My girlfriend flirts a bit. Am i overracting with jealousy?

[benopie]

Hi, my girlfriend and i have been going out for about 4 months now. We seem to be doing pretty well and i'd say we have a pretty strong relationship overall. Sometimes i have my doubts and insecurities though. This past summer we spent a lot of time together. We went to parties and such and usually we'd have fun but sometimes i get jealous of other guys. My girlfriend is very attractive and has always been kinda flirtatious. Now if she ever gets flirtatious, or it seems as if a guy is "honing in" on my girlfriend, i get really insecure and depressed about it. Whenever this happens, as long as i express my feelings, she always reassures me that it didn't mean anything and that i'm the only guy for her. I believe her, i know she's telling me the truth.

 

There's this one guy i know named stephen. He's a nice guy and all but it seems like my gf has a fun time flirting with him and vice-versa. The other day we were at a pool party. She and i were next to each other and as stephen walked in to the hot tub she started to tug on his swim suit as if to pants him, right before my eyes. She didn't really try too hard but she still let out a laugh and he laughed too. I kinda pinched in her thigh so i could get her attention and she would automatically know i wasn't exactly thrilled. But that didn't happen, she didn't really pay attention to me at all. She just went on, talking to stephen. Later that night we somehow got on the topic of purple nurples. She said she didn't know how to give one and semi-wanted to try. She said "oooh, can i try?" I kinda muttered i'm the only guy she can give one to. She jokingly said, "why?...oh, is it because i'm weak and i can't really hurt you?" and i just kinda chuckled. The thought of her giving a purple nurple to a guy right in front of me seemed too flirty and i was just annoyed she didn't see that. I just said "nevermind" and just got out of the hot tub. I felt like she didn't understand me, understand where i was coming from. She really had no clue. Then later on in the hot tub again, it was really really crowded. Stephen was sitting across from her, and they pushed their feet up against each other's feet. They were trying to see who was stronger and blah blah blah. I kinda pinched her again and tried to get her attention but again she didn't notice. I kinda felt like she was trying to ignore me. I was ticked off by then. I talked to her later and she said she'd try to stop flirting so much. She seemed sorry, but i felt bad for making her feel that way.

 

She knows i'm especially insecure about stephen but she still kinda flirts. I know maybe my examples seem kinda far-fetched but i still can't help but get jealous. What it really comes down to is i just wanna know, am i overreacting? Is what she's doing going too far? especially right in front of me? Some resources tell me that wanting to pants him right in front of me is too far and i agree, but then again i don't wanna bug her about it. If she seems to be ok about it without having a clue maybe that's just how she is and i'll have to learn to live with it.

[Papillon]

The only way she'll stop flirting is if she knows that it bothers you. If she knows it, but still does it, regardless of your feelings, then I'd kick her ass out the door, good riddance.

[Vie]

I totally agree with Papillon.

 

 

I think what she has been doing to you with Stephen is totally disrespectful. If she felt sorry or regret it, she wouldnt do it again. As simple as that. You need to really watch out with flirts... sometimes they go further and be a cheater.

 

 

You sound like a sensitive and nice guy. You deserve to be with someone who respects and loves you.

[teck21]

I agree with both posters too.

 

You don't like her flirting, which is perfectly understandable and would of course like her to stop.

 

Tell her for the very last time you her flirting with anybody gets you really upset and you'd like her to stop. She flirst and doesn't won't stop even though she knows it makes you upset, which of course leads one to think 'what next'?

 

You're not asking her to renounce her family or religion or anything like that. If she can't give up flirting for you, what can or will she be willing to do for you? Not very much I think.

 

She sounds either very childish or simply does not care about you. For number two, you'd want her out as soon as possible. As for number one, doesn't sound like your kind from your post.

 

Good luck.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

How do you think she would feel if you started playfully pulling down

a bikini on a female friend in front of her? She is totally disrespecting you.

Her actions indicate that she is immature and really does not care if she is hurting your feelings. A person like this will most always hurting you in many psychological ways. It is not worth it. I would suggest you find someone else who can respect you and respect what it means to be a relationship. This girl does not have these attributes. I wish you luck.

[relent]

As you said she has always been flirty. I know of so many people that are naturally flirty and dont mean any harm although it causes problems for their other half. I did a few things like you said that your girlfriend did, and I honestly just acted before thinking. I didnt realise what i was doing until my boyfriend said to me then i said oh ****, and just thought about it and it was wrong. Although I did act flirty again and a few other times by doing things, but i just didnt think. Now a few years on I can tell you that im nothing like the way I was. I take my relationship alot more seriously and I do regret anything I have done. I have never cheated but did things i shouldnt have done, quite like your girlfriend. Make sure she knows that its upsetting you and things will get better. She may make more mistakes because someone being like that naturally isnt just going to stop so quickly. Just bare with her and ask her to try her best. Im still in the same relationship and the best I would do with a guy is a hug and a kiss on the cheek. im not saying what she is doing is right but maybe she just doesnt realise, because i didnt think what i was doing was any harm

 

Hope things work out.

[boyracer]

hey i am going thru the same thing at the moment, the sick feeling in the stomach, i get it wen i think about her being with other lads and it aint nice...i know...i cant bare to think what she is doing when i aint around..but i know she wont do anything, i can trust her its other lads i cant trust..its making me ill, i talk to my gf too and also feel terrible about it, but still dont feel like shes taking it in, i lose my temper quicker around other males if they ay her attention. all this shouldnt be happening and i also am trying to find a solution. do you think i am over reacting too???

 

Shaun