nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I have had the same hairstylist for a year or so, and it seems there is a mutual attraction, always awesome conversation, always flirty, always end up on the topic of sex, we get along quite well, and we are both very awkward when I leave. Always makes sure she tells me I'm cute at least once or twice during my visit. Also we are both in relationships, I have a girlfriend of a year and a half and she has a boyfriend of 2 years. We are pretty much opposite, but I can tell she is really interested in my lifestyle and particularly interested in jobs I will be able to land out of grad school in 2 months. The last 3 times I've went she tells me extremely personal details about her relationship with her boyfriend and problems with his family. Things like he and his family want kids and marriage asap and she wants to wait a couple more years. She is 24, and so am I btw. She has complained about him numerous times. Also, she knows about my relationship with my girlfriend, who has also been her client. She came to know from her friend which also is my gf's friend about infidelity in our relationship. I have opened up about my problems with her (infidelity, and other relationship troubles spawning from infidelity, and my relationship with the other girl). She makes sure and counters my gf actions with how she would handle it when I bring up the things that bother me. She has messed up on my girls hair twice the last two times (she is a professional, I've seen her cut my girlfriends hair perfect until recently) and other hairdressers have commented on her pretty bad screw ups. I can also tell lol, she can get a pretty cheap haircut and it is way better. Also this was after she started sharing her problems and asking about mine after learning from her friend, it seems she may have developed some kind of grudge against my gf. My girlfriend refuses to go to her again, it is a higher end place and I wouldn't go back either if she screwed my hair up for a pretty penny. She does my hair perfect, every time, never once has messed up. Usually spends about 45 min. perfecting my hair and I am the pickiest of men when it comes to hair that you will ever meet lol. When we get done talking about personal issues she always tells me to not tell my girlfriend, and is always throwing things in the conversation that she wouldn't tell her boyfriend about our conversation or certain things about him or his family to work it out which is what most couples should do. Yesterday, we had one conversation in particular about how she went out with some friends and invited some clients along (boyfriend didn't come). One was a guy, whom she went into detail about him trying to get into her pants. She kept mentioning that she wouldn't ever tell her boyfriend about that guy who knows him, but she's telling me. She mentioned that he even asked about the neck massages, you dont give it to everyone do you? Which is something most salons do. This was right after she gave the best one ever to me, went extra long and had so much extra effort this time for some reason, and she knows it turned me on lol. She also kept mentioning she likes to hang out with clients outside of the salon all the time and that she meant nothing when hanging out with him or any other client(we have never actually hung out, probably bc we are both in pretty tight relationships...that seem to be failing). This talk confused the hell out of me btw. 1. Are we starting to have an emotional affair or does she just want a tip? btw I tip same tip every time, consistently, so I don't think so. 2. Is she hinting at hanging out with me outside of the salon? 3. What can I do or should I do? I am moving in 2 months and have no idea what to do because my girlfriend and I are planning on moving together, yet I am not 100% sure about it, and I'm sure neither is she due to our past and based on the talks we have had about moving. So, that said I am really confused. I really like this girl and it feels like she might feel the same about me, and I can't let myself pass it up but at the same time I am not 100% sure that she wants me too. Edited March 8, 2013 by nymets clarity Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Going to a barber would solve this problem. It's just that... Well you're a dude... And you go to a hairstylist... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Going to a barber would solve this problem. It's just that... Well you're a dude... And you go to a hairstylist... Not sure what your problem is, but plenty of straight men go to a hairstylist... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Anyone else have any insight? I know it's a long post...sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
noble Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 sooo.. youve been unfaithful to your girlfriend in the past? and now you want to cheat on her with your hairdresser, too? you obviously dont seem to care all that much about your current relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) sooo.. youve been unfaithful to your girlfriend in the past? and now you want to cheat on her with your hairdresser, too? you obviously dont seem to care all that much about your current relationship.. Can't really elaborate because its a long story, she has also cheated on me and our relationship has lost all of the trust we once had. I asked for help, not criticism. Isn't that what this forum is for? And also isn't this sub forum about cheating and flirting? Please, just someone actually give me some real advice instead of criticism. Basically, I am not thinking I should cheat again, I want to know if anyone else thinks she's interested because I'm not 100% sure. If I come to that conclusion I think she would be willing to leave her bf and I am willing to leave my girl...just don't want to burn my bridges for an awesome haircut and risk her telling my girl or something and then I have no girl. Edited March 8, 2013 by nymets Expand so people understand my reasoning Link to post Share on other sites
