Girl who seems interested in me didn't reply to my call?

[fmfan08]

We haven't met, contacted for a a long while and want to meet one day. Been talking through text to get to know each other so it's no huge deal, but I click with her.

 

Only in the past 3 months we have been flirting, she initiates conversations too and when we phoned a few of weeks ago, the phone conversation flew really well and she said "It was nice speaking to you :-) x" then sent me a text a few days later saying ":-) x"

 

But fast forwarding to last saturday, I sent a flirty text and she responded in a very playful and flirty way, so I said I'd phone her on the sunday (in a flirty way) but she mentioned she had work from 8pm to 7am so she wasn't sure when she would be awake, but that I could phone her at some point.

 

I decided to avoid in case she was tired and phoned Monday and got no answer, without realising she was out, she texted "Out for tea sorry x". I didn't reply to her text and phoned her instead 3 days later and got no answer, however noticed she made a couple of tweets on Twitter an hour later (when I was on Twitter myself).

 

The call didn't go to voicemail, it said "this number is currently unavailable", which was the same as the call earlier in the week when she replied with a text, but wondering whether she didn't get it or if it was a hint.

 

Should I just not bother contacting and let her instead? What if she didn't get my missed call and thinks I'm ignoring her text instead?

[KoKo0]

Don't know, just text her back ... I've been trying to reach you, you haven't returned my calls, I won't bother you anymore.. Take care.

[CC12]

Why did you stop texting with her after that one phone call? If texting was your main method of communication, it seems weird to suddenly just switch to calling her all the time.

 

Anyway, it seems as though she's not really into talking on the phone whenever. I can understand that. I don't have conversations with people over the phone unless I'm at home and not doing anything. If she's out or around other people, it would be awkward to take your phone call. So I would suggest you stop calling her just whenever and stick to mostly texting for now. And at least ask over text first if she's not busy and can take a phone call.

 

Also, I hope this isn't too off-topic, but you should really have some concrete plans to meet this girl before you get too emotionally invested. You really can't treat this as a serious relationship until you actually meet her in person. It's just practical.

[GSB81]

"I didn't reply to her text and instead called her 3 days later." Gee I wonder why she's ignoring you.

[fmfan08]

Why did you stop texting with her after that one phone call? If texting was your main method of communication, it seems weird to suddenly just switch to calling her all the time.

 

Anyway, it seems as though she's not really into talking on the phone whenever. I can understand that. I don't have conversations with people over the phone unless I'm at home and not doing anything. If she's out or around other people, it would be awkward to take your phone call. So I would suggest you stop calling her just whenever and stick to mostly texting for now. And at least ask over text first if she's not busy and can take a phone call.

 

Also, I hope this isn't too off-topic, but you should really have some concrete plans to meet this girl before you get too emotionally invested. You really can't treat this as a serious relationship until you actually meet her in person. It's just practical.

 

Best piece of advice I've had on my issue. I guess I didn't want her thinking I was 'wussing' out and relying on texting, as opposed to phoning. She phones her guy/girl mates so I thought maybe that was the best approach. Most of our communication had been through text though, with it being her idea to call/FaceTime more in case we meet up, so it feels 'safer', because you hear all sorts of things nowadays.

 

I think she was spending time with her mum last night (she spends most her time living away at university) but I couldn't understand why she didn't reply with a text like last time. My only assumption would be that she had texted twice in a row already and doesn't want to look needy with a third. Just to note, my 'reply' to her texts have been phone calls which had got missed, so she knows I am at least making contact rather than ignoring.

 

Also, you are very right. I've been feeling slightly emotionally invested with her lately to the point I over analyse and over think everything, scared if I may lose her to someone closer to home and having to vent my insecurities on a forum rather than in the presence of her. It's probably why I have distanced contact a bit and initiate conversation every 3 days or so. I try to keep in mind that I'm mostly talking to words on a screen and I have never met her physically, so there's nothing too much to lose. Only thing I can imagine missing is the texts and clicking with her personality, which I could eventually find with another girl anyway.

