden]

No.

Texting is the coward's way out.

Sorry dearest, but - how would you feel if he texted you it was over?

Not nice.

 

No sweetheart.

You got to grab the bull by the balls and go for it.....

[ascendotum]

So what do you think about doing it over text? I just dread the idea of the conversation not going the way I'd like, and then im stuck in an awkward situation i dont want to me be. You think doing it over text will screw me over in any sense? Or should i just stick to the face to face talk?

 

In relation to the bolded bit, I guess it depends if you consider the time you spend with him now as wasting time. If you are young time matters less then the good time experiences, but I know for older women they would be pissed off over what they would see as time wasted because it did not lead to a LTR. If you found out in 2014 that he never considered you two as serious would it piss you off more than you would feel awkward about discussing it sometime in 2013?

 

Do you get ILYs from him every so often or have you never dropped the bf word to describe him in conversation?

If you want you could test the waters by describing him as bf in a conversation and watch his reaction or drop in conversation about the 2 of you going on holiday to another country next year and watch his reaction. It sounds like you are in relationship except the no meet friends + parents bit. Suggest having a night out with his friends and watch his reaction, if you want to kick start a conversation on your status.

Edited March 6, 2013 by ascendotum

[SJC2008]

So what do you think about doing it over text? I just dread the idea of the conversation not going the way I'd like, and then im stuck in an awkward situation i dont want to me be. You think doing it over text will screw me over in any sense? Or should i just stick to the face to face talk?

 

Contrary to what many men say it's the mans job to progress the relationshp so he should of had any talks with you regarding exclusivity. TBS it's been too long so I think you do need to bring the situation up becuase it seems he never will. You need to be prepared to her that he's not looking for a commitment and if you are you need to walk. It's hard but people feel trapped because they feel they can't do better.

[CantBelieve10]

Just an update, a conversation i had with him today:

 

HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym.

Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you.

HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead?

ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical

him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that?

ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is...

ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited

HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that.

ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas..

HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough.

--END--

 

 

UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed.

 

I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!"

 

i HATE this.

[oldschool1]

I don't think you should be depressed over this conversation (which sounded like it happened over text). This was not a proper talk!! He was trying to be sweet, but you set him up. It sounded like you were trying to tell HIM that he was single. Is that what you want? I don't think it is.

 

When you see him, have an actual conversation. Tell him what you want, and discuss where you're both at. If possible, try to explain that text (because he might be confused by it). You've been together long enough to talk for real, so please go for it!

[zanesfan]

Just an update, a conversation i had with him today:

 

HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym.

Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you.

HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead?

ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical

him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that?

ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is...

ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited

HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that.

ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas..

HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough.

--END--

 

 

UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed.

 

I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!"

 

i HATE this.

 

I think he was telling you in his own way that he only had eyes for you. You wanted him to spell it out for you. He didnt fail. You did set him up and you got disappointed.

[DC4]

Just an update, a conversation i had with him today:

 

HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym.

Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you.

HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead?

ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical

him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that?

ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is...

ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited

HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that.

ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas..

HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough.

--END--

 

 

UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed.

 

I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!"

 

i HATE this.

 

oh NO NO NO NO. You told him he's single. If someone said that to me, I would have no doubt in my mind they were making it clear we were NOT exclusive. You're gonna have to revisit this one if you want to be exclusive with him.

 

"I just need to revisit something I said the other day. I'm not sure it came out the way I wanted it to. I was asking if you felt 'single'. I'd rather be exclusive but I didn't want to come off as too pushy" or something sort of softball like that. These conversations are SO HARD for me. They turn my stomach.

 

If you're not a big baby like me "hey-that convo the other night. I was actually ASKING if you want to be exclusive. do you?"

[TaraMaiden]

For the record, the OP has 2 threads currently running on this. Contributors here might like to glance @ the first one, if they have not already done so.....