Subconsciously sabotaging my new relationship?

[elisee8d]

A little background:

I was with a guy, my ex, for the past two years. Our relationship was not good - I was very VERY jealous, of his friends, of his exes that he didn't even have contact with, of him spending time with anyone other than me, of celebrities he thought were attractive, and I immediately hated anyone who I thought was more attractive than I was. I took everything as a threat. This, combined with his anger issues and immaturity ultimately led to our break up. He had tons of issues that I could no longer deal with. It was a nasty one - I broke up with him, found someone new, dated man number 2 for a month (hello, rebound...) and realized I wanted nothing more than to be with my ex because I loved him and thought that meant we should be together no matter what. We got back together, were together for about 2 months, and he broke up with me completely out of the blue. Took me back, we had sex, he told me I was who he knew he was supposed to be with for the rest of his life, and then broke up with me the next day over the phone and said he simply "changed his mind" and that I didn't deserve another chance for leaving him and dating someone new, that it meant I didn't love him. This break up was 6 months ago.

 

While I was dating my ex, I had run into a friend from high school and we started talking. Nothing but friendly conversation and catching up, though I did have a crush on him in high school that he didn't know about and he also liked me which I found out recently. We never dated then because he was seeing someone and then I was too. The guy I was dating then is the ex I'm talking about now, and the girl he was dating broke up with him a while ago. When my ex and I broke up, he was there to listen to me about the whole thing. Then he seemed like he really wanted to hang out and constantly talk, I got the feeling he liked me and I got freaked out and stopped talking to him, which was horrible of me... we started talking again about 2 months ago, hung out, I remembered every single reason why I liked him so much back then, I suppose he did too, and now we're dating. It's been about a month for us together.

 

ANYWAYS - fast forward to now. I feel as though I have truly processed the break up with my ex, dealt with my emotions and come to terms with everything. I am SO much happier with myself and my life than I ever have been before. So many things are going good for me, new job, moving forward and doing what's right for me, showing people who don't deserve my time to the door. I feel as though I have clarity for the first time ever. Then my boyfriend and I started dating, and man oh man was I on cloud nine! He's perfect, he's a great guy and I've never been with someone who treated me so well. I was literally so happy I didn't know what to do with myself.

 

However, for the past 2 weeks, I find myself not wanting to talk to him, or see him, or tell him I miss him. I feel completely detached from him and everything about our relationship. I don't even wanna tell him about my day or make the effort to keep up a conversation with him. I'm getting mad at him for the stupidest reasons, and using those as excuses to avoid answering his texts and phone calls. I noticed I was doing this, and realized that I'm pushing him away. I don't mean to do it, so I've been making an effort to stop, but I just can't. I've been in a horrible mood, easily agitated, on edge, and filled with anxiety. I discussed this with him and he said he understood and not to worry and try not to be scared because he would never hurt me he believes we can handle it and get over it together.

 

I don't think this has anything to do with missing my ex or having unresolved feelings about our break up, because I don't miss him, and as I said, I feel like I've completely processed everything. I just don't understand how I went from the happiest I've ever been, by myself, to the happiest I've ever been with someone else, to completely miserable in a matter of a month. I don't know what to do because this is a new relationship and I would hate to ruin it because I really am so happy when I'm with him, it's just keeping up conversation and caring when he's NOT right in front of me that's hard for me.. and even sometimes in person too. I'm so paranoid that he's doing things behind my back, too. I feel like me acting like this is making him pull back a little bit, as he doesn't show as much emotion as he did in the beginning... he says things that give me reason to believe he has no intentions of breaking up with me, though.

 

I just am trying to figure out... why is the excitement gone? Why am I so upset all the time? Why am I TRYING to find him doing something wrong? Nothing makes sense to me. I don't want to sabotage my own relationship, but I can't stop it. I need help on figuring out how I can stop doing this and just let him in and get over my fear of being hurt.

 

If anyone has had a similar experience, some words of wisdom, or even just what you think about my situation, it would all be greatly appreciated because I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

Edited March 7, 2013 by elisee8d

[ruh roh]

elisee

Just remember that the sub-conscience is much stronger than the conscience!

 

Your brain is just confused and is trying to protect you while also trying to help you move forward. Honestly this is why rebound relationships very seldom last. They usually end by self destruction!

 

You honestly need a break from all men for a while until you clear your head and let the confusion slowly fade away. Sort of like loading a new operating system into your computer, it takes a while!

 

Take a step back. Just be honest to this new guy and tell him that you are going to take some time for yourself. Hell he has been away from you for a long time anyway right? If it is meant to be with him, than he will be there waiting when you come out of the "fog".

 

Good luck and hugs for you! T :-)