Chs Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 So i was at a party with my almost girlfriend, we've been going out for a while but first time ive been at a party and seen her drunk. So anyways i came late, just to say hi and she was sitting with a few of her girl friends and some guys. So i just go up and talk to her / kiss her etc. but these others guys start acting up, saying that earlier she had been kissing one of them too. I chose not to believe them, as my girl seems crazy about me and her girl friends are really nice to me and didn't seem like anything true was being said either. I kinda ignored them, except i told the guy to back off once and then he didn't really say anything further. Except when we left, he whispered something in her ear. Later on she told me he had whispered things like "i want to **** you" and other things... If i had known this at the time i would have punched him in the face for disrespecting me like that, but im extremely angry that she didn't even react to it. I feel like she should tell him off, and stand up for me in some way at least, but she didn't. I really like her, i think i even love her, but how do i deal with this except just being angry inside? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) So, she kissed another guy at the party before you got there. She's your "almost" girlfriend. Are you surprised that other guys might hit on her when she's receptive and non-committed? Did she even tell the other people she had an "almost" boyfriend coming to the party? Why would she be kissing some other dude while you were on your way there? Sounds like you might have a hoe for an "almost" girlfriend. The problem lies with her, not with the guy(s) at the party. ETA: How do you handle this? Stop pursuing her altogether. No calls, no nothing. Let her do the work of explaining this and reearning your trust. If you don't respect yourself, she won't either. And a woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. Don't be a doormat or you'll be humiliated and lose the girl at the same time. Edited March 9, 2013 by BetrayedH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 You've been going out for a while but she's your "almost" girlfriend? Meaning you're not officially together, so she can do whatever the heck she wants!! Just kidding. Dude you're talking about her standing up for you, and this kid disrespecting you, yet someone tells you they kissed and you blew it off..why didn't you stand up for yourself? Someone threw mud in your eye and you said know big deal I know better. Of course dude is going to further disrespect you, you didn't mark your territory, she's your almost girlfriend and she's kissing other dudes..most likely banging them when you're not around..because you're not her boyfriend..just yet. Clarify where you stand, then establish boundaries, dudes whispering sweet nothings into ears are a no no. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Your almost GF should be your real XGF. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Chs, Have you made your intentions to your female friend known? If not, I really don't see you have much recourse besides a slap to your ego. Little tip; women like to know where things are going. We like to be courted and Know we are being courted as a future relationship. So, until you are certain you are ready to invest your time and heart into this girl, she is still a free agent (so to speak). Good luck to you* Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) OP, I think you played it well. If you had charged back in there and punched the guy you would have looked weirdly jealous. Apparently the others at the party and the girl herself are not aware that you are the girl's boyfriend. It sounds more like you would like to have that status than that you actually have it. Now, I wonder why the girl told you what the guy said when apparently she kissed him (or someone else) there earlier. She didn't say anything to him herself and therefore is indicating that this type of behavior is welcome from other guys. This is not the sort of thing guys are likely whisper to girls without the girl's encouragement beforehand. I think she told you because she is either giving you a clear signal that she does NOT want to be your girlfriend, or because she enjoys the attention and status of making guys fight over her at parties. Girls who don't want other guys hitting on them carry themselves in such a way that other guys know who they're with and that they are not invited to approach. If you are put in the spot of "defender" instead, then yes, she's encouraging it and playing you. Don't let it pay off for her. Ignore it and ignore her until she learns you're not going to be played for a chump. Someone who cares about you has your back, she doesn't try to get you into fights or disrespect you in front of others. It may have been accidental, but you played it cool which was perfect, imo. Edited March 10, 2013 by Dragonfruit Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyInsomniac Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Chs, I feel for ya. This is not an easy situation to be in. I get the sense that you were hoping things would progress in an ideal way - that you and she would start to gradually put restrictions on your interactions with other people, and BAM! Realize that you guys are practically boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. For some people? It happens this way. It's always how it happens in the movies. For most people, though? Most people need communication and solid boundaries. You don't have to be mindreaders to have good relationships - that's what communication is for, and that's what's lacking here. Sure, it was tasteless to be fooling around with other people when you know someone you're interested is going out of their way to come meet you - but on the bright side, it's also brought attention to something you two are definitely not on the same page of. Talk to her. Approach her as best you can without being accusative - focus on "I" rather than "you". Let her know you were jealous, and that you're dating with the hope of something deeper - with her. If you leave things as is, it will disintegrate your boundaries, which have clearly been violated - and she won't have the tools (IE clear expectations) to fix it. That would be tragic all around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chs Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Well thing is, she hasn't been with anyone but me sexually, nor for as long as we've been seeing each other. I know we were casual in the beginning, but it's been months now and i felt we were getting more serious, in fact the very same night she told me she loved me for the first time. She also told the one guy that i was her boyfriend when we were leaving, but i just felt like she didn't do enough, like she enjoyed their attention a little more than i found fair considering the way i have been rejecting girls since meeting her. But within 12 hours after i made this thread she gave me the "we need to talk" so i don't have to worry about her anymore at least. But thanks for your long and well formulated answers, there was alot of good things being said (and some weird) and i can definetly use it should i get in this situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Sorry it didn't work out, Chs. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 So, that same night, she told you she loved you. And now she's broken up with you? Glad you're letting that fish swim away. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 For the sake all men, what did she say exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
21254246NYG Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 So i was at a party with my almost girlfriend, we've been going out for a while but first time ive been at a party and seen her drunk. So anyways i came late, just to say hi and she was sitting with a few of her girl friends and some guys. So i just go up and talk to her / kiss her etc. but these others guys start acting up, saying that earlier she had been kissing one of them too. I chose not to believe them, as my girl seems crazy about me and her girl friends are really nice to me and didn't seem like anything true was being said either. I kinda ignored them, except i told the guy to back off once and then he didn't really say anything further. Except when we left, he whispered something in her ear. Later on she told me he had whispered things like "i want to **** you" and other things... If i had known this at the time i would have punched him in the face for disrespecting me like that, but im extremely angry that she didn't even react to it. I feel like she should tell him off, and stand up for me in some way at least, but she didn't. I really like her, i think i even love her, but how do i deal with this except just being angry inside? Keep her in the friend zone Link to post Share on other sites
IAmRobot Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Please tell us what she wanted to talk about..... Bitches be crazy Link to post Share on other sites
JennaMax Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I think her reaction tells you everything you need to know about her. Anyone who enjoys getting drunk and losing their senses at a party, it's pretty much someone you'd want to stay with. She probably even kissed him and she wouldn't even know. She sounds trouble to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
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