noble Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I'm not trying to be super judgemental, but don't you think your gf deserves to be someone who really wants to be with her, and only her? If you're even considering being with someone else, you should break up with her. You're being a coward about it though, because you don't want to be alone. That's kind of a selfish move. Would you be okay with it if the tables were turned? If your gf was scouting out a new boy, but didnt want to break up with you yet until she knew for sure if the new guy liked her? There are no guarantees in life. this new hair stylist might like you, she might not. the only way to find out is to break up with your girlfriend and ask her out. dont be lame and keep your girlfriend around just because you dont want to be alone, though. Also, if you have both cheated on each other and there is "no trust" like you claim, then you should end it anyways because a relationship devoid of trust cannot survive. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 It's "What is up with my hairstylist and me." And frankly, if you don't see it - we can't help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) It's "What is up with my hairstylist and me." And frankly, if you don't see it - we can't help you. haha, i guess she either wants me on the side, or possibly willing to leave her bf...I'll have to see for myself what exactly she wants then, and possibly leave my gf in the process (not going to cheat on her again, not going to leave her til I'm 100% sure). I prefer her leaving her bf. But I guess I'm a little hesitant to leave my current gf since I still have some feelings for her, thats one of my main concerns. Edited March 8, 2013 by nymets grammar Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Darling, it's very simple: You're a cake-eater. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that - providing you're up-front, clear from the start, and you don't lie to, deceive or cheat on anyone. You might be interested in something I wrote on someone else's thread a day or two ago, specifically, posts #14 ansd #25. I think you'll find it may describe you to a T..... Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Whether the hairstylist wants you or not, I think you should let your current gf go anyway. A relationship filled with cheating, no trust, and you're looking for other girls as if you're still on the market? Just cut it off so you both can find more suitable partners. As for the hairstylist... if she REALLY did purposely botch your gf's haircut, that says a lot about what kind of person she is... I personally would never want to be with a person who would do something like that, you may want to think carefully about what it might mean for you to be in a relationship with a girl who is so very spiteful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Darling, it's very simple: You're a cake-eater. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that - providing you're up-front, clear from the start, and you don't lie to, deceive or cheat on anyone. You might be interested in something I wrote on someone else's thread a day or two ago, specifically, posts #14 ansd #25. I think you'll find it may describe you to a T..... Thank you very much for the insight. You are right, pretty much describes me! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Whether the hairstylist wants you or not, I think you should let your current gf go anyway. A relationship filled with cheating, no trust, and you're looking for other girls as if you're still on the market? Just cut it off so you both can find more suitable partners. As for the hairstylist... if she REALLY did purposely botch your gf's haircut, that says a lot about what kind of person she is... I personally would never want to be with a person who would do something like that, you may want to think carefully about what it might mean for you to be in a relationship with a girl who is so very spiteful. I don't think that it's a 'relationship' he's interested in.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I don't think that it's a 'relationship' he's interested in.... Yeah, I'm pretty much past the cheating. I've grown up a lot since and it really hurt to be payed back. And the botching of the haircut, she might have been upset about the the way I was treated. It's messed up but I understand, given what I have shared with her about our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Not sure what your problem is, but plenty of straight men go to a hairstylist... Not the point, you're going there because you know there are women there, especially this one. You are engaged in flirting and are on some level of emotional affair. GSB81 is right, you needed to take yourself out of a potentially bad situation, this is not to be trifled with, your girlfriend is making a big decision moving away with you..meanwhile you're flirting with your hairdresser Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 1. Are we starting to have an emotional affair or does she just want a tip? btw I tip same tip every time, consistently, so I don't think so. If you would have the same conversations in front of your partners, then no affair/cheating. 2. Is she hinting at hanging out with me outside of the salon? Perhaps. Inappropriate and, if the tone indicates what I think it does, you would be part of a 'harem'. 3. What can I do or should I do? Given the totality, I'd move, as planned, but without GF and find a good male hair stylist at your new place of residence. As a point of reference, I was married to a hair stylist. