A question for the Involuntarily Celibate virgins.

[USMCHokie]

/Facepalm

 

Have you really joined the camp of, "They still suck with women so they must not be trying hard enough"

 

Should I point out everything wrong with that belief?

 

Frankly, it's disgusting how little empathy there is on this board. People are quick to make fun of and insult others. But to try and understand what is going on, oh no!

 

Yes.

 

Try me.

 

Not insulting or making fun. I was there. Compare me now from when I was in college. I shudder at the thought. I know where you're at. I hadn't found LS yet, but boy was I angry and bitter at the world and jealous of everyone around me. I'm kinda glad I wasn't here during the peak of my dark years...I might have never gotten out since LS provides such a convenient avenue to do nothing but talk about these issues rather than act upon them.

[jma500]

these are the posters that insist on a 'healthy balance' which is code for be within the 'norms' created by society. insane.

 

They then believe themselves to be the arbiters of what a "healthy balance" and the " norms" are. Which is even more insane.

[hppr]

In the context of this thread, no, these guys are not involuntarily celibate. They had made the choice not to make themselves more desirable and/or put forth the effort to get what they desire.

 

Inaction is a choice.

 

Truth, sort of. Thing is when I was there...I didn't realize it was inaction on my part. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to, be yourself, enjoy life, and you'll meet a nice girl. The problem is that it's really a numbers game and (man or woman) you have to learn how to play it.

[El Brujo]

How does it feel?

 

I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Going out and having sex isn't going to make me rich or help me finish writing all my books.

 

To me, sex is like drugs... a lot of people who do it, do it just for the high. In the case of sex, an orgasm is the high.

 

But the thing that I get a kick out of is that with sex, the circumstances are oddly reversed--"nyah-nyah, I have the sex monkey on my back, and you don't".

[USMCHokie]

Truth, sort of. Thing is when I was there...I didn't realize it was inaction on my part. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to, be yourself, enjoy life, and you'll meet a nice girl. The problem is that it's really a numbers game and (man or woman) you have to learn how to play it.

 

And there's the myth that's perpetuated that you just need to live life, be happy, and women will flock to you...unfortunately, dating not only requires action of self improvement, but also action to date. Or put another way, both internal and external action.

[todreaminblue]

/Facepalm

 

Have you really joined the camp of, "They still suck with women so they must not be trying"

 

Should I point out everything wrong with that belief?

 

Frankly, it's disgusting how little empathy there is on this board. People are quick to make fun of and insult others. But to try and understand what is going on, oh no!

 

 

I actually think there is a lot of empathy for people who struggle on this board.....you can only understand what is going on from posters that are struggling and having problems and what they post....do you see a person who is struggling( with anything )as not being able to see clearly the answers themselves so it is often hard to understand how to provide help...you can only help the ones that want actual help and who work with you by not getting upset.....most people on this board from what i have seen over the years.....try to help....whether misdirected or challenged, or just plain ignored.....they still try.....deb

[jma500]

And there's the myth that's perpetuated that you just need to live life, be happy, and women will flock to you...unfortunately, dating not only requires action of self improvement, but also action to date. Or put another way, both internal and external action.

 

Some people have to do the work others don't. I had a friend who didn't have to do anything and women fell into his lap so to speak. A double standard to say the least.

[Bengal Tiger]

Anything worth having takes work. Be wary of things that come too easily.

 

The only beautiful woman that fell into my lap turned out to be a psychotic she-devil straight from my nightmares.

 

Any decent attractive woman worth ****ing is going to need some thought, charm, and effort to woo.

[USMCHokie]

Some people have to do the work others don't. I had a friend who didn't have to do anything and women fell into his lap so to speak. A double standard to say the least.

 

Sure, it's unfair. That's life. You'll have winners and losers. Not everyone gets a trophy at the end of the season.

[ThaWholigan]

Some people have to do the work others don't. I had a friend who didn't have to do anything and women fell into his lap so to speak. A double standard to say the least.

That's just how life is. There are things that are hard for me that everyone else finds easy. Trust me, despite what people here think of me, it was difficult for me to be good with women and be good socially. I can do it now, but it's still not particularly easy for me.

 

However, there are lots of things that I find easy that everybody else thinks is very hard. Thus, things even itself out. We all have our strengths.

[Bengal Tiger]

Some people have to do the work others don't. I had a friend who didn't have to do anything and women fell into his lap so to speak. A double standard to say the least.

 

 

That's what you think. Maybe you just didn't see the work, or it was a different kind of work like exercise/diet, grooming, clothes, social skills/charisma/etc. Those women were attracted to something before jumping into his lap.

 

I know a tall muscular black dude who gets approached by girls everywhere he goes but he spends a lot of time working on his appearance. Many hours more than me or any normal straight man would. Going to the barbershop and clothes shopping and gym with him is easily an all day event. Like Jersey Shore without the tanning.

 

[Bengal Tiger]

Sure, it's unfair. That's life. You'll have winners and losers. Not everyone gets a trophy at the end of the season.

 

It's also perception and attitude. Some people maintain the image of winning no matter how they feel inside. This radiates confidence which can attract real success and then continue forward in a positive feedback loop with regular maintenance.

[jma500]

That's what you think. Maybe you just didn't see the work, or it was a different kind of work like exercise/diet, grooming, clothes, social skills/charisma/etc. Those women were attracted to something before jumping into his lap.

 

I know a tall muscular black dude who gets approached by girls everywhere he goes but he spends a lot of time working on his appearance. Many hours more than me or any normal straight man would. Going to the barbershop and clothes shopping and gym with him is easily an all day event. Like Jersey Shore without the tanning.