 

You're right about asking her when to call.. I had it in my mind it was more confident just phoning her than asking, but our first phone call was similar a few weeks ago.. She had told me then she was excited and asked if that was sad, asked whether she wanted her to call me when travelling back on the train, I thought it would be better later on so she suggested half 9 at night which was good for her.

 

So yes, great advice. I will go back to texting, whether or not to keep it simple or send her a flirty text in a day or two, seeing as she hadn't responded to my call, I want to avoid neediness.

Edited March 8, 2013 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Okay she replied this afternoon with a text saying "Sorry i know i've been ignorant lately. Loads going on, i hope you're okay x"

 

I replied "its alright hadn't noticed as been busy with uni work that i deleted, will speak to you at the weekend x"

 

She replies like 15-20 seconds right after with "Yeah alright x"

 

Didn't want it to look like I was waiting on her all week of course.. replied the way I did because I felt that I didn't want it looking like I was continuing to chase her and I had other things to do (which I did). I feel like she knows I like her and might have been playing hard to get (possibly) so I didn't want to act needy in a reply, if you get me.

[road]

"I didn't reply to her text and instead called her 3 days later." Gee I wonder why she's ignoring you.

 

Stupid on OP's part for playing games.

 

Okay she replied this afternoon with a text saying "Sorry i know i've been ignorant lately. Loads going on, i hope you're okay x"

 

I replied "its alright hadn't noticed as been busy with uni work that i deleted, will speak to you at the weekend x"

 

She replies like 15-20 seconds right after with "Yeah alright x"

 

Didn't want it to look like I was waiting on her all week of course.. replied the way I did because I felt that I didn't want it looking like I was continuing to chase her and I had other things to do (which I did). I feel like she knows I like her and might have been playing hard to get (possibly) so I didn't want to act needy in a reply, if you get me.

 

Still playing games.

 

Proof you can not fix stupid.

[fmfan08]

Stupid on OP's part for playing games.

 

 

 

Still playing games.

 

Proof you can not fix stupid.

 

That's the starting point of attraction though, if I'm going to be too easy then she'll either play hard to get or lose the attraction, I've been there before.

 

That doesn't mean to play games all the time though, because I don't. I spend more time flirting and getting to know her. I hate the games stuff, but it's in most starting points for an attraction between two people, just obviously don't overdo it or they'll think they aren't interested or get annoyed.

 

I hate it when it usually ends up with me chasing the girl and they play hard to get or they move on to another guy. I'd rather give her some sort of challenge

[LonelyInsomniac]

AGH. GAMES. GAMES ARE FOR KIDS.

 

If you're just looking to fool around? Sure, games are a good way to do that. But that's all it is - fooling around. The real relationship doesn't start until the games stop.

 

You're used to getting played because you're playing a game where only one person wins in the end.

 

Now it's been established (even if it's not true) that A. you didn't even notice, and therefore are not that interested - so your emotions are not something she needs to take into consideration; or B. this relationship is a game, and coy withdrawals of attention are a valid tactic for getting your attention.

[fmfan08]

AGH. GAMES. GAMES ARE FOR KIDS.

 

If you're just looking to fool around? Sure, games are a good way to do that. But that's all it is - fooling around. The real relationship doesn't start until the games stop.

 

You're used to getting played because you're playing a game where only one person wins in the end.

 

Now it's been established (even if it's not true) that A. you didn't even notice, and therefore are not that interested - so your emotions are not something she needs to take into consideration; or B. this relationship is a game, and coy withdrawals of attention are a valid tactic for getting your attention.

 

I understand you and I do hate games myself, but I guess there's always wanting that sense of control and looking the "man". She hadn't picked up two calls during the week due to being out at the time, so I didn't want to look needy and waited until she came to/contact me again.

