Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Why do guys joke about serious things? It's about ego right? My boyfriend often makes jokes about this. Eg If you got pregnant then I'd have to take this new job, to support us. Then actually wanted no protection and "if it happens (baby) we will deal with it". I don't know what to say after this. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Why do guys joke about serious things? It's about ego right? My boyfriend often makes jokes about this. Eg If you got pregnant then I'd have to take this new job, to support us. Then actually wanted no protection and "if it happens (baby) we will deal with it". I don't know what to say after this. Men are programmed by nature to spread their "seed", so many are nonchalant about pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Men are programmed by nature to spread their "seed", so many are nonchalant about pregnancy. I find it scary all the gaining weight and eventually labour, is all quite scary to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Testing you...seeing your reaction and your response, he wants to know that you'd get fat with a baby for him...not that he actually wants one yet very likely. Most likely a power trip, unless he's actually half-joking and wants one, but he would speak to you about this also in a non-joking manner as well...you'd have the inclination already that he desires having kids. Otherwise yes, just ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I find it scary all the gaining weight and eventually labour, is all quite scary to me. Yes, but you're actually taking this a lot more seriously than he very like is. He's just getting in your head, messing around with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Testing you...seeing your reaction and your response, he wants to know that you'd get fat with a baby for him...not that he actually wants one yet very likely. Most likely a power trip, unless he's actually half-joking and wants one, but he would speak to you about this also in a non-joking manner as well...you'd have the inclination already that he desires having kids. Otherwise yes, just ego. It's pretty serious when he is willing to have unprotective sex with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 It's pretty serious when he is willing to have unprotective sex with me. So what? how do you know he wouldn't have you abort it? Some guys play with fire, testing the limits of getting burned while they flex their ego and power over you. If he's just an idiot, then you should probably stop having unprotected sex with a guy who'd just throw it around like that if you think he's dead serious. But honestly guys do stupid things, not really thinking of the consequences or taking it very seriously. Also if you're not on Birth control and he was using condoms it's probably just to "feel you and be closer" lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 It's pretty serious when he is willing to have unprotective sex with me. I'm a guy and I don't find that funny. I probably get into a fight with someone doing that BS. I don't know what his problem is, thinking pregnancy is some joke. Some of these males need to have a sex change. I want to see them laughing when they are the ones in the hospital, watching their stomach get cut just to let a newborn child out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Send him this link to the Cost of Raising a Child Calculator or just figure it out yourself. If you are not in the US, use an online currency converter. Choose a US city equivalent to where you live. Ask him what he'd do if he had all that extra money instead of having a kid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I don't know what to say after this. Tell him to wrap it up, because you aren't about to get pregnant! It's a fantasy. Don't overthink it. Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 why are you having unprotected sex? why wouldn't he take a higher paying job before you were pregnant, hypothetically? I wouldn't even trust his protection if he'd like to get you pregnant. You'd better protect yourself. You're the only one looking out for you here. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 If he tries it again, tell him you'll be looking forward to seeing the bank statements for the account he set up to help support it... and see if that doesn't wipe the smirk off his face. ... let's see... Cost of Raising a Child Calculator | BabyCenter (damn! FitChick beat me to it!!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iKING Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 If he tries it again, tell him you'll be looking forward to seeing the bank statements for the account he set up to help support it... and see if that doesn't wipe the smirk off his face. ... let's see... Cost of Raising a Child Calculator | BabyCenter (damn! FitChick beat me to it!!) 300k is one heck of a bill. At least It's spread out in payments of like 10k/year. Either way that should stop him dead in his tracks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 This should be the least of your worries. Pregnancy doesn't mean becoming a moose and labour is doable. None of us would ever have more than one child if it was as truly horrific as it's made out to be. This, however, is a huge issue, as is the fact that your life will never, ever, ever be the same again once you have a child. It may change for the better, or it may change for the worse, but it will change. You will be responsible for another human being for the rest of your life. That's what the real issue is. But how hard is it to get down to your normal weight again? I've always been slim and tall. I've never been overweight in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Why do guys joke about serious things? It's about ego right? My boyfriend often makes jokes about this. Eg If you got pregnant then I'd have to take this new job, to support us. Then actually wanted no protection and "if it happens (baby) we will deal with it". I don't know what to say after this. My boyfriend has said stuff like that too. I actually think it's kind of hot in a way. I mean, it is pretty flattering that someone would want to have a baby with you right? But he knows that it's fantasy. But your boyfriend is taking it further then just fantasy talk. He is actually suggesting you don't use protection. I believe he really wants this to happen. You need to talk to him about this and tell him that you are not ready for a baby or the chance of having one and just 'deal with it" when the time comes. He needs to use protection. And you need to be firm and stand behind that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks. If only there was some kind of guarantee that a guy would stay with you and not leave while pregnant. I have a family friend that was married and her pregnancy planned and her husband still left her, to "play The field". Why get married in The first place? