Older man FWB?

[Trailweary48]

I am a 27 year old female and can't stop thinking about my 42 year old friend. We both work in the same field, share the same interests, I go over to his place once in a while and he always has a bottle of wine ready and we have really great discussions. The last time I was over at his place we were talking and he abruptly came across the room to sit on the couch with me to be closer. I automatically wanted to snuggle up against him and talk about our day, but really had to fight it. I could tell he wanted something to happen, but doesn't want to make the first move and seem like a creeper. He did touch my leg a few times, so I reciprocated. After I left his place we emailed back and forth the next few days and he brought up the fact that he wishes he was younger. I playfully told him 40 is the new 30, which he liked. The next time I see him in a few weeks will be for an overnight trip and I want to show him how I feel. He's never had a serious girlfriend for the years I've known him and I know he is really lonely and craves some physical contact, but I am too young for him?

[vanhalenfan]

No, I don't believe you are too young for him. This is coming from someone who prefers older men, though, so I am biased Others may feel differently. It's really just between you and him and how you both feel about it. One thing to keep in mind when dealing with FWB is to protect yourself emotionally and make sure you can handle that type of relationship. Been there, done that in the past and crashed and burned because we ended up having a lot in common in the long run and I fell for the man. He wanted to keep up the FWB relationship, though, and not take it to the next level.

 

He seems interested in you. Do what you feel is right for you (and him)

[kamani]

You are talking about FWB and it seems you are in love.

[Trailweary48]

You are talking about FWB and it seems you are in love.

 

I do have feelings for him, but I know it can't be a serious relationship. He owns property outside of the country and plans to retire there soon. I just started my career in a very niche field and there is no way I can leave the country and do the same kind if work. I also plan on having a family and he's told me before that he's happy he never had any children nor does he ever want any. We can't take the FWB relationship to the next level, but why be lonely when there is someone who wants to be with you right now?

[pcplod]

The genie is out of the bottle and will definitely not be returning to it. By merely raising the subject between you, albeit only obliquely, the dynamic of the relationship between you has changed already. If you proceed any further you may be damned and if you do not you may be damned.

 

In the end of the day it is all about you. How strong a character you are. How well you REALLY understand yourself. Yet you are posing the question, so what does that suggest to you?

 

The Holy Grail for all of us is to be able to psychologically and emotionally cope positively with whatever life can throw at us, to be capable of handling any and all eventualities. With that we approach closer to the nirvana of being the complete person. I don't think many of us are actually capable of that, not by a long chalk. But we can try. That is all we can do.

[kamani]

but why be lonely when there is someone who wants to be with you right now?

 

I don't mean you should be lonely. As another poster said you should make sure that you can handle FWB, if you can't take the relationship further. It depends on you. In short you should be able to protect your heart.

 

On the other hand I wonder why you are so concerned about the age gap if all you want is FWB at the moment. I don't think it would play a major role there.