 

We live an hour away and I do click with her but studies of course get in the way and I do want to meet her. I guess I just want to keep it interesting until the time is right to meet, otherwise she might just see me as a friend.

[fmfan08]

Texted her today, but unsure if she is losing interest..

 

me - "Hey, staying out of trouble this week? x"

her - "Me? Trouble? Never x"

me - "Thought I saw your face on crimewatch, are you hard to handle? x" (meant this in a jokey way but feeling like I shouldn't have said it lol)

her - "Ha ha ha, how do you mean? Hard to handle x"

me - "That you're an interesting girl and wondering how your week went x"

her - "Been alright like. Not done much! Just uni. What about you? X"

me - "Sorting uni work out and went out last night. Are you still being the world's most brainiest girl at uni? x"

her - "No ha ha. I'm not even clever, it's a fluke! X x"

me - "Tell you what, if you ace another thing at uni, you'll know I was right xx"

her - "And if not, you're wrong x"

me - "I am pretty confident ;-) x"

her - To be fair, I've literally just checked my grades and I've got a 2:1, not my best x"

 

(I was a away for about half an hour at this point due to something coming up)

 

me - "Or you must secretly hate compliments! x"

her - "I don'tttt x"

me - "Haha. Off to watch rest of football match, talk to you soon [her name] x"

her - "Traaa x"

 

I'm probably over thinking it that she's losing interest, she responds to some of my flirty texts but I get the feeling she's a bit unenthusiastic.. but it would be great if someone could read it from a fresh perspective..

[CC12]

Do you ever have like, normal conversations with her? Ones where you're being genuine and interesting and not just throwing cheesy pickup lines at her? Your half of the conversation reads like you were copy-pasting from a book of pickup lines or something. Flirting is fine, but you're laying it on really thick. Between that and the whole "Yeah, I didn't even notice your absence, so whatever, talk to you later" it really seems like you're trying way too hard to game the crap out of this girl. It's really off-putting. It would be to me, at least.

 

Are you trying to follow some kind of dating method you read about online? I do not think it is working out for you. It is making you look like kind of a wang. Can you just try to be genuine? If being yourself doesn't work out, then she's not the person for you.

 

And, again, you're getting too invested in this person you haven't even met and have no plans to meet, even though she lives only an hour away. What is stopping you from asking her out on a date and traveling by car, bus, train, etc to see her? Put energy into that instead of fretting about whether she's interested in you.

[fmfan08]

Do you ever have like, normal conversations with her? Ones where you're being genuine and interesting and not just throwing cheesy pickup lines at her? Your half of the conversation reads like you were copy-pasting from a book of pickup lines or something. Flirting is fine, but you're laying it on really thick. Between that and the whole "Yeah, I didn't even notice your absence, so whatever, talk to you later" it really seems like you're trying way too hard to game the crap out of this girl. It's really off-putting. It would be to me, at least.

 

Are you trying to follow some kind of dating method you read about online? I do not think it is working out for you. It is making you look like kind of a wang. Can you just try to be genuine? If being yourself doesn't work out, then she's not the person for you.

 

And, again, you're getting too invested in this person you haven't even met and have no plans to meet, even though she lives only an hour away. What is stopping you from asking her out on a date and traveling by car, bus, train, etc to see her? Put energy into that instead of fretting about whether she's interested in you.

 

You're right.. I guess I didn't want to come off as too boring and hoping I haven't over done what you have mentioned.

 

Just to note, our conversations aren't ALWAYS like that. I usually ask how her day was and personal questions. Our phone conversations have been more asking personal things and getting to know her, with the occasional compliment but there are only times I use "pick up lines".

 

Should I text her about meeting up or something? I do like her personality but I'd have to be around her to "like her" properly. I'm thinking of suggesting a time to visit soon and see how she reacts to it. She is single though and has guy mates, most likely likes a few people or has some chasing her (I can't really judge that not knowing her life or being around her).

