Posting here in complete desperation

[SkylerJean]

Idk what else to do. I'm 19 and painfully in love with my best friend. I've known him since we started high school and we became friends instantly. I've always felt like this about him, and it's driving me crazy! I've never told him how I feel because I'm afraid it will cause too much drama plus he has a girlfriend of over 3 years. I've never tried to break them up or anything like that, as a matter of fact, I'm the one who they both run to for advice with each other (how ironic is that). I'm so sick if feeling like this. He's all that matters to me. He's my best friend and everything I've ever wanted in a man. I can't even think of other guys, and I have tried. I know I need to get over him, but I don't know how. When I don't see him, I miss him like crazy just after two days. I don't want to lose the part of him I do have. I must sound like an idiot right now and I'm sorry if I do. Reply if you can.

[dirtysweet]

Idk what else to do. I'm 19 and painfully in love with my best friend. I've known him since we started high school and we became friends instantly. I've always felt like this about him, and it's driving me crazy! I've never told him how I feel because I'm afraid it will cause too much drama plus he has a girlfriend of over 3 years. I've never tried to break them up or anything like that, as a matter of fact, I'm the one who they both run to for advice with each other (how ironic is that). I'm so sick if feeling like this. He's all that matters to me. He's my best friend and everything I've ever wanted in a man. I can't even think of other guys, and I have tried. I know I need to get over him, but I don't know how. When I don't see him, I miss him like crazy just after two days. I don't want to lose the part of him I do have. I must sound like an idiot right now and I'm sorry if I do. Reply if you can.

 

I fell in love with my best friend too, except he lives in Canada and is unwilling to move for me--clearly doesn't care THAT much.

 

The real truth was he had the same feelings for me and we both eventually succumbed to those feelings. I even stopped talking to him for some time due to the drama that ensued. I only recently let him back into my life.

 

Unfortunately your best friend is in a relationship. You basically have to get over it, or you need to stop hanging out with him. This sounds extreme, but that's what you have to do when you like someone and it becomes overbearing. If you truly cannot bear to be away from him as a friend, then you need to date other people.

[briansprincess]

Unfortunately you are in a bad situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a few months. His best friend was in love with him as well and decided to tell him 2 years into our relationship. I am speaking out of experience, DO NOT TELL HIM! My boyfriend is now no longer friends with her. He wants nothing to do with her, his words exactly "anyone who can't respect the love I have for you,and keep their distance I don't want in my life." If you care and love him you will leave him alone. He is with her for a reason. If he loved you, he would be with you. Not her. There is so many guys out there.Don't be the girl to try to ruin a relationship. Find your own man hun. Think about how you would feel if you were his girlfriend and his best friend confessed her love. No way shape or form am i trying to be nasty, but please you will find someone who is single, right for you, and perfect for you at the right time. Be patient. Good luck! <3:D

[dirtysweet]

That is not to say you shouldn't form a relationship with a man you feel is your best friend. But this man is in a relationship, and from what you have said (or haven't said), he doesn't seem to be unhappy about it.

 

My biggest regret with my best friend was that he and I did have an affair while he was in a relationship. He was unhappy with the woman and they broke up, but he wasn't willing to pursue anything with me after they broke up. I was completely hurt by it and I was hurt for several years in fact, since he and I had been friends for over 10 years.

 

His girlfriend had been cheating on him too, but that's no excuse for what I did. I still feel crappy about it to this day and he still won't commit to me, despite calling me on a regular basis.

 

So... Basically you will end up how the poster above described, or you will end up how I described.

 

It's not a fairytale ending like the movies, unfortunately. So I really suggest you move on for your own mental health.

 

And please don't think you're the exception. Men rarely leave their mates for the woman they cheated with.

