wasitheone Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 OK here goes. Was seeing my girlfriend for just under 6 months ( short term compared to a lot of people I know ) but she was the one. She also repeatedly told people that I was the one - hence the nickname. Things were going great then about 2 months in she suddenly walked out one night (alcohol induced). Next day we chatted and she said that she cannot believe good things can happen to her and she will hit the self destruct button. I then promised her that I would stay with her no matter what and put the whole episode behind us. Fast forward 2 months and we had both been away due to work but met up again. At that time I was living with another woman and her kid purely for financial reasons (try buying a house on your own near London!!). This woman decided to have a party the day we both returned even though she knew we were both exhausted. Anyway during the party there was a lot of arguments between several guests and I threatened to call the police - but no one was listening. So I went outside and kicked one of the kids toys out of my path. The woman I share the house with saw this and basically attacked me. My girlfriend was in tears so we left immediately for a 3 mile walk to her brothers at 2am!!! During the walk my girlfriend jokingly said that that woman would not be invited to our wedding - hadn't proposed to her yet as I was going to wait 6 months. So the next couple of months were a bit rough as she didn't have a place of her own and she didn't want to step foot in my place (and I can understand why). We then went to a party on a Saturday night and my girlfriend had a good few drinks but I was driving. She got a bit tearful but said to one of her brothers friends that I was the one. The following week we didn't see much of each other and then on the Friday she said we are finished, saying she doesn't love me as much as I love her. I told her that the love she has for me is enough for me and then told her about the promise I made to her several months ago - but to no avail (she wasn't drinking - and no she does not have a drink problem). This was just over 2 months ago and I haven't had any contact with her for about 6 weeks. The last time I saw her was when she told me she had met someone else and she said she wanted to tell me in person - didn't take it too well! My life has fallen apart. I have had a month off work due to stress, I have moved out of the house I bought and rented a place. Basically everything has gone wrong. Now to the question. I still believe we were right for each other. Everyone who knows her said we were right for each other. I feel as strongly about her now as when we first met. I don't even mind she has met someone else (although if we do get back it will have to be after that relationship has finished). I feel I love this woman unconditionally!!! However my life is still slipping downhill and she doesn't know how bad it is getting. At first I was off work due to stress but now it has changed into major depression to the extent my therapist has urged me to contact my doctor! On the one hand if I contact her it may help me out of this hole but the danger is that it will not and I do not want her to feel any guilt if the worst happens. On the other hand if something does happen will she feel any guilt that she didn;t make contact with me? Let me get this straight right away - I feel my life is over, nothing good has happened, I'm getting tired and when I get confused - well. I do NOT want to get her back by threatening anything. I do NOT want her back if she feels pity towards me. But the most important things is I do not want to hurt her. To be honest this post is probably a good way of venting my frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Hi, I read your post, I know how you are feeling and most of the people here are going through the same thing....I too keep saying to my self that things are going wrong for me, I still mis my ex, I dont know what will happen with that situation, but I will give you some advice, that people here have told me, I am still hurting and it will take time, I still miss my ex but I am getting better. The advice I have for you is to take care of yourself right now try to get your life in order you are not good for anyone right now....for the girl you love or for anyone. I know its hard I am going throguh it right now....My life and career has gone to the Sh@t and I am working on fixing myself....If it is meant to be with you and this girl it will happen if not the only person that can look after you is yourself....I am learning that everyday. it does help to vent on this site...there are days that I feel low and alone...we all do...it sucks and I dont know why we have to go throgh this but I guess we do...Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Notorious Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 When my breakup first happened, (a few weeks ago) I felt the same way you do. It feels like a black hole that you can't escape from. I had to take 4 days off of work because I couldn't leave the house. I'm still feeling down, still miss her like crazy, but I'm beginning to feel better. I've also gotten the "wanted to tell you in person" crap. It sucks. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, you just have to ride it out. As the previous poster said, if it's meant to be, it will be. Hang in there buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I agree with Notorious, everyone here will support you, but you have to ride the wave....I am doing it, but I am not a good surfer...so its taking me longer....just hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
Author wasitheone Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 It is amazing how the mind works. One day you cannot see past the end of your nose and then the next day everything becomes clear again!! I have to admit just writing the post helped. It is as if you answer your own questions as you write them down. When I read it again I though "OH S**T" what have I done! But that is where this site and all its members helps. Some things need to come out in the open. At first you cry (well I did anyway) but the problem never goes away. Talking to people is probably the next best thing but you get to a point when you feel you are exhausting your friends and family going over the same stuff again and again. The next advice given is go out and meet people - yeah right! Hi I'm xxxx, by the way I am feeling really low - want to be my friend!!!! Hmm don't think so. This is the place to let it all out - it works. We are not alone, nothing is new and we can all cope - Its just that sometimes it doesn't seem that way. Anyway why the change if attitude you are wondering. Basically I was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. One online test said I should seek medical help immediately!! So as any experienced surfer does I surfed the web about depression and its causes. It seems you get stuck in a daily loop according to one theory. You think about stuff that cannot be resolved (will she come back) but your mind cannot close the loop as it does not know the answer. So when we sleep - dreams kick in and close that loop. How many of us are experiencing lots of dreams? We dream too much, wake up feeling tired and the whole process repeats. The trick is to break the cycle. In theory in 24 hours you should be able to snap out of it. So today I have just got stuck into work, told a few jokes and chatted to everyone. Another thing that also seemed to work a couple of weeks ago is to tell yourself you love the person who has left UNCONDITIONALLY! Yep if they are the one they deserve that. When you start asking yourself will they come back just say - "I love them unconditionally". I doesn't last forever but it will help you through the day to day stuff. I have learnt a lot about myself these past few months even though I am 36! The way I look at my life at the moment is not the best way to live but I am still living! As someone once told me "you're a long time dead". Sod that. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 hey thanks for that post, i was feeling a little low and I needed that....It is so hard to get out of that loop...i keep on replaying it over and over in my head....I thought getting older would help (im 30) but I guess heartbreak does not have an age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wasitheone Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 Stuck in a loop, stuck in the moment. All the same. The only problem is that we cannot seem to get across to people who care that the loop is so very real and painful. The other thing that may help shut the loop down is to carry out a "ritual" to close the loop in a thought! OK I don't mean get a live chicken etc. Just do something like burn an old photo of them, throw something out - anything that means you close that thread in your mind before you go to sleep. I think in this case "sleep on it" is the wrong method. I did say "ramblings of a broken mind" and now you can see why. I have basically taken my mind apart and its sitting on the floor in pieces. But somehow it is beginning to make sense - apart from why she left me that is! I am in this way because I feel into the dreaded loop and somewhere in the back of my mind I know that although the breakup put me here I am keeping myself here. But for the first time in weeks I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope its not a train coming towards me!!! As for an insight on depression check this site out:- http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk It helped me understand why I am like this and also how I may be able to escape. Hang in there everyone. Good things must/do happen but sometimes we miss them. Link to post Share on other sites
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