Wife now dating someone else - I'm so hurt. Is this normal?

[orionboxing]

Last year, around February, I asked for a divorce from my wife. We had been married just three years and just had a lot of trouble making things work after year one.

 

My wife was on a lot of prescription meds for depression, a variety of mood stabilizers and was just a genuinely unhappy person. She also gained a lot of weight. We were rarely intimate. I constantly felt neglected and was often berated for the littlest things.

 

When I finally moved out, I left without a lot of closure. We never had a lot of communication prior to actually getting legally separated.

 

Last week, we decided to have our taxes done together (we had a house) and wanted to make sure everything was in good standing financially. Well, after our appointment, I told her that I wanted to talk to her and get some closure and see how she was doing.

 

Now, before I continue - I'm generally a caring, loving guy. I don't like to make enemies and I my heart often tells to make amends whenever possible. I'm in good standing with my a lot of ex-girlfriends, because of this. My ex-wife, however, is very cold and deep down not very friendly.

 

Well last week, I disclosed that even though I we are no longer together, there is a part of me that still deeply cares. I have no desire to be with her, and I don't want to re-live our relationship, but I had to tell her that I still respected her regardless.

 

She was very cold to my words and just sort of dismissed everything I said. No real compassion...or a grasp of what I was trying to say. She also disclosed that she was "seeing someone" and I don't know why, but it hurt SO MUCH to hear that. I felt, I guess, so disposable. I for example, am not even close to being ready to see someone. My heart and mind are really denying the urge to spend time with another woman.

 

I know what some of you are thinking "you dumped her, she is free do whatever she wants" - but most of us who are married have deeper connections to their partners people who are merely dating.

 

Is it normal to feel so hurt, to have this much heartache? I was on the verge of tears on my way home last week.

[Mystery2Me]

Hi OB,

 

You nailed it...just own it and grow like your ex-wife has. Sorry that you are now having to lie in the cold bed you made, but it is what you made it!

 

You have now learned the painful reality of how damage and destructive one-sided decisions about a couple can hurt the other person.

 

<<This is at least how your wife felt when you left her without closure...aka...Made the decision that worked best for you. Also she was already depressed and had other health issues>>

 

This reality is a hard pill to swallow...stops one in their very tracks because it is a departure from the behavior one has been accustomed too. <<Nothing like a dose of your own medicine.>>

 

Finally even after a year, you have not recognized that your now ex-wife was hurting too....and had just as much right to her OWN definition of happiness not yours.

 

You speak of the "deeper connection" between married people: Where was the connection when as you described dumped her.

 

Just for a moment, give the lady her due for pulling herself together and choosing happiness.

[TaraMaiden]

 

When I finally moved out, I left without a lot of closure. We never had a lot of communication prior to actually getting legally separated.

Closure doesn't come from others.... Closure is only generated by you. As I say, it's like vomit - it comes from within, but you have to get it out of your system.

 

... I told her that I wanted to talk to her and get some closure and see how she was doing.

 

...... I'm generally a caring, loving guy. I don't like to make enemies and I my heart often tells to make amends whenever possible. I'm in good standing with my a lot of ex-girlfriends, because of this. My ex-wife, however, is very cold and deep down not very friendly.

 

Well last week, I disclosed that even though I we are no longer together, there is a part of me that still deeply cares. I have no desire to be with her, and I don't want to re-live our relationship, but I had to tell her that I still respected her regardless.

Yeah, well... this is you.

Not everyone can conform to what we consider to be our ideal.

Nice if it happens, but.....

 

She was very cold to my words and just sort of dismissed everything I said. No real compassion...or a grasp of what I was trying to say. She also disclosed that she was "seeing someone" and I don't know why, but it hurt SO MUCH to hear that. I felt, I guess, so disposable. I for example, am not even close to being ready to see someone. My heart and mind are really denying the urge to spend time with another woman.

Did you expect her to remain 'faithful' to your broken marriage? What exactly are you saying here?

if you deliberately choose to 'deny the urge' to spend time with another woman - are you saying you've had the urge, but you suppressed it?

Why do that to yourself? To what end?

How long did you expect her to see nobody?

And would this be out of a notion of respect or consideration?

Divorce 'disposes' of the relationship per se so, she didn't do anything wrong....

 

I know what some of you are thinking "you dumped her, she is free do whatever she wants" - but most of us who are married have deeper connections to their partners people who are merely dating.