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 But how hard is it to get down to your normal weight again? I've always been slim and tall. I've never been overweight in my life. That's your concern? My weight is the same as pre-babies. My life, otoh, is completely different! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 It's pretty serious when he is willing to have unprotective sex with me. I'm not telling you not to have a baby, but if you don't want one there are a lot of easy birth control options besides condoms. -A plastic ring you insert and forget about -A simple injection -A patch -IUD thing that they put in and leave there until you want to get pregnant some day There are 7 billion people for a reason, so don't overestimate your self control. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks. If only there was some kind of guarantee that a guy would stay with you and not leave while pregnant. I have a family friend that was married and her pregnancy planned and her husband still left her, to "play The field". Why get married in The first place? Ask your friend whether the fact that she was married helped her out in dealing with the father when he left. The court helps you out more, perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Ask your friend whether the fact that she was married helped her out in dealing with the father when he left. The court helps you out more, perhaps? From what I know I don't think the husband helped much at all. Her parents are The ones who offered help and never him. Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks. If only there was some kind of guarantee that a guy would stay with you and not leave while pregnant. I have a family friend that was married and her pregnancy planned and her husband still left her, to "play The field". Why get married in The first place? You're not thinking clearly. You need to want to have a baby and plan on having the baby when you have a baby, with family in place. You are so far from ready to have a family and baby it's not funny. You need a few years of maturity first, and that guy needs way more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 It's not hard. I've had three kids and I've never been overweight either. There are current pics in my profile if you want to see just how silly your concern is. Again, this should be the least of your concern. It's the very last thing you should be worrying about. How you'll take care of another person for the rest of your life matters a whole hell of a lot more than whether you'll get chubby. But what I mean is was it difficult for you to lose the weight? From friends and family members it seems The older you are, the more difficult it is to lose it. Young people seem to Lose it so easily. But older mums seems the opposite. I do take this very seriously which is why I don't want to do anything stupid. I know if it happens I'll end up with the responsiblity because it is my body. I feel conflicted on this subject, but also know I have a limited time to decide. Catch 22. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks. If only there was some kind of guarantee that a guy would stay with you and not leave while pregnant. I have a family friend that was married and her pregnancy planned and her husband still left her, to "play The field". Why get married in The first place? Men vary drastically from one to another. There do exist some golden apples. Your best bet is to be discriminating and choose well. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 it doesn't seem that you're really grasping the magnitude of this choice.Who gives a **** about a few pounds if you are having a child? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Thanks. If only there was some kind of guarantee that a guy would stay with you and not leave while pregnant. I have a family friend that was married and her pregnancy planned and her husband still left her, to "play The field". Why get married in The first place? There's no guarantee but I can tell you men generally put a lot more thought into getting married than having a baby, as a baby can just happen like that. This little fantasy is easy to believe in, and honestly it's not just about you, it's about having a child. And a lot of guys just stick the woman with the baby anyway and go on and do their own thing after they realized it wasn't really what they wanted or were ready for...they try returning the cow...and the calf. A marriage takes time, he has time to think about it and process it and think about his commitment...generally, unless you're having a shotgun wedding. If you get married because you were pregnant I don't personally think those type of marriages tend to hold much weight, I see men generally feeling obligated at that point. However some men that intend to stay for the long-term do it either way. Chances are this guy would be like the rest...wouldn't stick around once the reality struck him in the face, once he had to be obligated and committed...not just to you but a baby, and many women use that as a object of leverage to try and "persuade" men into staying in relationship they really don't want to be in anymore. Also how long have you even been together? how old are you? these are big factors typically as well....anyone in their early 20's is going to have a hard time grasping the concept of a child in their lives without any real life experience and responsibility....even if they are paying their own bills. Your biggest most naive move here is just simply going along with and making assumptions based on his gestures and behavior. This should be something you are thoroughly discussing with him like two adults. Bringing a child into this world isn't a game, it's not fun, cool, romantic or means you're going to have this nice little family forever and ever...It means as young, retarded and irresponsible you are and immature, or inexperienced you are in life, your child will pay for that, your mistakes, your issues - relationship and personal will have to deal with your problems because they'll be in the thick in it and will pay for the consequences, your lack of communication in this moment and naivety in just going along with it without uttering a word could mean the difference between another future LS user or not! Which I don't know about you, but is quite scary! Link to post Share on other sites
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