Deniz00 Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I’m a man in my early thirties and I’m having a big problem in my life. I was dating a woman for 3 years. In the last year our relationships somehow became very tense, we were arguing often. Some time ago we had a very big argument, what caused us to not see each other for several weeks. Just when I thought everything is over between me and her, she suddenly came to me and told me she’s pregnant and the child is mine. I think she might be lying. We were intimate before our argument, but I found out that all those weeks when we didn’t speak each to other she spent with her ex-boyfriend. She’s swearing up and down that nothing happened between them and that she was just searching for a consolation after argument with me. I have to say, I don’t believe her. So I told her I want to have a DNA test to make things clear here. However, she doesn’t want me to. She got all furious and offended when I mentioned it. I think it’s a very important issue that needs to be solved. She won’t have to spend any of her money, I’ll pay for the test myself. I just want to know the truth. If she’s not lying to me, then what is the big problem? I’m ready to take on all the responsibility. Although I don’t love this woman anymore, I’ll stay with her and parent this child, if it’s mine, but I have to be sure. Of course, I’m not going to father a child that’s not mine, I think it’s only normal. She doesn’t even want to discuss it, she says she’ll never allow me to do it. I guess it means the child is not mine, I just can’t think of any other reason for her behavior. If I’m the father, why doesn’t she want me to be sure of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Don't sign the birth certificate. If she wants child support, she'll be forced to provide DNA proof of paternity. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 It could be the fact that she is offended at her insinuations, it could be that she is hormonal or it could be that she knows deep down that it might not be yours. The point is that you need to look out for your best interest and do what's right, get the DNA test. There is no way for her to prevent you from doing this. You can even get a DNA test based on her blood, because the baby's blood is in hers as well [though i think this is at 3+ months and it's not admissable in court]. If you don't do it, because of the length of your relationship ... you might be considered the father. From the point of view of the law [and her interests], a guy needs to be the legal father of this baby in order to pay for it. The law doesn't care about what's best for you, but what's best for the baby. So get a DNA testing done as soon as it's born and do not sign the birth certificate untill you know it's yours. Talk to a lawyer about this as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I agree, the logical answer is she knows it's not yours but wants to stick you with it. She can't refuse to let you get the DNA testing. I think you definitely want and need that DNA test. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 If she’s not lying to me, then what is the big problem? I’m ready to take on all the responsibility. Although I don’t love this woman anymore, I’ll stay with her and parent this child, if it’s mine, but I have to be sure. Of course, I’m not going to father a child that’s not mine, I think it’s only normal. She doesn’t even want to discuss it, she says she’ll never allow me to do it. I guess it Tell her this. That you will support her and be there for your child no matter what, if you are the father. BUT - You do not have to marry her or be her boyfriend just because you two are having a baby together. Be friends, have genuine respect for her as the mother of your child, be great co parents together but not as a couple. No way should you marry her since you don't love her. It'll end in divorce or one/both of you could cheat. her reaction is telling. If there is a slight possibility that the baby isn't yours, you have to know! For obvious reasons, but also for medical reasons! What if something happened and your dna didn't match up if there was cause for surgery or a transplant? These are very important issues to know. As well as you supporting your own kid. Of course if it isn't yours, you're not going to father an x's baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I second this advice: Don't sign the birth certificate and get a DNA test. If not, you could end up getting saddled with child support payments for the next 18 years, whether the kid is yours or not. Once you take responsibility for that child, it's legally YOURS....even if 3 years later it turns out that it's not biologically yours. So before you offer her a single bit of 'help,' get the DNA test. Go to court and legally get it if you have too. Lawyer up, buddy. This doesn't smell good to me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Whatever you do, do NOT live or stay with her until you get the DNA test. If you co-habitate with her when she has the baby, the law will declare it yoours after a certain time. I think she figured out that her ex is an ex for a reason, and cant be alone, or with him, so shes trying to work it out with you. If she hasnt changed the thing about her that caused you guys to break up, then she has no intention of trying to make your relationship work for real, she just wants to avoid bieng a single mom, and wants you to pay for it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I’m a man in my early thirties and I’m having a big problem in my life. I was dating a woman for 3 years. In the last year our relationships somehow became very tense, we were arguing often. Some time ago we had a very big argument, what caused us to not see each other for several weeks. Just when I thought everything is over between me and her, she suddenly came to me and told me she’s pregnant and the child is mine. I think she might be lying. We were intimate before our argument, but I found out that all those weeks when we didn’t speak each to other she spent with her ex-boyfriend. She’s swearing up and down that nothing happened between them and that she was just searching for a consolation after argument with me. I have to say, I don’t believe her. So I told her I want to have a DNA test to make things clear here. However, she doesn’t want me to. She got all furious and offended when I mentioned it. I think it’s a very important issue that needs to be solved. She won’t have to spend any of her money, I’ll pay for the test myself. I just want to know the truth. If she’s not lying to me, then what is the big problem? I’m ready to take on all the responsibility. Although I don’t love this woman anymore, I’ll stay with her and parent this child, if it’s mine, but I have to be sure. Of course, I’m not going to father a child that’s not mine, I think it’s only normal. She doesn’t even want to discuss it, she says she’ll never allow me to do it. I guess it means the child is not mine, I just can’t think of any other reason for her behavior. If I’m the father, why doesn’t she want me to be sure of it? This is clearly manipulation. Pay heed to Eddie Edirol's advice about living with her and the child, by law, being deemed yours. The laws in Texas are structured this way. She is afraid the child is not yours is why she doesn't want the DNA test. Do you really want to stay with someone who lied to you about sleeping with her ex while you and she were broken up? She is a manipulator, and a liar. Bad traits to have in a life partner. All the best to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 She strongly wishes the baby is yours. But she isn't sure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Just walk away. There is no presumption of paternity unless you are married at the time of conception. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 This all took place in march... wonder what's happened since......? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 This all took place in march... wonder what's happened since......? I find myself thinking that about several of the threads I read here, and not without some irrational sense of entitlement: "Hey, you posted here; tell us how the damn thing turned out. You owe us, pal!" And yeah, I'd like to hear how this turned out, though I have no reason to believe he'll ever be back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 This all took place in march... wonder what's happened since......? The guy probably signed the birth certificate like a putz and will spend the next 18 years paying for another man's child... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 I find myself thinking that about several of the threads I read here, and not without some irrational sense of entitlement: "Hey, you posted here; tell us how the damn thing turned out. You owe us, pal!" And yeah, I'd like to hear how this turned out, though I have no reason to believe he'll ever be back. Yes I'm sorry too when people abandon threads or stop posting on LS altogether Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Tell her this. That you will support her and be there for your child no matter what, if you are the father. BUT - You do not have to marry her or be her boyfriend just because you two are having a baby together. Be friends, have genuine respect for her as the mother of your child, be great co parents together but not as a couple. No way should you marry her since you don't love her. It'll end in divorce or one/both of you could cheat. her reaction is telling. If there is a slight possibility that the baby isn't yours, you have to know! For obvious reasons, but also for medical reasons! What if something happened and your dna didn't match up if there was cause for surgery or a transplant? These are very important issues to know. As well as you supporting your own kid. Of course if it isn't yours, you're not going to father an x's baby. I agree. Staying with her for the sake of the baby is one of the worst things you could do. Link to post Share on other sites
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