jheart Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 hi i am 21 and have been married for 1 year (we're both in college now, same age) and we dated during junior and senior year. We don't have that much money so i rarely get to go home and my husband and i always have different schedules. we finally have some time off and want to visit my parents. i talked to them about it and they said that my husband and i had to sleep in different rooms! they think it's "inappropriate" to sleep in the same room... i was outraged at this and so we've decided to go to his parents' house. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I think you should respect your parents wishes in their house. Or you could get a motel room while you're there. You shouldn't let this keep you from visiting your parents though. It's only for while you're there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jheart Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 well the thing is they let my older sister (29) who is married sleep in the same room w/ her husband whenever they visit (more than i do) and i don't think that is fair at all. just because i'm the younger daughter... as i said, we are really low budget b/c i pay for my own tuition. so if we would rather now spend money on a motel. it is all right... his parents are all right with it. thanks for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Yuo are husband and wife and sharing a room is almost expected. I think they are being inconsiderate of your desires--or are they exerting some pressure because they do not approve. The motel is a solution for sure. But, it is also their home and they do set the rules. I know I could never shack up with a gf in my parents house and to be honest I felt very odd sleeping with my wife in the same bed in their house -- maybe it was just my upbringing. But times have changed! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 hey jheart i think that is so silly rules or no you two are married and should be as a couple in the bed together.. you hardly get to see him as it is .. i wouldn't stay at your parents anymore get a motel .. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 What possible reason can they give for you not sharing a bed? You're MARRIED! Even the Pope would approve you sleeping together, for goodness' sake! Could it be...they are so uptight they are worried about hearing you "going at it"? 'Cause I can't think of ANY other possible reason! If that is the case, they need to GROW UP! And you can bring a radio to play softly while you are "busy". Unbelievable! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 This is laughable. You're married for God's sakes. The need to get out of denial!!! Quickly! Link to post Share on other sites
Wellnowuknow Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Your mother said no and so respect our mother! Why are you married at 20 anyways??? Are you insane hes going to end up cheating on you by the time your 35 you know!! Just thought I'd let you in on that! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow Your mother said no and so respect our mother! Why are you married at 20 anyways??? Are you insane hes going to end up cheating on you by the time your 35 you know!! Just thought I'd let you in on that! Man. That's cruel! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 um....tell them that you won't sleep in the same room, if they don't Are you actually married to your "husband" or are you just living together, and calling him your husband. Did your parents give you a reason that it was inappropriate? P.S. to whomever said she should respect her parents' wishes, I ask why should she??? They aren't respecting her marriage? Her HUSBAND is her family now, and they should be allowed to sleep together if they want to. If she had two sons, and wanted to share a room with them, would you respect her parents forbidding it? She does not belong to them. I agree with you, jheart, don't visit your parents. If they won't let you sleep with YOUR HUSBAND, then they don't want you around very much. I live away from my parents, and if they said something like that to me, I'd be darned if I ever stayed the night at their house again. According to the bible, the man is supposed to leave his family and cling to his wife....which means your husband comes before your parents any day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jheart Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 yes we are married! lol for the person who asked that. on further "investigation" i asked my mom why and she said she was uncomfortable that the girl she had given birth to would be sleeping with another man in their own house and that i'm her "baby girl" and she didn't approve of me getting married in the first place. She's really overprotective and she doesn't want to picture me with another man in my bed, etc. which i don't understand... and my husband and i went to the same high school so she met him a few times and before she got to know him she just disapproved and it's just frustrating... and they keep saying it's "their house" and they're uncomfortable with the whole situation b/c i'm their daughter and etc. so that's basically it. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 This post made me laugh. But actually it's not laughable. Your parents(or maybe just your mother) are/is one: trying to meddle in your marriage, two: extremely uptight and in some serious denial. Don't let them interfere in your marriage. Your spouse should always come first before your family, he/she is your family now. Stay with his parents or get the motel room and let your parents know you won't be staying with them until you can stay in the same room together. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Sounds like your mom is having issues. HER Issues, not yours. She loves you and is having trouble letting go as well as seeing your as a married woman. So try putting it to her like this, Mom I love you and always will but I'm married now. Me sleeping next to my husband in the same bed should not bother you. I wish you understood how much it really upsets me when you try to control me. If we stay here we're sleeping in the same room, if you don't like that then I'm sorry we won't be staying here." Now, remember these are HER issues, not yours so let her digest this, react etc...It isn't about the fact that she dosen't want you guys in bed together or that you might actually have sex!! It's about her feeling like she's lost you and she's getting older. Be as nice as you can about it but if she starts yelling or acting up, tell her you no longer wish to discuss this subject until she is calmer and remove yourself from the situation, let alone the room! Hope this helps abit. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 [ i talked to them about it and they said that my husband and i had to sleep in different rooms! they think it's "inappropriate" to sleep in the same room... Do your parents sleep in separate rooms?? Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 How old was your sister when she got married? Did they let her and her husband sleep in the same bedroom when they visited back when they were newlyweds? I agree. I think your parents especially your mum is in denial about your marriage. Go stay with his parents. You say they are all right with it. Plus it will be cheaper for the both of you to stay there. Hope what Tiki said doesn't come true for you. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow Your mother said no and so respect our mother! Why are you married at 20 anyways??? Are you insane hes going to end up cheating on you by the time your 35 you know!! Just thought I'd let you in on that! What?????!!!!! Who in the world do you think you are???? Sorry if you've learned this from past experiences....but hey....I married at 19 and I've never cheated on my wife!! Even through my alcoholic binges, I never would be unfaithful. We're 37 and 38 now and don't plan on being with anyone else thank you! Just because some of us marry early, doesn't mean we'll wind up cheating on each other, Just thought I'd let YOU in on that!! To the original topic: I can understand where your mom is coming from. But she has to let go. You're not her baby anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
choke Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow Your mother said no and so respect our mother! Why are you married at 20 anyways??? Are you insane hes going to end up cheating on you by the time your 35 you know!! Just thought I'd let you in on that! I got married when I was 21, my wife turned 20 the day before our Wedding. We are celebrating our 9th anniversary this October and have both been faithful to each other the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Sounds like your Mama is still trying to have some control of you. I guess you have to decide how much this issue is worth dealing with. You can tell her that you are an adult and you feel that it is ridiculous that you can't sleep in the same bed with your husband but that you will respect her wishes since it is her home and stay with his parent's during the visit. I know she is your Mama and I was taught to respect our parents but there is a point that you have to take a stand as an adult, you don't have to be disrespectful but I think that she needs to realize that this position she's taken is wrong and that you won't stand for it. I imagine she'll back down after a while.... I remember coming back from my honeymoon and having to stay with my parents because our apartment had gotten flooded while we were gone. It was sooo weird, I had married young so I had this room with all these ruffles, stuffed animals and teenage girl stuff (we were 19 when we married) and plus I just had a double bed, it was interesting to bring my 6'7 husband into my room and bed....I FELT SO DANG WEIRD!! Again, it's not really that important but it could mean your standing up for your feelings and letting them realize you are an adult! Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Just about everything that everyone has said here is right on target. Don't stay at your mom's house, and either stay at your husband's house or stay at a hotel. Your parents are trying to meddle in your affairs and enact control over you, and stay at their house will give them the green light to try to meddle in other, more important parts of your marriage as well. Gotta put a stop to that nonsense immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jheart Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 thanks so much for all of your advice. right now we're staying at his parents' house. everything has worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Becky Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Your parents are being very unfair. It's as if they are trying to ruin your life if you ask me. This is your husband, not your boyfriend and they are acting as if you are being some sort of slut by sharing his bed. As if a man and wife sharing a bed is something to be ashamed of. I'd just try to avoid staying there, sounds like trouble and they don't deserve to have you under their roof. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinheart Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 do they sleep in seperate rooms???? some may disagree............but parents house or not you two are married and should share the same bed!!!!!it's not like u 2 have only known eachother a few weeks or months!!!well when and if they come visit you tell them seperate rooms...LOL Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 It's not so much the disrespect, but the lack of trust that botheres me. They do not trust you, your choice or your lifestyle. They do not trust your decisions and feel that they need to put rules in place just to be sure. That would hurt me terribly. Link to post Share on other sites
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