"Cover Story" for online dating?

[the_entertainer1]

I'm a 23 year old female who recently joined an online dating site. I still live at home with my parents (I'm saving up to buy a house) and while this is mostly good, it can be a bit annoying sometimes because they still want to know where I'm going and who I'm going with whenever I go out.

 

I haven't had much relationship experience before, mainly because I don't like going to nightclubs all that often. I'm not shy, I suppose I just haven't met many guys who I feel like I want to date.

 

Anyway, I joined this dating site. I've been quite selective about who I communicate with and am very reluctant to tell people that I joined such a site. Many people I know think that they're for "losers". At the start of January I met a guy and went on a few dates with him before we both realised there wasn't really a 'spark'. I told my parents that I met him through an ex-colleague. In the end, it was kind of true - though we didn't meet that way, said colleague was actually a mutual friend!! We told her we met through another friend, lol.

 

 

This weekend I'm going on a second date with a guy. Like me, he hasn't had much relationship experience. I feel pretty safe around him. One of the reasons I tell my parents if I'm going out on a date is for safety reasons - just in case someone turns out to be a psycho or something.

 

Our first date was for coffee, last weekend. My parents were away so I didn't feel like I had to tell them about the date. I told a friend instead, and said I met him through another friend. I'm going to see a play with this guy on Saturday night though. I kind of need to tell my parents because:

a) they'll ask where I'm going and who with

b) I told them I was interested in seeing the play

c) I'm a bad liar

d) for safety reasons

 

The thing is, I really don't want to tell them I joined a dating site.

 

Any ideas for a "cover story" I can use as a way that we met? (I can't say we met through work, because my mum works at the same place I do!)

[salparadise]

I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, but my opinion is that you should default to truth and openness rather than deception with regard to where you met this guy, and generally in all things. It's a terrible burden to go through life trying to maintain appearances that diverge from reality; it takes a toll on the way you feel about yourself and eventually all the people close to you will characterize you as fundamentally disingenuous rather than authentic and reliable. Now this doesn't mean you have to tell the whole story to everyone who asks you a question. If you fabricate a story about where you met the guy and continue dating him, you will end up creating more stories to cover the first story, and it will snowball. At some point people will figure you out and you'll have to come clean anyway, or tell yet another story that they won't believe and you'll have lost all credibility.

 

Authenticity is a character trait you want to cultivate. It's key to self-esteem and to relationship success throughout your life. It's the first thing I try to assess when I meet someone new through online dating, and I don't tolerate even a little bit of disingenuousness. I recently dropped a woman who was interested in me and she was gorgeous at first glance. But I detected several inconsistencies in the stories surrounding her history and current circumstances. Some of these were merely enhancements, not out and lies, but they were designed to create an impression in my mind that was not the actuality. My experience is that the tendency to do this belies larger character deficits and that's not the kind of person I want to be with.

 

If I were you, with respect to this young man I'd just say you met at the coffee shop. It's true, just not the whole story. You can look anyone in the eye and tell them the truth and not have to blink. If at some point you want to say more you can without having to confess to having lied initially.

 

The other thing is that if you're going to do online dating just come to terms with it as the reality of the 21st century and don't worry about what people think. It's far better to hold your head high and say what's true straight up, let the other person deal with their own perceptions, and go about your life not having to worry about what they think or whether or not they'll somehow find you out. I met my last gf online, and the one I've more recently started seeing as well. My last gf's sister married a guy she met online, and my brother married a woman he met online just like thousands of others. When my previous gf and I were asked how we met, we'd simple say online, smile give each other a little kiss and let the person know that we weren't the least bit ashamed.

 

I didn't mean to go on so long- drinking coffee and just got carried away.

[iKING]

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

[FitChick]

What will you do if you want to have sex with the guy? Do it in his car instead of spending the night?

 

Why the rush to buy a house? You are a young, single woman. Rent a place on your own to see if you can handle living alone or get a housemate and learn to be independent. Then you can do what you please. Don't tie yourself down to one location so early in life.

 

When you meet the right man, you can split the cost of the house.