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Not the point, you're going there because you know there are women there, especially this one. You are engaged in flirting and are on some level of emotional affair. GSB81 is right, you needed to take yourself out of a potentially bad situation, this is not to be trifled with, your girlfriend is making a big decision moving away with you..meanwhile you're flirting with your hairdresser Understood now, totally haha...didn't get GSB81 at all until you clarified, I feel so dumb for not. If you would have the same conversations in front of your partners, then no affair/cheating. Of course I wouldn't, and I don't think anyone else would. Perhaps. Inappropriate and, if the tone indicates what I think it does, you would be part of a 'harem'. Harem, it sounds fun. But I'm not at all interested! Given the totality, I'd move, as planned, but without GF and find a good male hair stylist at your new place of residence. As a point of reference, I was married to a hair stylist. Good luck. Thanks for the great advice, especially the answer to #3. Not going to change how much i like her though. Edited March 9, 2013 by nymets Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Well, girlfriends and boyfriends are not husbands and wives. There is no implied commitment beyond the current time with that. It sounds like you want to leave girlfriend for hairdresser if hairdresser wants to leave her boyfriend for you. I think hairdresser has given you enough encouragement that it would not seem weird to have a talk with her and tell her your proposed plan. If she says yes, then you know your next move. If she says no, then you still have to figure out if you are moving with current girlfriend or not. Hey, if that's what you want, go for it. I do not think a girl who is talking about sex with you and telling you things she doesn't tell her boyfriend is going to snitch on you for asking. Good luck! Edited March 9, 2013 by Dragonfruit Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 Well, girlfriends and boyfriends are not husbands and wives. There is no implied commitment beyond the current time with that. It sounds like you want to leave girlfriend for hairdresser if hairdresser wants to leave her boyfriend for you. I think hairdresser has given you enough encouragement that it would not seem weird to have a talk with her and tell her your proposed plan. If she says yes, then you know your next move. If she says no, then you still have to figure out if you are moving with current girlfriend or not. Hey, if that's what you want, go for it. I do not think a girl who is talking about sex with you and telling you things she doesn't tell her boyfriend is going to snitch on you for asking. Good luck! That pretty much encapsulated my feelings. I am ready to leave if she is, and probably will leave even if she isn't willing and just move on with life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Understood now, totally haha...didn't get GSB81 at all until you clarified, I feel so dumb for not. Yeah, I wasn't implying that you are gay, you obviously aren't. Here's something to consider if you make the move to the hairstylist... What's to stop her from falling for another cute customer? You have a glimpse of how she behaves in a relationship, how much respect she has for her boyfriend when a new guy catches her eye. How are you gonna feel when you surprise her at work and see her chatting up some cute guy while she snips away at his locks? I speak from experience, what a girl will do to one boyfriend she will most likely do to another. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I've had this. (Happens to all good Mets Fans. Ha) It's hard to know if you're just shooting the shi+ or you're connecting. I actually had this kinda scene with two "hair syslists" that I saw for a long time, But in truth I got my hair cut by other women for shorter periods and the gab just flowed. Consider that they must get hit on often in that role and she may like you because you haven't. But you can be honest and up front with her and say that--something like "I know you must get hit on all the time and I don't want to seem like that but if there's a chance that you'll see me socially, I just have to know". Then she either gives you her number or says, I like you too but I can't or w/e. If you go out then things will change. If you don't they will change only if you act like a weirdo like you've been rejected and are uptight around her. Let's Go Mets. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nymets Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I've had this. (Happens to all good Mets Fans. Ha) It's hard to know if you're just shooting the shi+ or you're connecting. I actually had this kinda scene with two "hair syslists" that I saw for a long time, But in truth I got my hair cut by other women for shorter periods and the gab just flowed. Consider that they must get hit on often in that role and she may like you because you haven't. But you can be honest and up front with her and say that--something like "I know you must get hit on all the time and I don't want to seem like that but if there's a chance that you'll see me socially, I just have to know". Then she either gives you her number or says, I like you too but I can't or w/e. If you go out then things will change. If you don't they will change only if you act like a weirdo like you've been rejected and are uptight around her. Let's Go Mets. lol. Today she called me out of nowhere asking me out for drinks haha. There were others there but she told me not to tell my gf she asked, she told me this like 3 times and asked if she'd get mad if she knew haha. I had something going on at the moment so I told her I couldn't make it and said to hit me up next time. Looks like she wants the D, but not too sure if I'm going to give it to her unless she wants to leave Link to post Share on other sites
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