 

I knew him for about 25 years and for most of it women would just come to him. He was very good looking. He worked out some. But that was the extent of it. The only his skills improved was because women threw themselves at him. When this would happen i would walk away. Please don't try to make a point by using jersey shore in anything.

[USMCHokie]

It's also perception and attitude. Some people maintain the image of winning no matter how they feel inside. This radiates confidence which can attract real success and then continue forward in a positive feedback loop with regular maintenance.

 

And unfortunately, we are living in an age where young folks are raised to believe that they are winners and are entitled to a trophy no matter what. They lose the ability to maintain that image of winning on their own.

[somedude81]

I actually think there is a lot of empathy for people who struggle on this board.....you can only understand what is going on from posters that are struggling and having problems and what they post....do you see a person who is struggling( with anything )as not being able to see clearly the answers themselves so it is often hard to understand how to provide help...you can only help the ones that want actual help and who work with you by not getting upset.....most people on this board from what i have seen over the years.....try to help....whether misdirected or challenged, or just plain ignored.....they still try.....deb

I completely understand not knowing how to help. That is fine. What I'm not OK with is being rude to somebody you know is struggling.

[Bengal Tiger]

I knew him for about 25 years and for most of it women would just come to him. He was very good looking. He worked out some. But that was the extent of it. The only his skills improved was because women threw themselves at him. When this would happen i would walk away. Please don't try to make a point by using jersey shore in anything.

 

In 25 years of observation, what did you learn? What were those women drawn to?

[Dragonfruit]

Yep, no doubt, a small group of guys are just blessed with being natural woman magnets.

 

Also, for you young guys, wow, do things ever change over time. The nerds who couldn't get a date to save their lives in high school get some polish and status with their smart-guy nerd jobs. A few years later, they are the ones who get to pick and choose. In fact, many young guys have a hard time with the ladies and it just changes with time, it just does. Confidence and status quite often improves greatly with age. And then some of the hot guys in their teens are losers a few years later. There are a lot of late bloomers out there. So maybe it's just not your turn yet but that doesn't mean your turn isn't coming.

 

You know that saying: We used to call them nerds, but now we just call them "Sir."

[jma500]

In 25 years of observation, what did you learn? What were those women drawn to?

 

I walked away refusing to observe. Why hang when you have become a third wheel. He had looks and i did not. Simple as that.

[somedude81]

Yep, no doubt, a small group of guys are just blessed with being natural woman magnets.

 

Also, for you young guys, wow, do things ever change over time. The nerds who couldn't get a date to save their lives in high school get some polish and status with their smart-guy nerd jobs. A few years later, they are the ones who get to pick and choose. In fact, many young guys have a hard time with the ladies and it just changes with time, it just does. Confidence and status quite often improves greatly with age. And then some of the hot guys in their teens are losers a few years later. There are a lot of late bloomers out there. So maybe it's just not your turn yet but that doesn't mean your turn isn't coming.

 

You know that saying: We used to call them nerds, but now we just call them "Sir."

I'm 31.

 

Still waiting till the time I can pick and chose.

 

Grated I don't have a job yet

[jma500]

Yep, no doubt, a small group of guys are just blessed with being natural woman magnets.

 

Also, for you young guys, wow, do things ever change over time. The nerds who couldn't get a date to save their lives in high school get some polish and status with their smart-guy nerd jobs. A few years later, they are the ones who get to pick and choose. In fact, many young guys have a hard time with the ladies and it just changes with time, it just does. Confidence and status quite often improves greatly with age. And then some of the hot guys in their teens are losers a few years later. There are a lot of late bloomers out there. So maybe it's just not your turn yet but that doesn't mean your turn isn't coming.

 

You know that saying: We used to call them nerds, but now we just call them "Sir."

 

True. After i ended the friendship mentioned above i was in my late twenties and began putting myself through college while working as a property manager. I began to notice women trying to get close to me at school and work. Unfortunately i believed a relationship was impossible for me so those women went away and on with their lives. I am now 44 and alone. My own fault. My punishment for wrong thinking.

[EAP]

Being a virgin (female) and being at a young age, it is a deal breaker for most men. I prefer dating older guys and none of them want to date the virgin because they're afraid of the commitment I suppose. It really sucks, but I guess I just have to wait for the right guy.

[jma500]

Being a virgin (female) and being at a young age, it is a deal breaker for most men. I prefer dating older guys and none of them want to date the virgin because they're afraid of the commitment I suppose. It really sucks, but I guess I just have to wait for the right guy.

 

Doesn't sound like it should be a problem let alone a deal breaker especially for an older guy. Any other details you would like to share?

[hppr]

Being a virgin (female) and being at a young age, it is a deal breaker for most men. I prefer dating older guys and none of them want to date the virgin because they're afraid of the commitment I suppose. It really sucks, but I guess I just have to wait for the right guy.

 

Most girls who are young are virgins, odds are you are 'normal' and whatever 'problem' you are having is due to some other issue, like the sorts of guys you are interested in.

[somedude81]

Being a virgin (female) and being at a young age, it is a deal breaker for most men. I prefer dating older guys and none of them want to date the virgin because they're afraid of the commitment I suppose. It really sucks, but I guess I just have to wait for the right guy.

What kind of guys have problems with a female virgin?

 

If a guy is a afraid of the commitment, then he only wants sex. Now is that somebody you want to be with?

[EAP]

What kind of guys have problems with a female virgin?

 

If a guy is a afraid of the commitment, then he only wants sex. Now is that somebody you want to be with?

 

I've had guys take me out on elaborate dates and never talk to me again even though we have quite a bit in common because I'm either A.) a virgin or B.) I won't give it up on the first date. I question if my standards are too high, but I think i'll just keep waiting for my own version of prince charming.