I need major advice on handling the most important important person in my life!!!!!!!

[KnightInShiningArmor]

Okay....here is everything...

 

I have been with a girl since she was 16...she will be 21 in March. I am currently 21. We kind of grew up together. I was her first love and vice-versa. We have only had sex with eachother. Going into 3 and half yrs in our relationship things started to happen. I had just transferred from a community college back home where we live. So at this point I am at Ball State and she is at IU. We are 2 hrs away. Last spring semester we started to agrue a lot. I was going thrugh a whole new setting and I think we both took eachother for granted. So we decided we were going to take a break. So we did, but we still talked online and on the phone. Then I wanted to get back but she didn't and said she needed more time. Summer came around and she said she still loved me and could see a future with me. Well we hooked up about 5 times over the summer, and she said she still needed more time because we argued last semester and she was scared that we would once we were back at school again. Also, she kind of wanted to not be together for awhile because she will be studying abroad in France for a semester...starting this January (for 5 months)...and thought it would be hard. Towards the end of the summer she had started dating her friend from IU. He is from Chicago. Her best friends at IU are friends with his friends and they hang out and party together. She said she now likes him and they have been dating for 2 weeks, and that they hang out a lot. She said that she doesn't know if she is making the right choice or not, and says that she thinks about me all the time. She said she needs time to figure out things for herself. So we havent talked in 2 weeks...the most we ever have not talked for almost 4 years.....it's hard but I hope it's the best thing to do. ..we did meet up 2 weeks ago to say goodbye in person...we reminicesd and kissed and cried. It's hard but I hope it's the best thing to do. I know she has good morals and won't do anything major with this guy unless she loves him. She really is a good girl and I guess I should be grateful for the great times we had together, and also that shes not hooking up with random people but instead someone that she is starting to have feelings for. This is very hard for me. All I think of is how he gets to see her and I don't. I am asking how I should handle all this. What should I do. I want her back sooo much and right now I am not even interested in meeting other girls. I am all about this girl.

Also I have AIM messenger and we both have eachother on our list. We both leave it on all day and we put away messages as to what we are doing. Is it still ok for me to write an away message?...cause I know she looks at it.

I only put like at work or at class, or just out. Also I just need advice on handling this whole situation! PLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[manofmystrey]

Hey bud.....

 

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but let it go. Its all you can do. I went through something like you. I dated a girl for 7 years and well it fell apart I am not going to get into and you can read it in my earlier posts.

 

She has told you she is seeing someone else and that hurts like nothing else. I understand that better then anyone, but she told she is with someone else. As you said u know she wont just hook up with anyone unless she feels for him.

 

If you try to talk to her and beg her back she will just get closer to him. You are young dude as is she. In time things may work out only time will tell that story in the mean time just let her go. Let her do her thing. You cant force her to be with u and she made her choice. What happens when she goes to France?

 

I mean its best u are able to detach ur self from the whole thing. she has started seeing someone else, you should as well. The odds of this working out in ur favour are slim to none. Sorry. It hurts but dude dont try to hold onto something u cant have. You had great times with her be thankful for that. You have many memories now its time to start to build new ones and start a new chapter in ur life a new adventure if u will.

[hurtingandconfused]

Listen to manofmystery. Unfortunately he has it down.

 

My advice is not to talk to her anymore and change your SN.

[dub03]

Dude,

You have to let this girl go, from what it sounds like she has already let you go. So it time to move on. I know its painful, but trust me, you'll find someone else... But I am kind of curious if you know this guys name... I just recently graduated from IU, and I am also from Chicago, I may very well know this guy, and may have some inside info .

[KnightInShiningArmor]

hey guys,

 

thanks for the advice...i am slowly moving on. however this is deja vu of her sister and now shes happily married to a guy who's postion i am in. also, i know a lot of other people who have gotten back with their ex in very similar positions as me. i am moving on but i won't count out the chance that she might someday come to me wanting me back...and i will have the chance to do what i want.

[ECVegas]

Ah, young love!

 

You are very young, Knight--as is she. All she knows is you. She is in a new college, new friends, and she wants to be able to experience new things without the guilt of feeling like she is cheating on someone. At least she is being honest with you.

 

But you are young to. I was in a crossroads situation when I was your age, and the other person said she wanted to see other people. I played it cool, and said "no problem". I hooked up that summer with about a half dozen girls. She hooked up with one...who she is now married to and has three kids with. Talking to her later down the road, she had no idea how I really felt.. because I never told her.

 

The one thing I learned from that is...if you feel a certain way about someone--let them know. If you love her, tell her. She may look at you diffferently if she really knows how you feel. She may realize that it's either love you or your going to leave her...and when she gets to college and realizes how much she misses you she may want you back.

 

Or, she may tell you that she isn't ready for what you want, and honestly you should accept that and move on. It sounds like you and her are in different places. You want to be with her, and she doesn't know what she wants. But one thing for certain, she may not want to be tied down in a relationship...with ANYBODY.

 

If she ends up wanting to experience life on her own, then I suggest you do the same. Your 20 my man. BELIEVE ME when I say there are plenty of beautiful, giving women. This won't be the first one you long to kiss or hold, and there may be a few on the way who feel the same about you but you don't "feel it".

 

Maybe down the road you two will see each other again and it will be different. Then BOTH of you will be ready. Let her experience college and life and give her freedom. Heck, you might find someone else and if she ever does want you back it may be too late for her.

 

Let her know, and if it doesn't work, move on

[KnightInShiningArmor]

Hey Vegas,

 

Thanks for the reply. She knows how I feel. I have really showed her. I had been pursuing her and calling her and that was not good. We were together for our first 2 years of college. I saw her at a party Friday night and she came up to me and talked to me. It was just a nice friendly talk. Before she left she shook my hand and kind of squeezed it and looked into my eyes. So whatever that was....Anyways I have continued not talking to her because she wants her time, and it really is the best way to go about this. Plus if I bother her, it might bring her closer to the guy she has started dating. I am very hurt but each day seems to get a little better. I have bought the movie Swingers and I watch everyday....it kind of helps.

 

Today I wrote reasons why I need to let her go:

 

-She's confused and says she needs time to figure out things for herself

 

-She has never been with anyone else except me

 

-Maybe she will figure things out when she's in France for 5 months starting this January

 

-this is a very simimlar situation that happened to her sister and her boyfriend, and now she's happily maried to the guy who's position I am in

 

-Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go in order to see if you two were meant to be together

 

-I am not enjoying life right now and I should because there is nothing I can do about this, except give her the time and space she wants.

 

-I have only control of half the relationship, I can't make her stay with me

 

-I am young and should be having a good time

 

 

Those are my reasons and I will use them to help me.

 

If anyone has any insights or advice to both of my posts, then PLEASE post it!!!!!

 

 

thanks,

Chris