Edited March 7, 2013 by dirtysweet

[SkylerJean]

Unfortunately you are in a bad situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a few months. His best friend was in love with him as well and decided to tell him 2 years into our relationship. I am speaking out of experience, DO NOT TELL HIM! My boyfriend is now no longer friends with her. He wants nothing to do with her, his words exactly "anyone who can't respect the love I have for you,and keep their distance I don't want in my life." If you care and love him you will leave him alone. He is with her for a reason. If he loved you, he would be with you. Not her. There is so many guys out there.Don't be the girl to try to ruin a relationship. Find your own man hun. Think about how you would feel if you were his girlfriend and his best friend confessed her love. No way shape or form am i trying to be nasty, but please you will find someone who is single, right for you, and perfect for you at the right time. Be patient. Good luck! <3:D

 

 

That is exactly what I'm afraid of! That's why I haven't told him so far. My regret is that I didn't tell him for the two years I knew him when he was single. I've tried dating other guys, trust me. It doesn't ever feel right. I really can't ever see myself feeling like this for anyone else. I can't ever see these feelings going away or fading. Wow, I hate the way I sound.

[briansprincess]

That is exactly what I'm afraid of! That's why I haven't told him so far. My regret is that I didn't tell him for the two years I knew him when he was single. I've tried dating other guys, trust me. It doesn't ever feel right. I really can't ever see myself feeling like this for anyone else. I can't ever see these feelings going away or fading. Wow, I hate the way I sound.

 

Don't worry how you sound ! You can't help the way you feel. But trust me, you will be able to move on. You really need to try. They may break up and you may get a second chance to tell him. If it's meant to be it will be. The best way to show your love for someone is to be happy when they are happy. If he is happy, be happy for him. It's hard, but love is never easy.

[SkylerJean]

Don't worry how you sound ! You can't help the way you feel. But trust me, you will be able to move on. You really need to try. They may break up and you may get a second chance to tell him. If it's meant to be it will be. The best way to show your love for someone is to be happy when they are happy. If he is happy, be happy for him. It's hard, but love is never easy.

 

I'm wondering why I feel like this if it wasn't meant to be. I'm beginning to wonder why I ever met him. I'm a very strong believer in fate and I know there must me a reason why he's is my life. I can't bear the thought of letting him go. It hurts me to think of me without him there. Idk I'm just rambling now but it feels good to let this out. I've never been good at expressing my feelings and I guess that's why I'm here right now in this situation.

[briansprincess]

I'm wondering why I feel like this if it wasn't meant to be. I'm beginning to wonder why I ever met him. I'm a very strong believer in fate and I know there must me a reason why he's is my life. I can't bear the thought of letting him go. It hurts me to think of me without him there. Idk I'm just rambling now but it feels good to let this out. I've never been good at expressing my feelings and I guess that's why I'm here right now in this situation.

 

My first serious boyfriend before the boyfriend I have now I thought I was in love. He was the one. The whole fate thing. Until I met my boyfriend now. I'm completely, truly in love. Trust me, I can't bare the thought of ever letting my boyfriend go now, but if there ever came a time that I had to move on I would have to. You can't live your life like that because you will never be happy or find happiness. Trust me when I tell you when you find your right man, you will look back at this and be able to laugh. For right now I suggest you either stop being friends and move on. Or know that he is happy and in a relationship, respect it and be friends. I know it's hard. You can do it though.

[SkylerJean]

My first serious boyfriend before the boyfriend I have now I thought I was in love. He was the one. The whole fate thing. Until I met my boyfriend now. I'm completely, truly in love. Trust me, I can't bare the thought of ever letting my boyfriend go now, but if there ever came a time that I had to move on I would have to. You can't live your life like that because you will never be happy or find happiness. Trust me when I tell you when you find your right man, you will look back at this and be able to laugh. For right now I suggest you either stop being friends and move on. Or know that he is happy and in a relationship, respect it and be friends. I know it's hard. You can do it though.

 

I hope what your saying is true and works out that way for me too. It just seems so hopeless right now. I don't know how to get over him. I see him almost every day, and when I don't see him for a day I miss him like crazy. I know it's unhealthy to feel this way. But please believe me I'm not crazy. I just feel so attached to him. I feel so connected to him. Like he's my soulmate. I truly believe that he is. He's so perfect for me. I'd give anything to be able to be in his arms.