 

Oh bulls.chy.t. Most people in this situation can't wait to begin venturing out to date - 'most of us who are married'...? That's kind of patronising, isn't it? Like marriage gives you a moral high-ground? You're telling people who 'date' ore who aren't married, do not have as deep a connection?

 

I respectfully suggest you re-think that....

 

Oh and by the way - you're NOT married - remember?

 

Is it normal to feel so hurt, to have this much heartache? I was on the verge of tears on my way home last week.

 

You have an ideal impression of what should have happened, and you've had those impressions shattered, but that's not a fault or a wrong.

You just view things differently.

What she did isn't wrong.

It's just a different viewpoint.

your relationship is over. Done.

You didn't get the closure you were seeking, because you sought something outside of yourself to tie a bow on it and give you a prettier ending.

 

But you DID get closure. She gave you closure.

Just not in the way you wanted.

 

Sorry chum, but this is for you to work through, accept and close for yourself..... I know it must hurt - but this is the way it is.....

[Mint Sauce]

maybe you can use this as closure? As painful as the divorce is for you, doesn't her cold attitude and the ease with which she moved on illustrate that she was not your kind of woman? You attached to her, which is valuable, but it sounds like you didn't choose so wisely who to attach to. The divorce was the right decision.

 

Take your time to heal, accept your error of judgment, and find yourself a new woman more in line with your way of attaching.

[Mr. Lucky]

maybe you can use this as closure? As painful as the divorce is for you, doesn't her cold attitude and the ease with which she moved on illustrate that she was not your kind of woman?

My thoughts exactly. You wanted closure? This affirmation of everything you felt about the issues in your marriage be enough.

 

The unspoken question here is why you're having so much trouble moving on. Short marriage, no kids, ended badly - what's got you stuck in place where you're "not even close to being ready to see someone" ? Seems like an unusual reaction...

 

Mr. Lucky

[TaraMaiden]

My thoughts exactly. You wanted closure? This affirmation of everything you felt about the issues in your marriage be enough.

 

The unspoken question here is why you're having so much trouble moving on. Short marriage, no kids, ended badly - what's got you stuck in place where you're "not even close to being ready to see someone" ? Seems like an unusual reaction...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

That was my point too.....

 

 

[orionboxing]

Thanks for some of these responses.

 

This woman was convinced I was her soul mate. She treated me so well prior to our engagement...but she turned into a different person literally a month after our honeymoon. Our relationship curve to is just hard to comprehend.

 

When I asked for a divorce, this woman convulsively sobbed in our bedroom for two straight days before leaving to stay with her parents for a full week...leaving me in the house all alone.

 

Through her personal turmoil, she never gave me the opportunity to talk with her. I asked on several occasions to talk things through. Who knows, maybe through those discussions something might have repaired a portion of our problems.

 

This woman never apologized for her actions - she said a lot mean things to me that I'll never forget. I was always very sad that she couldn't realize the hurtful things she was doing to me.

 

Even when I carried the last box out of our house, I hugged this woman and kissed her on the head. I left a note in our mailbox for her stating "I'll love you, always."

 

I find it difficult to explain or to understand why my life feels like it is caving in right now. Why do men grieve so late after these things are over? Why is this so delayed?

 

Even if she wasn't seeing someone, I would still be in the pain that I am now. Today was a very very rough day for me. I am not ashamed to admit that I found myself in a public park sobbing my eyes out after an afternoon run.

 

Not long after, I contacted our former marriage counselor and scheduled an appointment.

 

There is such an overwhelming desire to write a very long letter to her explaining how I feel. Some sort of cathartic thing. I am just so confused...

[whichwayisup]

I know what some of you are thinking "you dumped her, she is free do whatever she wants" - but most of us who are married have deeper connections to their partners people who are merely dating.

 

Sorry you're hurting but I think this is more of an ego hurt, that she moved on not a heart hurt, one that kills to you the core. Your marriage was 3 years, after the 1st year you say things weren't great. You asked for D and bailed out on the marriage due to her depression and other issues, without going to marriage counseling to do all that you could to try to make it work, give it your best before throwing in the towel. Sorry if my words are taken harshly, not meant to be mean or rude, just an outsider looking in. The thing is, I think this is more about you than it is about her, giving up too soon and her moving on.

From the sounds of it, she isn't the nicest person to begin with so throw in her pain and hurt from you divorcing her (or was it mutual?), she shut down and detached from you quickly.

 

Hope you can work through this and move on with the help of your therapist.

