A truly pathetic situation

[sit down vision]

I started a thread several months ago about a platonic female friend that I have feelings for. I asked for advice about admitting my feelings, and the responses were just about split down the middle as to whether or not I should take this step. This was back in December. It's March, and I have not told her how I feel. This is mostly on me, but I sort of blame it on the lack of a good opportunity (lame, I know).

 

As I mentioned in a previous thread, I know this woman from a band that we're both in. We see each other for a few hours at a time about twice a week for practice. This is somebody who has been an actual friend in the past, even fairly recently. I define this as hanging out, texting back and forth, etc. This is somebody who seems to have at least genuinely liked me as a platonic friend.

 

I feel like this has changed, and it's my fault. I have always had pretty bad social anxiety, and during practice it gets much worse. I'm pathetically afraid of saying something that will make her "not like me". This results in me either being way too quiet or saying actually stupid, unnatural things in front of her. We had a practice tonight, and I have the distinct impression that: a. she doesn't like me, even as a friend, and b. she is attracted to my bandmate, and the feeling is mutual. My other bandmate, who I suspect she likes, is somebody who is a good friend of mine and I've been hanging out with quite a bit recently.

 

Obviously, if there is a mutual attraction I should "step aside" (although it's not like I'm standing in the way exactly) and accept that it will happen. It does kind of drive me crazy, though. It's just something that I can't help, but there is a good chance I'll need to get over it.

 

The real issue I'm having now is her not liking me, at all. This is what I find truly pathetic in myself, that I'm concerned about whether or not she likes me as a friend. If she never liked me that would be one thing, but I hate the feeling that I ruined the relationship that I did have with her. And since she's somebody who I am going to have to spend a of time with in the future, it's going to be especially difficult to deal with.

 

I'm not sure what advice I'm asking for, exactly. I know I'm opening myself up for potential insults/brutal honesty on an anonymous, public forum. And just getting over her entirely and finding somebody else would be the logical thing to do. But I'm having trouble letting go of the idea that there is nobody else like her.

 

Regardless, whatever happens or doesn't happen between her and me romantically, I'm hoping to maintain a friendship at least.

[ThatDudeAgain]

I was in a similar situation under slightly different circumstances. However, the main difference is that I confessed my feelings to my friend. Waiting for the right time or opportunity can and usually does set people back. If you don't see one coming around then make one.

 

Anyway, I confessed to my friend and she didn't feel the same way towards me, but I truly value our friendship, so we are still good friends today.

 

Either way, communication is key to EVERY relationship, platonic or romantic. Talk to your friend. If it turns out she likes you then great, if not, don't beat yourself up for it. You are in a band and will likely meet a lot more people throughout your life.