[briansprincess]

I hope what your saying is true and works out that way for me too. It just seems so hopeless right now. I don't know how to get over him. I see him almost every day, and when I don't see him for a day I miss him like crazy. I know it's unhealthy to feel this way. But please believe me I'm not crazy. I just feel so attached to him. I feel so connected to him. Like he's my soulmate. I truly believe that he is. He's so perfect for me. I'd give anything to be able to be in his arms.

 

Aw, I wish there was more I can tell you to make you feel better. Maybe one day you will be with him. I hope everything works out. Hang in there, and you don't sound crazy. You're in love.

[whichwayisup]

It's not easy to be friends with someone you're in love with, especially if they have a girlfriend.

 

Only answer here is, to slowly back off and detach from him. Not saying end the friendship, but spending time with him and letting your feelings take over and grow for him IS affecting your life in a negative way.

 

Don't tell him how you feel, it will ruin things.. Though if he knows you well, chances are, he probably knows how you feel on some level but has ignored it for the sake of your friendship.

 

Try to hang out with other friends and keep busier. Spend less one on one time with him ... As time goes on you'll detach as he won't be on your mind as much as he is now.

[whichwayisup]

I hope what your saying is true and works out that way for me too. It just seems so hopeless right now. I don't know how to get over him. I see him almost every day, and when I don't see him for a day I miss him like crazy. I know it's unhealthy to feel this way. But please believe me I'm not crazy. I just feel so attached to him. I feel so connected to him. Like he's my soulmate. I truly believe that he is. He's so perfect for me. I'd give anything to be able to be in his arms.

 

But you can't be in his arms..So you need to be really tough on yourself and make yourself detach from him. No more wishing and hoping, no more fantasizing about him. when you find your mind drifting and having thoughts of him, distract yourself immediately! Push thoughts of him out of your head and tell yourself, this is NOT good for me! He has a girlfriend and it's a huge waste of MY time, heart and love to lust after someone I can't have.

[SkylerJean]

But you can't be in his arms..So you need to be really tough on yourself and make yourself detach from him. No more wishing and hoping, no more fantasizing about him. when you find your mind drifting and having thoughts of him, distract yourself immediately! Push thoughts of him out of your head and tell yourself, this is NOT good for me! He has a girlfriend and it's a huge waste of MY time, heart and love to lust after someone I can't have.

 

That's what I'm trying to do but it's tough. I feel like half my heart is missing without him. I think I need some type of closure to heal and get over this. I'm thinking of telling him maybe just for that reason.

[Dragonfruit]

I'm old, so I will tell you those feelings may seem like they are killing you now but they will pass and likely it will not be the last time you have them for some guy, by a longshot.

 

I think being around him only makes it worse and it is kind of not really nice to play coach with him and his girlfriend when you secretly have a crush on him, you know? Imagine it from his girlfriend's point of view- would you want to tell all you business with your boyfriend to some girl who was in love with him? I don't mean to dismiss your feelings but only to tell you that they pass if not fed.

 

About the girlfriend- a girlfriend/boyfriend thing is not a marriage nor even an engagement. While you wouldn't want to cheat, there is no reason two people at nineteen years old should stay together if one of them decides she/he likes someone else better. Bf/Gf is not for keeps, it is only play/trial run for the possible real thing in the future. Most people go through many of them before they settle on their eventual mate. So, if he did like you better, nothing wrong with breaking up with girlfriend, waiting a decent few weeks of time, then getting together. But I would be very suprised if this was the case on his part, unfortunately. That sounds more fairy tale than likely in real life.

 

The reason is, I would find it very hard to believe he is not already well aware of your feelings for him, if you have been so crazy about him for some time. I think if this was a "go" on his part then it would have already happened long ago.

 

The problem- if your mind and heart are stuck on one unlikely prospect, you are not out meeting the guys who might like you back and with whom you might form real relationships with. This crush from afar kind of thing is teenage, not a grown up style of relationship, you know? That may be part of its charm, it's safe. How about backing off from these two, join a dating site, get out there for yourself now. You have better things to do with your life than babysit these two through their relationship dramas or dwell on some guy who isn't interested in you. I think you will quickly be happier if you move on, but all is just my opinion of course. Good luck to you.

