43 and so lonely!

[The Tallest One]

Even though I'm still in a lot of pain from break up three weeks ago, I am still very optimistic that I will eventually find "the one"! I was with my ex wife for twelve years (married 6.5) of those years. I started dating two years after she left me. I never thought I would meet someone like my ex gf and now that it's over, I realize that I need to work on me! I believe you attrack people who are on the same wavelength as we are. So if your not in a good place emotionally, you will most likely attrack similar people. Trust me, it has happened to me.

 

I really need to accept the idea that you need to love yourself before someone can love you. This is hard because I terribly miss being in a relationship. I miss being loved and needed. But I have to think of this as a lifelong investment. I want to be stronger emotionally and not make someone else my who life.

 

I think when we're depressed, and maybe bitter, which is understandable, it clouds our perspective. I also believe that you get in life what you put into it, so if you want to meet someone, you have to get out of the house and be visible and be around people, especially single people.

 

The idea of joining interest groups is also a good idea. I am also proof that there are decent guy's out there who are not afraid of commitment and are not looking for a "hook-up", but and actual relationship!

[ballycastle]

Yes, there are available partners out there. But it takes work to find them.

 

I was single from age 42 to 48. At times I worked to find a relationship and at times, I resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life.

 

I was online, talking to hundreds of potential dates, went on over 50 coffee meet-and-greets, and struggled with the solitude.

 

It was only after a long, arduous search that I found someone who was like me and able to commit. And neither of us thought we would ever find anyone again, so it is possible.

 

But you have to know your demographic and the type of person you want. Meaning: if you want someone physically active, go to Meetup.org that caters to hiking or biking, etc. If you want someone religious or spiritual, start going to church. If you want someone intellectual, start going to lectures. If you want someone artistic, start going to museums and art shows. If you want someone musical, learn an instrument or sing in a choir.

 

 

Hi, thanks so much for both of your posts. Yes, I guess I will work on my solitude and the age old adage of self love. I am doing it slowly, and even though in the years I was single (and there was plenty of those) I thought I was doing it. I am and always been independant.

 

I realise the last relationship did not meet my needs in the first few weeks, but I wanted it to so badly I prayed it would work out.

 

Thanks everyone, and you are shining examples of people that do want to commit to a relationship. Although it seems daunting to have to drink a sea of coffee to do so!