 

I will add, after reading your recent other post, your wife was devastated when you ended the marriage, so a part of her died. This is why she's crueler to you now and shut you out. it's her way of handling it.

 

I'm sure too, much of who she is IS because of her mental illness. That doesn't go away ever, so hopefully she is on meds and getting herself counseling too.

Edited March 8, 2013 by whichwayisup

[orionboxing]

Hi OB,

 

You nailed it...just own it and grow like your ex-wife has. Sorry that you are now having to lie in the cold bed you made, but it is what you made it!

 

You have now learned the painful reality of how damage and destructive one-sided decisions about a couple can hurt the other person.

 

<<This is at least how your wife felt when you left her without closure...aka...Made the decision that worked best for you. Also she was already depressed and had other health issues>>

 

This reality is a hard pill to swallow...stops one in their very tracks because it is a departure from the behavior one has been accustomed too. <<Nothing like a dose of your own medicine.>>

 

Finally even after a year, you have not recognized that your now ex-wife was hurting too....and had just as much right to her OWN definition of happiness not yours.

 

You speak of the "deeper connection" between married people: Where was the connection when as you described dumped her.

 

Just for a moment, give the lady her due for pulling herself together and choosing happiness.

 

I'm sorry, but I have to clarify. My wife knew she was digging her own grave, and I did give her a very clear warning that she was pulling our relationship into depths that were not recoverable. I had to take the initiative and ask to separate. I was ready to explore all options.

 

"You have now learned the painful reality of how damage and destructive one-sided decisions about a couple can hurt the other person."

 

Don't you think the above statement applies more to her than it does me? Despite my pleas, she would not stop hurting me. This was her one-sided angle. I was patient and kind and caring and treated this woman like a god.

 

"You speak of the "deeper connection" between married people: Where was the connection when as you described dumped her."

 

You cannot erase the memories, nor the eternal bond you feel when you marry someone. We struggled, but we also had some experiences together that she will never have with others.

[orionboxing]

Sorry you're hurting but I think this is more of an ego hurt, that she moved on not a heart hurt, one that kills to you the core. Your marriage was 3 years, after the 1st year you say things weren't great. You asked for D and bailed out on the marriage due to her depression and other issues, without going to marriage counseling to do all that you could to try to make it work, give it your best before throwing in the towel. Sorry if my words are taken harshly, not meant to be mean or rude, just an outsider looking in. The thing is, I think this is more about you than it is about her, giving up too soon and her moving on.

From the sounds of it, she isn't the nicest person to begin with so throw in her pain and hurt from you divorcing her (or was it mutual?), she shut down and detached from you quickly.

 

Hope you can work through this and move on with the help of your therapist.

 

I will add, after reading your recent other post, your wife was devastated when you ended the marriage, so a part of her died. This is why she's crueler to you now and shut you out. it's her way of handling it.

 

I'm sure too, much of who she is IS because of her mental illness. That doesn't go away ever, so hopefully she is on meds and getting herself counseling too.

 

Thanks. To clarify, we saw two separate counselors. In addition, she had her own personal counselor and was under 3+ mood stabilizer/anti-depressants.

[TaraMaiden]

Thanks for some of these responses.

 

This woman was convinced I was her soul mate. She treated me so well prior to our engagement...but she turned into a different person literally a month after our honeymoon. Our relationship curve to is just hard to comprehend.

 

When I asked for a divorce, this woman convulsively sobbed in our bedroom for two straight days before leaving to stay with her parents for a full week...leaving me in the house all alone.

 

Through her personal turmoil, she never gave me the opportunity to talk with her. I asked on several occasions to talk things through. Who knows, maybe through those discussions something might have repaired a portion of our problems.

 

This woman never apologized for her actions - she said a lot mean things to me that I'll never forget. I was always very sad that she couldn't realize the hurtful things she was doing to me.

 

Even when I carried the last box out of our house, I hugged this woman and kissed her on the head. I left a note in our mailbox for her stating "I'll love you, always."

 

I find it difficult to explain or to understand why my life feels like it is caving in right now. Why do men grieve so late after these things are over? Why is this so delayed?

 

Even if she wasn't seeing someone, I would still be in the pain that I am now. Today was a very very rough day for me. I am not ashamed to admit that I found myself in a public park sobbing my eyes out after an afternoon run.

 

Not long after, I contacted our former marriage counselor and scheduled an appointment.

 

There is such an overwhelming desire to write a very long letter to her explaining how I feel. Some sort of cathartic thing. I am just so confused...