Edited March 9, 2013 by Dragonfruit

[todreaminblue]

i dont know if crushes are just for the teenage realm.......i feel for you, but he has a girl, thats a no go zone however you look at it......even if he were to choose you over the girl he is with , would you question his idea of commitment?

 

I have a maybe crush dont really knwo what it is......im 43....what i do know is i admire a man who has values and beliefs and attitude that i respect deeply.....that deep respect has grown...and i know he isnt perfect but i have developed feelings....he doesnt make me giggle ...blush maybe yeah but i actually I feel a bit sick around him.......because i go awkward so .....have no idea what that is.......if he had a girlfriend i wouldnt want to have feelings for him at all...i would actively seek to date another and develop feelings for someone else...dont know if i can because it doesnt happen often...i just see a guy who has a girlfriend as off limits....even as friends if i like them because it isnt right.......dont tell him ....move on.......for you ...for him....for the girlfriend....that would be the right thing to do ...no matter how much you care for him.....it is not worth interfering in someones relationship....i have an ex he left me for an affair he had, he has told me many times he stuffed up since breaking up, at one point i contemplated going back to him and breaking up the relationship that was formed with a disregard for me adn my tribe of kids in general.....by both my ex and his new flame...i couldnt do it....even though she disrespected me ...and my family...i had no desire to follow suit...made me feel like crap ...so i let it go.......i hope you can let it go too.....in the future if he is single and you are single and still feel the same way then ....its right to tell him...otherwise its a no go.......best wishes......good luck....deb

Edited March 9, 2013 by todreaminblue

[SkylerJean]

I didn't expect to get so many answers and so quickly lol. I really do appreciate it. I feel like I have no one else to share this with. While I do respect all of your opinions I have to disagree with one poster who said that what I'm feeling is just "teenage feelings". I've had crushes before and I know the difference. This can't be just a crush. I've never felt this for anyone. I could easily spend the rest of my life with him and only him. I could see my whole life when I look at him. I just can't understand how one person could feel so strongly and the other feel something so different. It's not fair. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. It takes everything in me to keep from leaping into his arms when I'm with him. I feel so worthless. I don't know why he doesn't love me. I just want him to love me. I feel like screaming.

[anna121]

Even though it will hurt, your best bet is to not see him, and to ride out the bad stuff at the beginning.

 

If you force yourself to get into new habits, you WILL start to disengage. Of course, you need to reach out to others and make sure your life is full in other ways.

 

I know it's difficult, but you are only hurting yourself by remaining in close contact.

[MCGar]

I can't even think of other guys, and I have tried. I know I need to get over him, but I don't know how. When I don't see him, I miss him like crazy just after two days. I don't want to lose the part of him I do have. I must sound like an idiot right now and I'm sorry if I do. Reply if you can.

 

You can't think about other guys because you refuse to distance yourself from your one-sided attraction. The more you stay by his side, the more you will continue to stay bonded to him, and the more you will not be able to see any other guy clearly. You know how to break this cycle but you aren't doing it. Keep away from him in order to get over him. It's not fair to him or his girlfriend to have a 'false' friendship that isn't completely honest and forthright. It puts an unspoken burden on him because you want him so much.

That's not true friendship in my opinion. I would hate for any good friend of mine to be so close to me and nurture an attraction that I do not want any part of.

 

In another post you wondered if it was somewhat of fate, but it's really a product of your own choices to continue to put yourself by his side as his close friend all the while nurturing all those attraction feelings.

If there is anything of 'fate' at all I would think it would be that he is placed in your life for you to be able to learn a really big lesson on doing what is right for yourself and the other person even though it's painful.

 

Break from being his friend for a while and grieve him. Then when you are free of your dependency of him, and feel completely fulfilled as a person by yourself, you can consider looking at other guys.

 

You are completely responsible for your choices. Your feelings aren't dragging you along, you are the one that is making choices to hold on to those feelings and fuel them.