manalone Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Been with a 47 yld woman for 6 years...lived together for 3 and I got out after a blow up with her, in my opinion, excessive drinking. Since then I spend weekends with her but see her every day. I still do things around the house for her and I guess I'm still "there". She was married for 8 years in her twenties and since then has had a few unsuccessful relationships. She was/is pretty insecure and did things like setting up joint bank accounts, buying flowers weekly, complimenting her appearance etc.. But it all went haywire when I realised she was, in my opinion, an alcoholic or bordering on one because she'd do things like get out of bed at 1am and have a drink and say things like " I deserve a drink, I've had a hard day at work". I think she doesn't know when she's had enough to drink and continually throws them down when we go out, which is fairly regularly. I then have to reason with her and it's usually the next day's plans ,which are pre planned, that I use to get her home. I drink lightly because I'm the one who has to function or drive the next day and I'm the one who keeps an eye on her the night before...enabling?? Recently, we were out and we'd had a few, but, unbeknown to me, she had downed a bottle of red before I picked her up. Later in the night, she became verbally abusive towards my absent on the night family and friends because some had compassionately voiced their concerns to her about her drinking. Her Father was present and sort of got into the act but it escalated into an all out argument. I've always got on with her family famously and now she says I've ruined a perfectly good relationship by being argumentive and abusive towards her on the night. I don't know how she can remember because usually after a big night, she doesn't surface until midday and then hasn't a clue what went on the night before. Her Father has now said that I have a problem, but I maintain it's her problem not mine. I'm an ex hotelier for 10 yrs and I rarely drank (and still do) but rather had a bottle of Beam filled with Claytons which I used when I drank with customers. I've seen the effects of alcohol with people and I reckon I walked into this relationship with my eyes wide shut. I knew she drank when we met, I just didn't realise how much. She now refuses to talk to me and has threatened to call the police if I go anywhere near her property. I'm angry at myself because on the night, with the benefit of retrospect, I could have handled the situation better. I thinking I need to just walk away completely from her and wipe her. She recently went on a 10 day self initiated cleansing program which deleted caffeine, nicotine and alcohol from her system...she was absolute heaven to be with, so she is a wonderful person sober but I think her only true partner in life is the bottle. To top it all off, Ive recently noticed her 20 year old son coming home from work and having a drink because he's had a hard day at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Absewarrior Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 manalone: I really feel for you, man. Addictions are no fun to be around, especially if you are on the receiving end of her drunken tirades. What concerns me is that her father seems to blame you...why do you think that is? This isn't something that will just go away on its own. I guess I wouold have to weight the pros and cons and see if the rewards of when she is sober outweighs the pain of when she is not. Make sure you take care of yourself though since this can be very destructive on the partner. AW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoebe Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 She now refuses to talk to me and has threatened to call the police if I go anywhere near her property. I'm angry at myself because on the night, with the benefit of retrospect, I could have handled the situation better. I thinking I need to just walk away completely from her and wipe her. She recently went on a 10 day self initiated cleansing program which deleted caffeine, nicotine and alcohol from her system...she was absolute heaven to be with, so she is a wonderful person sober but I think her only true partner in life is the bottle. Sounds like she's ended the relationship. My advice is to leave it at that and move on to the next chapter of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author manalone Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 Her Father separated from her Mum when she was 5 and only had proper contact with her again when she was 23. He knows she has a drinking problem and I've spoken to him since the latest situation. He said he didn't mean that Ive a problem but rather Ive been with her for 6 years and by now should know how to handle her when she drinks...but geez, that's been ongoing for the past 5 years and I think "who is he to throw rocks?", she is his absolute first born out of 2 marriages and 6 children and therefore has that special bond with her. In the course of our recent conversation, I still maintained to him, she has the problem, only she can fix it when she admits it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 The problem with having an alcohol problem, is that it never goes away after you have it. Some people do walk away from alcohol and never go back, but it is a daily struggle, every day for the rest of their lives, to not go back. I was just with a girl who cleaned up her act for me, to save our relationship, and quit drinking. Very much like your story, we had a fight that to this day I still feel bad about how I handled it, and her response to the fight was to end the relationship, go back to drinking, and tell me if I ever went anywhere near her again she would charge me with harassment (at the time I wasn't even GOING anywhere near her anyway). The woman who once told me how much she loved me, needed me, and what a difference I had made in her life, after one year sober fell off and crucified me the moment she did, for being the person she once declared her overwhelming love for. I lost my girlfriend, I lost my best friend, and watch from a distance as she seems to be going off the rails. I don't like alcohol at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 OP, if you have assets in her house, involve a lawyer. As an alternative, get the fu*k out ... her son is on his way to becoming an alcoholic too. Where do you think she got it from ? I'd bet good money it's either mommy or daddy. And daddy won't ever say anything bad to her, because she's his little girl and wants a relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author manalone Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 appreciate everyone's feedback....Recently, she received a phone call at 2am about her 20 y'old son who was passed out ,drunk, in the street around the corner from a local hotel. He got lucky, a good samaritan pulled his mobile phone and found 'Mum' on it and rang her...but she was too drunk to drive. She rang me, I found her son and took him home..... and told her,then & there, no more, in future, she'll need to get someone else to run around after her....broke my heart, but I had to do it for my own sanity...To her son's credit, he tracked me down couple days later & thanked me. It was all deja vu to me, because a few years ago, I did the same for her older son who was drunk and punched & broke a shop window which resulted in micro surgery on his face & hand. Same scenario, she was too drunk to drive...I should have woken up then..but Radu, I got the f*ck out this time...its the only way.... again, thanx for everyone's feedback...much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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