 

Btw, is a good to lose contact and let her initiate it? She probably initiates a third of it. I just don't want to look like I'm playing games, but at the same time not wanting to look "easy".

[fmfan08]

Btw, I know I should ask a girl out over the phone instead, but would it be fine to "unofficially" ask her over text? I.e saying something like "I should take you out sometime soon!" just to test her interest, then ask her out officially with a place/time over the phone?

[Cutiepie1976]

Stupid on OP's part for playing games.

 

 

 

Still playing games.

 

Proof you can not fix stupid.

 

...and it continues!

 

I understand you and I do hate games myself, but I guess there's always wanting that sense of control and looking the "man". She hadn't picked up two calls during the week due to being out at the time, so I didn't want to look needy and waited until she came to/contact me again.

 

We live an hour away and I do click with her but studies of course get in the way and I do want to meet her. I guess I just want to keep it interesting until the time is right to meet, otherwise she might just see me as a friend.

 

Sorry but immature boys play childish games. IME, men interested in actual relationships don't. Do you feel like much of a man when they disengage because of these silly games and pick another guy?

 

BTW, I'm trying to understand why it has taken you three months to even consider asking her on a date? Asking for a date three months ago would have been the manly thing to do...not playing games of feigned indifference, three-day delays in communication, and pickup lines.

 

Please learn to be confident in who you really are. Men who are genuine and honest are incredibly appealing.

[Cutiepie1976]

Btw, I know I should ask a girl out over the phone instead, but would it be fine to "unofficially" ask her over text? I.e saying something like "I should take you out sometime soon!" just to test her interest, then ask her out officially with a place/time over the phone?

 

 

It's been three months of hemming and hawing with cheesy pickup lines. I would grow a pair and just ask her out already.

 

Taking a mealymouthed approach like this three months in is neither manly nor being in control...to use your own descriptors. For many, it can be offputting.

[CC12]

Btw, I know I should ask a girl out over the phone instead, but would it be fine to "unofficially" ask her over text? I.e saying something like "I should take you out sometime soon!" just to test her interest, then ask her out officially with a place/time over the phone?

 

I think it's fine to ask her out over text, this time. If she wants to go out with you, she's not going to say no because you did it over text. And just ask. Don't test the waters by being all "I should take you out someday!" Pick a time and a place and just say, "Are you free on Friday? Want to meet up for dinner at 7?" If she says yes, then ask if you can call her to work out the details.

[fmfan08]

Only problem is I have no idea of places in her area to take her. Usually we have to arrange phone calls by text because she is a busy girl, last two times I decided to be spontaneous and call her last week, she was out.

 

I'll text her soon about wanting to get to know her more. When I texted her on valentines day, she mentioned something that I better take her out before next valentines so I could jokingly use that when asking her.. But yeah I have no idea of any places in her area to take her.

 

I also tweeted something about my parrot making too much noise and she replied to it "you have a parrot? Haha" . I said "yeah, I'm secretly a parrot"

 

She seems to be shy on the phone or when I want to phone her as before I did he mentioned she was excited and asked if it was sad, which is odds as she phones guy mates etc

[fmfan08]

...and it continues!

 

 

 

Sorry but immature boys play childish games. IME, men interested in actual relationships don't. Do you feel like much of a man when they disengage because of these silly games and pick another guy?

 

BTW, I'm trying to understand why it has taken you three months to even consider asking her on a date? Asking for a date three months ago would have been the manly thing to do...not playing games of feigned indifference, three-day delays in communication, and pickup lines.

 

Please learn to be confident in who you really are. Men who are genuine and honest are incredibly appealing.

 

I would do but it was her suggesting we should talk on the phone more so she would know who she was meeting. She's also back and forth between uni and home too but I'll go for it.

[fmfan08]

Okay, i'll text her asking how her day was and telling her that I want to get to know her more and suggest a time to phone her when she isn't busy.

