Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I feel like this is an immature thing for me to wonder about. My boyfriend is still friends with an ex of his. They dated 6 years ago, long before I entered the picture. And things never were that serious between them. The relationship lasted a month. They still hang out once in a while. Since we've been dating every time he hangs out with her I am invited also. I get along really well with her. We have a lot of things in common. Last time we all hung out, she even chided my boyfriend about not bringing me around more. So... after meeting her a few times, I felt comfortable sending her a friend request on facebook. She didn't accept it. And then he told me last night that we are hanging out with her again this weekend. This just seems awkward. Now I am wondering if she doesn't really like me that much and her being all nice is just a fake act. Last weekend she had been complaining because she hasn't hung out with my bf in a while, but when I invited her to meet us somewhere for lunch she said she didn't want to be a third wheel. Idk... does this woman secretly dislike me? Was it wrong to send her a friend request? Probably a stupid thing to worry about, I know, but it's still bugging me, especially now that I will see her again this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Idk... does this woman secretly dislike me? Was it wrong to send her a friend request? Probably a stupid thing to worry about, I know, but it's still bugging me, especially now that I will see her again this weekend. Don't let it play on your mind. In my experience this happens when someone pushes 'not now' or whatever is the option is when when they can't accept you straight away (ie she could have been on her phone when the request came through and wanted to postpone your request for a while) and they forget. You have to look for the request if you don't confirm it straight away and lots of people don't realise or don't bother. She could have privacy reasons too. I very much doubt this has much to do with you personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Please..... She has the hots for your boyfriend, who probably doesn't have them back. She asks him not to bring you... She acts fake near you. She asks when the two of them are going to hang out.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Please..... She has the hots for your boyfriend, who probably doesn't have them back. She asks him not to bring you... She acts fake near you. She asks when the two of them are going to hang out.... She didn't ask him not to bring me. She doesn't act fake around me. Yes, she did ask when the two of them were going to hang out, but they've been friends for 6 years. I should also add, just so everyone is aware, that she has a long term boyfriend also. She isn't single. But, I am not completely dismissing your opinion. I suppose it's possible she has a thing for him. But it's pretty obvious he doesn't for her. SO even if that's the case I'm not worried. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 She's jealous of you. She's an ex- but maybe she's hung out with him all this time, because she still has 'a thing' for him..... Seems obvious really - all the signs are there.... And talking of signs, remember her body language? Anything there betray the fact that she's actually more hung up on him than either you or your BF realise? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Don't let it play on your mind. In my experience this happens when someone pushes 'not now' or whatever is the option is when when they can't accept you straight away (ie she could have been on her phone when the request came through and wanted to postpone your request for a while) and they forget. You have to look for the request if you don't confirm it straight away and lots of people don't realise or don't bother. She could have privacy reasons too. I very much doubt this has much to do with you personally. You know what, I didn't think of this. I have gotten friend requests on my phone before and not been able to except them from there... then forgot until a few days later. Good point, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I wonder what her current BF thinks about her hanging around with her ex- ... It just seems odd to me. But then, maybe your next meeting will bring more clarity... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 You know what, I didn't think of this. I have gotten friend requests on my phone before and not been able to except them from there... then forgot until a few days later. Good point, It's usually something silly like this, happened to me too. In the meantime enjoy the explosion your thread has created Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 She's jealous of you. She's an ex- but maybe she's hung out with him all this time, because she still has 'a thing' for him..... Seems obvious really - all the signs are there.... And talking of signs, remember her body language? Anything there betray the fact that she's actually more hung up on him than either you or your BF realise? I'm very observant and I notice body language really well. Nonverbal communication is actually something I've done a lot of reading about. I didn't see anything about her body language that was cause for worry. When we went out to lunch last weekend she sat across the table from me. And then back at her apartment she sat across from me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I wonder what her current BF thinks about her hanging around with her ex- ... It just seems odd to me. But then, maybe your next meeting will bring more clarity... Nowadays still being friends with ex's isn't all that strange. With all the social media we have now it's hard to keep people entirely in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 She didn't ask him not to bring me. She doesn't act fake around me. Yes, she did ask when the two of them were going to hang out, but they've been friends for 6 years. I feel like this is an immature thing for me to wonder about. My boyfriend is