 

You're not getting it:

 

It.

Doesn't.

Matter.

Any.

More.

 

You need to drop the history.

I realise the history is there - we all have one.

But you cannot let the past be a justification or motive for the way you act today.

It's an unhealthy attitude which keeps you stuck.

 

As Carl Jung famously said:

 

"The Past is over. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better Past"

 

You can justify, clarify, explain and reason all you want:

It doesn't change the fundamental fact that "That was 'Then'; this is 'Now'. "

 

She is patently moving on; irrespective of what her medical condition is, she has decided to front matters with a particular mind-set.

That is hers.

 

You have to find a healthy mind-set for you to do the same.

You're holding onto something which no longer exists.

 

There IS no 'eternal bond'.

Please!

Memories are memories. They don't define who you are. They're merely life experiences.

 

But if you make them out to be sacrosanct and elevate them to a sacred level, as if they defined a momentous existence, then you are now experiencing the devastating shock of discovering that actually, they were simply episodes, and stages of your life together.

 

Well, that's done with now.

Maybe it's the after shock.

But you have to come to terms with the fact that no matter in what terms you think of it, this is merely your perception. This is YOUR projection of your ideal.

The damage you are experiencing, is one you are perpetuating yourself within your mind. You are self-sabotaging.

 

I hope your appointments with your counsellor prove productive.

Because you really do need to seriously consider altering your mind-set.

 

Clearly, it's not working for you, as it currently is - is it?

[Gunny376]

Last year, around February, I asked for a divorce from my wife. We had been married just three years and just had a lot of trouble making things work after year one.

 

My wife was on a lot of prescription meds for depression, a variety of mood stabilizers and was just a genuinely unhappy person. She also gained a lot of weight. We were rarely intimate. I constantly felt neglected and was often berated for the littlest things.

 

When I finally moved out, I left without a lot of closure. We never had a lot of communication prior to actually getting legally separated.

 

Last week, we decided to have our taxes done together (we had a house) and wanted to make sure everything was in good standing financially. Well, after our appointment, I told her that I wanted to talk to her and get some closure and see how she was doing.

 

Now, before I continue - I'm generally a caring, loving guy. I don't like to make enemies and I my heart often tells to make amends whenever possible. I'm in good standing with my a lot of ex-girlfriends, because of this. My ex-wife, however, is very cold and deep down not very friendly.

 

Well last week, I disclosed that even though I we are no longer together, there is a part of me that still deeply cares. I have no desire to be with her, and I don't want to re-live our relationship, but I had to tell her that I still respected her regardless.

 

She was very cold to my words and just sort of dismissed everything I said. No real compassion...or a grasp of what I was trying to say. She also disclosed that she was "seeing someone" and I don't know why, but it hurt SO MUCH to hear that. I felt, I guess, so disposable. I for example, am not even close to being ready to see someone. My heart and mind are really denying the urge to spend time with another woman.

 

I know what some of you are thinking "you dumped her, she is free do whatever she wants" - but most of us who are married have deeper connections to their partners people who are merely dating.

 

Is it normal to feel so hurt, to have this much heartache? I was on the verge of tears on my way home last week.

 

I could just give ya an Old Cowboy, spttin' tobaccie on the ground "Yep!"

 

But I won't. Its been 23 years since the XHEX and I went through it, and I could sit here all day long and write as to why it was for the best? But its to this day a burr under my saddle that she chose to lie, cheat, whore around, run around like a flossey, slut-around with every Tom, Dick and Harry 10 years younger than she was? I understand NOW that it had to do with a lot of things. Her own insecurity as a person, an individual, as a woman, seeking affirmation, validation, lack of self confidence, self esteem, yada~yada!

 

It wasn't enough for me to just tell her she was my own personal HBX10? She had to hear it from another, and another, and another, and another, and yet another...................................

 

That's no way to live ~ Life!

[Gunny376]

You're not getting it:

 

It.

Doesn't.

Matter.

Any.

More.

 

You need to drop the history.

I realise the history is there - we all have one.

But you cannot let the past be a justification or motive for the way you act today.

It's an unhealthy attitude which keeps you stuck.

 

As Carl Jung famously said:

 

"The Past is over. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better Past"

 

You can justify, clarify, explain and reason all you want:

It doesn't change the fundamental fact that "That was 'Then'; this is 'Now'. "

 

She is patently moving on; irrespective of what her medical condition is, she has decided to front matters with a particular mind-set.

That is hers.

