afteralltheseyears Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 I have been in a wreck about this for weeks. Hopefully, someone out there can give me some advice. I was married for 14 years, happily, until my ex-husband got in a car accident and sustained Tramatic Brain Injury. Over time, he did some very hurtful things and we had to divorce. Shortly after my divorce I met a great guy who would do anything for me. The only problem was I was not ready to committ to someone, I needed to get over the pain of my marriage. He pushed, and pushed until i gave in and agreed to committ to only him. But truly was never really ready to open my heart again. He loved me unconditionally, i could not allow myself to love back at that time. I had build concrete walls around my heart. He tried for seven years to love me and the more he pushed, the more it scared me and i couldn't give back all he gave to me. Well, he has been distant the last few months and we went our seperate ways. I found I was really missing him and fell that maybe I truly did love him but would not allow myself. Now that he is gone (and dating), I realize what I have lost. He says he is emotional shut down, still loves me (though things have changed), and misses me. But can't put himself back there. I have not told him face to face I am in love with him. Nor do I think it will change his mind to try again. I can tell he is angry with me. He use to call 5 time a days and now, well, very little contact. SHould i let him go or fight like he did for so long? Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. Every man or woman has a breaking point. You were lucky to have someone love you unconditionally for seven years. I don't know how long it actually took for you to finally commit. Maybe he should have been more patient. I found I was really missing him and fell that maybe I truly did love him but would not allow myself. If you still truly love him and miss him, then I think you owe it to yourself and him ( he had tried before) to make an attempt to fight as hard and as long as it takes to see if things can be rekindled for the two of you. Keep in contact with him, but give him his space, and be patient. You mentioned that he is angry with you and has shut down, and has perhaps built his own walls around his heart. I dont' know specifics of your relationship, but maybe he needs to be acknowledged, apprreciated, or respected (if he hasn't been) for the 7 years he has devoted to you unconditionally. Although it may be difficult, know when to quit. still loves me (though things have changed), and misses me. This doesn't seem to mean its truly over. Though things have changed...they may be able to change back. You have to nurture that love back to the way it was. The difficult part is "how". I've referenced some books, and have been told about some books available on amazon.com HOW TO GET YOU LOVER BACK BY BLASE HARRIS SMART LISTENING FOR COUPLES BY NANCY VAN PELT You may even find them at your local library. I don't know if you'd be interested in checking them out, but we need all the help we can get sometimes. Best wishes and take care. Link to post Share on other sites
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