still friends with an ex of his. They dated 6 years ago, long before I entered the picture. And things never were that serious between them. The relationship lasted a month. They still hang out once in a while. Since we've been dating every time he hangs out with her I am invited also. I get along really well with her. We have a lot of things in common. Last time we all hung out, she even chided my boyfriend about not bringing me around more. So... after meeting her a few times, I felt comfortable sending her a friend request on facebook. She didn't accept it. And then he told me last night that we are hanging out with her again this weekend. This just seems awkward. Now I am wondering if she doesn't really like me that much and her being all nice is just a fake act. Last weekend she had been complaining because she hasn't hung out with my bf in a while, but when I invited her to meet us somewhere for lunch she said she didn't want to be a third wheel. Idk... does this woman secretly dislike me? Was it wrong to send her a friend request? Probably a stupid thing to worry about, I know, but it's still bugging me, especially now that I will see her again this weekend. Why are you contradicting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 Why are you contradicting yourself. I'm not contradicting myself. You clearly misunderstood me. She chided my bf about not bringing me over more. In otherwords she gave him crap about NOT bringing me over more. She had all these empty wine bottles sitting on her kitchen floor and I said something about them. She said she was saving them because she wants to get into home brewing. Home brewing has actually been a hobby of mine for a decade. I told her I am a home brewer. She turned to my bf and was like, "Why don't you bring her over more? Now I have someone to home brew with if you would stop keeping her all to yourself all the time." Somehow out of that you get that she asked him not to bring me? Maybe now that I went into more detail you can understand better? And as far as the fake thing... I didn't say she acts fake around me. I said she's nice to me... but now her not accepting my friend request makes me wonder if her being nice is just being fake. No contradictions here. Hope this clears everything up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 How about you call her and take her for coffee or lunch. or to go shopping, do something fun together without your bf being there. Wouldn't hurt to try! Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 She might be the type who prefers to get to know someone in person before adding them on facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Do you know how many FB friends she has? Some people prefer to keep it select. Link to post Share on other sites
Celtica Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Idk... does this woman secretly dislike me? Was it wrong to send her a friend request? Probably a stupid thing to worry about, I know, but it's still bugging me, especially now that I will see her again this weekend. Wlllll, yaaahhh!!!! I mean goodness, my dad's girlfriend has tried numerous times to invite my mom to Christmas, dinner, etc. and my mom flat upfront refuses (I'm the go-between) even though my mom still meets my dad every once in a blue moon for coffee (they consider themselves still friends, though not close). And his girlfriend gets really pissed when she finds that out. Honestly, a girlfriend inviting a boyfriend's ex, whether it be ex-wife/girlfriend/lover, just looks foolish (no offense to you, I'm mostly looking at my dad's gf). She looks like she is trying her hardest to accept this friendship my dad has with his ex-wife. SO, I'm sorry to say, but even though it was 6 years ago and a month of dating, this woman most likely still has feelings or a hope of getting back together with him via "the friendship train". Ya gotta either set your boundaries (you have the right I think), or find some creative way to settle your irks with this gal. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
luv2b3fun Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 There is nothing immature about your thoughts. But I do fault you for believing that she was actually cool with hanging out with you and your bf. She does want your boyfriend, and she is trying to get back into his radar. If I were you, I would address my concerns with my bf. Tell him that I am no longer comfortable with him hanging out with her because you do not trust her intentions. As his gf he should take your concerns seriously and put an end to the "ex". Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 It's times like this that I am SO glad that my own boyfriend does not go and hang out with females; just sees his guy friends either at soccer practice or playing poker with them once a week. I cannot relate to this post, but there could be a non offensive reason as to why she refused your request. She could just be jealous. You will never know, so just make sure you keep communicating with your boyfriend about any off feelings you may have. The main thing here is: you should feel like your boyfriend would EASILY pick you over her, if it came down to it. I disliked one of my boyfriends BEST friend, a female; they were best friends for 6 years. She hated me, and I thought she was an awful person; he picked me, even though he barley knew me. Just make sure you feel that your number one to him! Although hopefully it will never come to her doing something too evil and therefore making him have to choose:( Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 You could jokingly ask her how come she hasn't accepted your request and see from there. But indeed, it is bizarre to me why anyone would constantly tag along with their ex and their ex's gf. It's fine if they hang out because say they run in the same circle and will be at the same event, but seems weird that you him and her would go out. I've never been in such a situation or ever heard of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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