 

I'll talk to her for about 10 minutes or so and probably ask if she wants to get a coffee as we haven't met in person, I think something big for a date would be a bit too much at first.. Not sure on what day though, usually I suggest a time and place if I know a girl in person, but she is to and from uni, has work, etc.. would it be bad to suggest a place to go but not a day/time? I'm fairly busy myself so we'd both have to find times we are both free.

[Cutiepie1976]

I would recommend you agree on a date and time on your phone call. I would also encourage you to propose meeting near her. There are so many online resources to find great places to go. Given the three month delay, consider picking something other than coffee at this point. Perhaps a meal, a gastropub, or an activity like minigolf. If you have budget issues, a dessert place and a walk could do.

 

Still, what you do is way less important than just asking her out at this point and picking a date and time.

 

Good luck!

[fmfan08]

I would recommend you agree on a date and time on your phone call. I would also encourage you to propose meeting near her. There are so many online resources to find great places to go. Given the three month delay, consider picking something other than coffee at this point. Perhaps a meal, a gastropub, or an activity like minigolf. If you have budget issues, a dessert place and a walk could do.

 

Still, what you do is way less important than just asking her out at this point and picking a date and time.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks! Yeah, I'd never leave it this long to ask her, but she wanted to make sure she wasn't meeting someone bad. We have actually been in contact over 3 years, but it was kinda light flirting, a long time we didn't talk, etc, then same again. Last few months it's been a bit more serious.

 

Wondering what sort of meal though, not sure going too fancy would be wise at first as it's why I thought coffee would be decent to get her familarised with me in person but the three month delay, yeah.. I just don't want to "overplay" the dinner thing.

 

EDIT: Also, she replied to my tweet when I said I am secretly a pirate for owning a parrot, she said "thought so :)"

 

But yeah, this is new territory for me this longer distance thing. She seems to be the sort who has a lot of guy mates, likes partying and rarely in relationships, whether she is shy in that area I don't know. For a girl who is outgoing and for her to say "I'm excited" and a bit nervous for me phoning her (seeing as she uses the phone all the time with friends), maybe she is shy when it comes to the relationship area and someone taking interest in her, etc.

Edited March 13, 2013 by fmfan08

[Cutiepie1976]

Three years??? Dinner!

 

I hate to have to tell you this, but dinner is a very typical first date. I have yet to have a guy suggest coffee as a first date. It's only on LS that I've heard of that as a dating option...

 

Feelings are mixed about whether it's a good idea.

Edited March 13, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[CC12]

No, don't take her anywhere ultra fancy on your first meeting. But you're not going to travel an hour just to have a fifteen minute coffee date. How about asking her to lunch?

 

But yeah, this is new territory for me this longer distance thing

Respectfully, the whole dating/talking to women thing seems to be new territory for you. Also, this isn't really "long distance." She's an hour away. That's not an impossible distance. Do you drive?

 

I also tweeted something about my parrot making too much noise and she replied to it "you have a parrot? Haha" . I said "yeah, I'm secretly a parrot"

Why didn't you just answer her question honestly? That's an interesting thing you can talk to people about.

[fmfan08]

No, don't take her anywhere ultra fancy on your first meeting. But you're not going to travel an hour just to have a fifteen minute coffee date. How about asking her to lunch?

 

Haha, an hour to take her for coffee? I can see the problem with that, yeah lunch is better.

 

Respectfully, the whole dating/talking to women thing seems to be new territory for you. Also, this isn't really "long distance." She's an hour away. That's not an impossible distance. Do you drive?

 

It's not a new thing for me, I used to be good with it in my teen years but I took a break to focus on work due to my last relationship ending pretty badly, not been in the game for a while so it's really a confidence issue I have. I don't drive either but there's trains/coaches that go to exactly where she lives.

 

Why didn't you just answer her question honestly? That's an interesting thing you can talk to people about.

 

I tend to find I reply to things like that, but I'll bring it up in a phone conversation instead!