LatsyrcSC Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Does anyone else have this problem with someone new. I've always had this problem. When I'm with someone new, it usually takes SEVERAL goes at it before I'm able to reach orgasm. Like tonight....I felt like I was more into it, because I'm starting to feel an emotion attachment to him, and I almost reached orgasm. However, the other times were impossible. He asked me tonight, "What's up with you..you never cum." It's not because of him. He's excellent in bed, it's just an emotional thing for me. Are there any other women who have this problem? I don't guess any guys have this problem, but I could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 We doooooooooooo. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Everyone has that problem. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 That is not always true. Not " everyone" though. For some.. may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 OK FINE! Everyone has that problem, for suitably large values of Everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 A guy who says "What's up with you?...." right after sex sounds like a real sensitive soul. Could this be the problem? Yeah I had this problem for six years (sorry, don't want to scare you). A guy I thought I was really in love with too. The problem? I was young and insecure. I couldn't let go. For many women, being emotionally comfortable is vital. OK, so you're sleeping with this guy but how comfortable do you feel with him? Sometimes we can be physically comfortable (floodlit sex no problem) and yet be emotionally holding back. Other times we feel really close to the guy emotionally but want the lights out because of thigh anxiety or other useless sh*t. Orgasms are notoriously elusive, particularly when they become the goal. If we're hiding part of ourselves, either emotionally or physically, reaching the peak of sexual experience an earth-shattering orgasm is, is practically impossible for some of us. It's unlikely to be a physical problem (although not impossible), maybe just your mind's way of telling you you're not allowing yourself to open up to this man completely. And since from your post he seems to be inferring that your orgasm (or lack of) is your fault and nothing to do with him, I'd question his level of commitment to you. Most decent guys are really concerned in making sure their partners have a great time in the sack. Women pick up on this and it makes us feel good about ourselves which in turn makes orgasm easier. And if he's making sure you're OK and you're making sure he's OK, that usually equalls great sex. Two people doing their own thing, albeit in the same time and place, usually equallys a pretty empty experience. I take it you've got no worries bringing yourself off? If that's the case you're probably either not ready to be intimate with this guy until the emotional bond is stronger, or subconsciously you're not convinced that he's someone you want to share something as special as an orgasm with. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LatsyrcSC Posted September 7, 2004 Author Share Posted September 7, 2004 Wow, thanks for the informative response Make a lot of sense actually. Glad to hear there's nothing wrong with me. I'm sure it's got a lot to do with the fact that I'm scared he's just looking for sex...verses something serious. I can't get him to commit to me. He keeps saying he doesn't want a serious relationship but wants to continue like we are. He says that doesn't mean he won't eventually want something serious. I guess I feel like he's using me. I hope I'm wrong. If he is...then...I guess I should enjoy the sex while it's conveniently there whenever I want it. Link to post Share on other sites
IcedTiger Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 I agree with most of you. I am not a minute-man. I take about 1 hour or more to make myself cum. I usually make my gf cum twice or more during sex. But trust me, when we first started as a booty call. She never came, maybe she did, just never told me perhaps? But for girls, I believe if she's attached and feeling more comfortable and have emotional feelings for the person, she will cum and hard~ I intend to lose my hardness when she says "i came" because I feel like my job is done, but I try to stay hard and keep going, and I do happen to cum everytime we have sex. She cums 99% of the time and more than once. I had sex with my girl more than 80 times within last month. and she says she's lil bit sore but she loves it....we sometimes just masturbate together and it's as good as having sex. making out during masterbation feels so good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LatsyrcSC Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 Damn..where have you been all my life lol... Actually I didn't have an orgasm this weekend either. I'm starting to feel bad, because he's asking me, "Am I just not hitting the right places? Do I not turn you on? Obviously I'm not good enough for you." etc etc..... he said he's never had another girl who's had a difficult time reaching orgasm. It makes me not want to have sex with him anymore. I absolutely dread having sex with him cause I know it's just going to be another disappointment. Mostly because I know he's thinking in the back of his head that I'm not going to cum or whatever. There's a lot of pressure there you know? Dawn Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 And feminists think God was a woman. Oh yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LatsyrcSC Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by Max Zoom And feminists think God was a woman. Oh yeah. I'm not feminists. Neither do I think God was a woman....but what the heck's that got to do with anything?????????????????????????????????? I'm torn....I'm taking today off work and he wants to get together with me. I know he's going to want to have sex. Which I don't want to do, cause as usually it's just a bunch of pressure. Gosh now I see why some woman just aren't into sex..especially once they get married. It's just a damn headache. I hope he doesn't even try to make out with me. I just need to end things with him. He makes me feel like **** because I can't reach orgasm. The ass hole. Maybe the problem lies in him instead of me. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 i have never once been able to reach orgasm, through oral, intercourse, or otherwise...except for masturbation until recently. my boyfreind was never able to reach orgasm through oral sex until recently. we have been together for a year and at first i would just have to help him out a little to make myself cum. i still have to, but now he can make me cum from oral sex and i can make him cum from oral sex. it's all about the emotonal aspects. its all about what you are really feeling. and its all about being completely comfortable. before i was with my bf i could never look a man in the eyes when i had sex with him. i never looked at them period because i always felt ashamed, nervous, precoccupied, and uninterested before. my bf now is the first/only guy that i could ever look at and allow myself to fully enjoy. for some people, especially women, sex just can't be casual. for me, i always tried to pretend i could handle it, and then realized i was just doing what the man wanted. i never really wanted to have sex with them because i didn't really "feel" like that about them. i didn't love them and i wasn't 100% into it so obviously i couldn't orgasm, i was just waiting for them to get the F*** off of me. you need a guy who, first of all isn't going to want to do you right away, and secondly, who is going to stop demanding things from you sexually and allow you to be comfortable, because otherwise it just causes self esteem issues and stress, among other things. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 God is God. Not female. Not male. Not black. Not white. Not human for goodness sake. Just God. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LatsyrcSC Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 Originally posted by loveregardless i have never once been able to reach orgasm, through oral, intercourse, or otherwise...except for masturbation until recently. my boyfreind was never able to reach orgasm through oral sex until recently. we have been together for a year and at first i would just have to help him out a little to make myself cum. i still have to, but now he can make me cum from oral sex and i can make him cum from oral sex. it's all about the emotonal aspects. its all about what you are really feeling. and its all about being completely comfortable. before i was with my bf i could never look a man in the eyes when i had sex with him. i never looked at them period because i always felt ashamed, nervous, precoccupied, and uninterested before. my bf now is the first/only guy that i could ever look at and allow myself to fully enjoy. for some people, especially women, sex just can't be casual. for me, i always tried to pretend i could handle it, and then realized i was just doing what the man wanted. i never really wanted to have sex with them because i didn't really "feel" like that about them. i didn't love them and i wasn't 100% into it so obviously i couldn't orgasm, i was just waiting for them to get the F*** off of me. you need a guy who, first of all isn't going to want to do you right away, and secondly, who is going to stop demanding things from you sexually and allow you to be comfortable, because otherwise it just causes self esteem issues and stress, among other things. Gosh this is like me completely. I can't look him in the eye, but he freaking STARES at me the whole time which freaks me out! And I too can't wait for him to get the **** off. He could go all night seriously. Me....I'm wore out..sore as hell, and just want him to get off and off me! We didn't have sex today thank God. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I always thought I was the only one in the world that felt this way. Funny how often that proves not to be the case. I would type more but my cat is very jealous of the keyboard right now so on that note, "don't let the man get you down". literally. cat says meow. Link to post Share on other sites
PrecariousEnigma Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 ive never had an orgasm.. and its starting to get to me, because.. when ive talked to my friends about it.. they all have had an orgasm and say that its great.. so why cant I? My boyfriend really wants me to.. and i really want to aswell .. He has no trouble orgasming.. I dont know if any of you will understand what i mean, but while we are having sex or oral sex, after a while ill get this build up.. like im going to orgasm.. then it ither goes away.. or gets way too much for me to handle.. its like i cant let go of it, im trying to hold it in, but all i want is for it to go. Its so weird, and i wana fix it, But i dont know how.. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by LatsyrcSC Gosh this is like me completely. I can't look him in the eye, but he freaking STARES at me the whole time which freaks me out! And I too can't wait for him to get the **** off. He could go all night seriously. Me....I'm wore out..sore as hell, and just want him to get off and off me! We didn't have sex today thank God. Sounds like true love. I think you should check out the "He's Just Not That Into You" thread. And when he says that all my other girlfriends came, remember that many women fake it just to please the man, or to get it over with. Link to post Share on other sites
brethree Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Yes! I have the same problem you have..isn't it weird? I hate that cuz then the guy thinks he's not satisfying you..but I just have to feel comfortable and emotionally secure..I'm glad I'm not the only one! Link to post Share on other sites
wvd Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 umm... i'm a guy and i have this problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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