Lovely.Lady Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Good morning to you all, I hope this is the appropriate forum! I am a bit troubled this morning and would appreciate some advice, words of wisdom, personal experiences, anyone who can relate and listen really. Here it is: My fiancée has a beautiful 6 year old whom I adore and she adores me! He and his ex never had a "partnership" as she kept him around solely for support and eventually cheated causing him to move out. Never married. Then we met. We had lived together for one year before we moved out of state. And here is our problem. My future BIL and his girlfriend left everyone and everything behind at home last June and spontaneously moved 6 hours away. My BIL is the only family my fiancée has as their mother passed a few years ago and they are estranged from pretty much every family member.. Sad how deaths can tear families apart. Anyhow, my guy wasn't making money in the city we were living in and we also made a quick exit. My dad loves my fiancée and tells us he's so happy we are doing well here. Of course, he had secured a job before the move. However, money has been tight and we havent been able to send his daughter as much money as agreed. This is a huge blow to my man's ego. But this morning I asked him how she was after they got off the phone before she went to school and he said it seems like she doesn't want to talk to him and is distant. I can tell this is really eating at him. When something reminds him of her he always points it out, but other than that, talking about her only upsets him that he left her and I think guilt is telling him he's a horrible father. We plan on getting her for at least a month this summer as we havent seen her most of the year and she wants to go see Justin Bieber with me! I'm just scared she'll feel like her dad is a stranger and possibly the mother is telling her less than kind things about us leaving. Our lease is up in a month and I told him that we can move back if that's what he wants. But he said we're establishing ourselves finally and have already lost so much. I said: "money is money we'll always be okay. I just worry about your happiness. your so strong for me but i have no idea how vulnerable you are." he replied: "I just hide my emotions that I have no controll over. I just need you to be strong for me." I just want him to not hurt but I don't know how. I don't know if I'm asking a question or just wanting support for venting.. either way your input is greatly appreciated. I know this little girl loves and respects my husband, maybe I'm just trying I figure out the difference he's seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I think he should do everything in his power to move back to where she is. Otherwise, he will be a stranger to her because he simply won't get to see her in person very often and won't be a part of her life. Think of all the recitals, sports events, and rites of passage he is going to miss by being away. I think your suggestion to him to move back was right on. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I just don't believe in making decisions to move when you have a child that needs you. The guidance they receive from their parents - good or bad - is crucial to their development. We ARE how we were raised. Link to post Share on other sites
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