 

You have to find a healthy mind-set for you to do the same.

You're holding onto something which no longer exists.

 

There IS no 'eternal bond'.

Please!

Memories are memories. They don't define who you are. They're merely life experiences.

 

But if you make them out to be sacrosanct and elevate them to a sacred level, as if they defined a momentous existence, then you are now experiencing the devastating shock of discovering that actually, they were simply episodes, and stages of your life together.

 

Well, that's done with now.

Maybe it's the after shock.

But you have to come to terms with the fact that no matter in what terms you think of it, this is merely your perception. This is YOUR projection of your ideal.

The damage you are experiencing, is one you are perpetuating yourself within your mind. You are self-sabotaging.

 

I hope your appointments with your counsellor prove productive.

Because you really do need to seriously consider altering your mind-set.

 

Clearly, it's not working for you, as it currently is - is it?

 

Its a DAMN GOOD THING that I'm NOT a selfish, self-centered, narcisstic, type individual but a devoted, caring, giving, nuturing one-woman man. Who believes in being a part of something GREATER than the sum part of themselves!

 

I've thrown in with Mrs. Gunny and I'm going to ride it out with her come Hell, high water, crop failure, bust or ruin! Sickness and health, richer or poorer!

 

 

I for one when I take an Oath especially befoe God? I mean every damn word of it!

 

Otherwise? I'd ask you to marry me!

Edited March 8, 2013 by Gunny376

[ruh roh]

"When I asked for a divorce, this woman convulsively sobbed in our bedroom for two straight days before leaving to stay with her parents for a full week...leaving me in the house all alone."

 

I guess I am missing something, but after asking her for a divorce did you suddenly have a change of heart? Why would she not be cold to you now, after telling her you no longer wanted to be with her and than being left alone to "sob" for two days? Seriously, how can you expect anything less from her now and more importantly, why do you care? You told her you wanted a divorce and you got what you wanted!

 

It's tough when you have to take a shot to the old ego! My advise would be to now suck it up and move on with the life you really wanted anyway. Any further communication with her is just going to inflict more pain to yourself. Please believe me when I tell you that it gets much easier with time, because it truly does!

 

Good luck to you Brother...

[Mystery2Me]

I'm sorry, but I have to clarify. My wife knew she was digging her own grave, and I did give her a very clear warning that she was pulling our relationship into depths that were not recoverable. I had to take the initiative and ask to separate. I was ready to explore all options.

 

Forgot to tell you a bit about me: Married 15.9 years; filed for last December divorce after husband left last April.

 

First this is not about right or wrong...but about how to end a difficult relationship with the best of care.

 

Again you are illustrating my point that the result of ending a relationship by one sided decision making in a couple sets into motion a devestating cycle of grief. Also I understand that you must make the best choice for yourself to be happy and safe, so this is not imply at all that you should not be happy. Rather that when in a marriage, when one partner is not involved for whatever reason (e.g. You wrote you made her aware of your feelings)...this type of turmoil is possible.

 

For instance:

 

You wrote when you told her it was over she cried for two days. Aren't you now experiencing the very same after she told you about HER life; when you wanted to only focus on relationship closure....Crying your eyes out after a run.

 

Allow me to clarify too.....What I refer to as one-sided decision is exactly as you wrote:"I gave clear warning; I had initiate separation; I was ready to explore options. In a relationship it is about WE not I; and that means waiting on the other person to become ABLE (perhaps her depression was impeding)....regardless you decided working on your individual happiness took precesdence to working on relationship happiness. And that behavior has hurt you both: She cried 2 days and You cried after a run

 

"You have now learned the painful reality of how damage and destructive one-sided decisions about a couple can hurt the other person."

 

Don't you think the above statement applies more to her than it does me? Despite my pleas, she would not stop hurting me. This was her one-sided angle. I was patient and kind and caring and treated this woman like a god.

 

I absolutely agree it goes to the point when in relationship one-sided actions did hurt you. She did it AND you did too.

"You speak of the "deeper connection" between married people: Where was the connection when as you described dumped her."

 

You cannot erase the memories, nor the eternal bond you feel when you marry someone. We struggled, but we also had some experiences together that she will never have with others.

 

Yes, I agree with you....but that does not mean your ex-wife has to. However you are making a one-sided decision how the BOTH of you should feel about the memories

 

Glad you are in IC, and it took so long to finally begin to feel and grieve the ending of your marriage.

 

You are finding that emotionally you have not fully ended the relationship...it is way more than the legal aspect and living separately.

