tough guy...NOT

[Fantasy]

Now that I've read everyone's feedback, including some offbase attacks on character and depth, I am willing to pay attention to my "issues" with perfection.

 

I'm also willing to continue exploring how images of perfection pop up when commitment is on the horizon. I never thought I was a guy afraid of commitment, infact, I'm very romatnic and merge or "fuse" fast with women. the beauty of quick fusion is it'sintense and fixating, but it always ends just as quickly.

 

I want to not only change ideas that I've learned from society, parents, etc., but I want to evolve! In spirit and heart. Whether it's fears, ego, or destiny, I think it is very important to question one's feelings and sort them out, ESPECIALLY when someone else's heart is on the line.

 

Honesty is the key to intimacy. I'm just being honest about some fears andmaybe some confusion. Atleast I'm listening. Right?

 

And after all everyone has said, after a very long, stressful day at work, tonight when she and I parted in my car, I kind of wanted a long soft "connection" kiss, but she was only able to do a quick peck and goodbye. That happens a lot. It did upset me, but I did not complain and contained myself. Aren't I allowed SOME dissapointment?

 

Fantasy

 

(stefan)

[Tony T]

1. "I'm very romatnic and merge or "fuse" fast with women. the beauty of quick fusion is it'sintense and fixating, but it always ends just as quickly."

 

Why don't you take your time a bit. True love takes time to build. Chemically induced infatuation, yes, happens pretty quick and is intense but it doesn't last because it's not real love. Great buildings take years to construct and last forever. Bad ones are built fast and fall quickly.

 

2. "Atleast I'm listening. Right?"

 

Yes, it certainly sounds that way. But it takes time to make changes that are so engrained in one's personality. Have patience with yourself and don't expect things to happen overnight. The longest journey begins with a single step (quoting annonymous).

 

3. "It did upset me, but I did not complain and contained myself. Aren't I allowed SOME dissapointment?"

 

Well, if you want, surely. Benjamin Franklin wrote, "Blessed is he who expects nothing for he will never be disappointed." So try not to set yourself up for it. Try not to chose that feeling if you can. If you don't get a long kiss, no big deal...there's always tomorrow.

 

You may have scared the pants off this gal if you have communicated your perfection stuff to her. It will take some time for her to get used to your new relaxed requirements, if that's what you're working on.

 

Relationships never work if you are constantly analyzing them. If your lady doesn't behave the way you feel she should, don't sweat it. Give up the idea of expecting people to react like you want them to and just accept them as they are. You'll be lots happier that way.

 

You're gonna be just fine!!! And, to be PERFECTLY honest, I think you are doing GREAT!!!

[Nic]

I think it's great for you that you've decided to work on this 'perfection' issue. after all, how much would you kick yourself if you spent the rest of your life searching for 'perfection' only to realise oneday when you're 70 years old that you once had that magical person in your grasps, only to have let her go because of irrational expectations. like i said, it's a really good thing you've decided to work on this. you're less likely to short-change yourself (and someone else) in the future, and that can only be for the best.

 

it's very noble of you to want to sort your feelings out, knowing that someone elses feelings are involved. it's unfortunate that there are people who only selfishly consider their own feelings and hurt others, unfairly, in the process. at least you're not one of those people.

 

i also agree with tony's comment about fusing quickly with women. he's spot on about it being a chemical fixation. real love lasts much longer, and is a lot more fulfilling than quick to burn, even quicker to fizzle relationships.

 

and try not to worry too much about getting a 'connection' kiss. if she senses you have issues that she feels might reflect on her, she might want to keep her distance. but the sooner you work on these issues, the sooner you can sit back and say, "i accept everything about you, you are a fantastic person", the sooner these 'connection' kisses will start to flow in abundance.

 

good luck to you. you're positive attitude will speak for itself in the long run, and hopefully for her too.

Now that I've read everyone's feedback, including some offbase attacks on character and depth, I am willing to pay attention to my "issues" with perfection. I'm also willing to continue exploring how images of perfection pop up when commitment is on the horizon. I never thought I was a guy afraid of commitment, infact, I'm very romatnic and merge or "fuse" fast with women. the beauty of quick fusion is it'sintense and fixating, but it always ends just as quickly. I want to not only change ideas that I've learned from society, parents, etc., but I want to evolve! In spirit and heart. Whether it's fears, ego, or destiny, I think it is very important to question one's feelings and sort them out, ESPECIALLY when someone else's heart is on the line. Honesty is the key to intimacy. I'm just being honest about some fears andmaybe some confusion. Atleast I'm listening. Right? And after all everyone has said, after a very long, stressful day at work, tonight when she and I parted in my car, I kind of wanted a long soft "connection" kiss, but she was only able to do a quick peck and goodbye. That happens a lot. It did upset me, but I did not complain and contained myself. Aren't I allowed SOME dissapointment? Fantasy (stefan)

[Rebecca]

Why not communicate this kiss issue with her?

 

As a girl, I would be flattered if my boyfriend wants to kiss me much more and much longer....

 

Communicating with her is better than expecting a mindreader.

 

anyway, just two cents. good luck.

And after all everyone has said, after a very long, stressful day at work, tonight when she and I parted in my car, I kind of wanted a long soft "connection" kiss, but she was only able to do a quick peck and goodbye. That happens a lot. It did upset me, but I did not complain and contained myself. Aren't I allowed SOME dissapointment?