[TaraMaiden]

Its a DAMN GOOD THING that I'm NOT a selfish, self-centered, narcisstic, type individual but a devoted, caring, giving, nuturing one-woman man. Who believes in being a part of something GREATER than the sum part of themselves!

 

I've thrown in with Mrs. Gunny and I'm going to ride it out with her come Hell, high water, crop failure, bust or ruin! Sickness and health, richer or poorer!

 

 

I for one when I take an Oath especially befoe God? I mean every damn word of it!

 

Otherwise? I'd ask you to marry me!

 

 

Why thank you Gunny - never been wooed by a strong, patriotic front-line guy, before....

 

 

(But you'd have to bypass Gorilla Theater first.... Him 'n' me.... we're quite a match..... )

 

But bless your heart!

[worldgonewrong]

First of all, AWESOME reply, TaraMaiden. Wow, yes.

 

There IS no 'eternal bond'.

 

I would refute this mildly only on this premise:

There can be an eternal bond, sure, but (and this is what most people forget) it has to be cultivated/strengthened on a daily basis.

An eternal bond based on the past is useless; it has to always be reinforced in the NOW.

[TaraMaiden]

My point is this:

For it to be 'an eternal Bond' it has to also be underpinned and reinforced by BOTH parties.

 

And nothing - but nothing - lasts for ever.

Nothing.

 

An eternal Bond is a poetic and somewhat romanticised way of describing a like-minded union between two people both of whom always puts the other person first.

 

Clearly - sadly - this specific situation is absolutely nothing of the kind.

 

She - for whatever reason - has in his perception, acted in a cruel, heartless dismissive and disdainful manner.

 

She has a mental affliction for which she has been prescribed drugs.

So her attitude may be an exaggerated manifestation of what she feels.

 

Or - as some drugs are actually designed to 'knock the edges off extreme behaviour - it could actually be that he has been witness to a 'mild, watered-down' version of her reactions!

 

The OP has in turn, projected his own evaluations and expectations on events, and found them wanting, because he has elevated the circumstances surrounding this divorce to something of monumental emotional significance. His feelings are reeling under the onslaught of the pain he has been subjected to - but this is due to his own magnification of the experience.

 

Basically - He's made a huge deal out of something which frankly, given the history of the relationship/marriage, he should not have been surprised by. Given her behaviour, this result should have been expected.

[worldgonewrong]

TaraMaiden- oh, I agree with what you're saying, particularly in light of the OP's situation.

 

I just think there is an 'eternal bond' but, as you said, they clearly don't have it.

[aMguilts]

i read the orionboxings post about 2 mins after he sent it, i was going to reply but i thought i`d wait.

i wanted to see the reaction from others in their replys

and i`m really disappointed in what you have replied.

 

its so easy to say do this or do that isn`t it?

i`m just as guilty i know

orionboxing, as far as i can see, the only thing that you have done wrong is that you care TOO much. For everyone

You seem so scared of hurting ANYONES feelings and for that reason you have none of your own?

Is that why `you get on so well with your ex`s` ??

When i 1st read your initial post , that was the 1st thing that came to my mind.

 

Why the hell would you want to even think about your ex`s let alone mention them in something that isn`t relevant to the way you are now?

ex`s are ex`s

 

My wife as it is now will soon be an `ex`

 

NO way on earth will i go into my next relationship( if ever) and look backwards

 

so in answer to your 1st post on this thread?

What is the point in looking in the past, unless you can move forward?

 

She has and you have to accept that

You think she was going to wait around forever while you keep living in the past?

aM

[aMguilts]

btw, you 2 need a room?

[TaraMaiden]

....Jealous, aM....?

[aMguilts]

lol, yeah i thought i was in with wgw !

[Dragonfruit]

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out, Orion. Thank god at least that you got out before you had kids and/or many years of misery. A marriage is a huge part of life that you thought was all settled and then it went sour. I am not at all surprised it still hurts and that it will take time before you feel like getting back out there after something like this. I'm not surprised it hurt to see her seem to move on so quickly, either, kind of two sides of the same coin, maybe. If I were you, I think I would write that letter explaining your feelings just to clarify them to yourself, but probably don't mail it. Since she has already shown a lot of coldness about your feelings, I think it might just make you feel worse to give her a chance to do it again. Good luck to you.

[TaraMaiden]

lol, yeah i thought i was in with wgw !

 

 

I'm not sure how he feels about that....