Why do I attract the girls I don't want?

[Jedi]

Hi all.

I seem to attract the girls I don't like. This girl who always hangs around boys, loud, and totally not my type. ( I like quiet, respectable girls who keep themselves to themselves)

The loud girl always complements my facial hair, and when I walk past her she says "he's so cute!!" to her mate.

I don't want to be rude, but when she tries to talk to me I don't want people to think I'm associated with her.

How do I avoid her in college, and stay away without being rude?

[tbf]

A quiet girl isn't going to hit on you. You're going to need to hit on her first.

 

Why not have friend zone "talk" with the loud girl, explaining how you don't perceive her in a romantic light?

[hppr]

Unattractive women generally don't get hit on by many guys (if at all) so they become very loud and assertive in order to get attention. She's got you pegged as a guy she can bully into dating her. If you are a jerk to her she'll just start a rumor mill about you and you'll have to deal with that, if you are nice to her she'll just get worse.

 

Also, are you a skinny/quiet guy and is this girl of the bigger variety?

 

TBH I wouldn't worry about it, sometimes the best thing to do is *nothing*. Go out and find your nice quiet girl and don't worry about the loudmouth IMHO.

 

edit: also you don't need to 'avoid' anyone, WTF is that? Who cares what this chick thinks about you, or if she's flirting with you, take it as a compliment, play it off who cares. When I was in college and started doing weights there was this gay guy who wanted to take me out to dinner etc, if I was able to live that down you can live down a loud obnoxious broad.

Edited March 9, 2013 by hppr

[Keenly]

I'm in the same boat you are with the attracting girls I don't want.

 

The reason I came up with is because we are completely ourselves around those girls. We are not pretending, we are not changing our behavior, we are just us.

[Jedi]

Unattractive women generally don't get hit on by many guys (if at all) so they become very loud and assertive in order to get attention. She's got you pegged as a guy she can bully into dating her. If you are a jerk to her she'll just start a rumor mill about you and you'll have to deal with that, if you are nice to her she'll just get worse.

 

Also, are you a skinny/quiet guy and is this girl of the bigger variety?

 

TBH I wouldn't worry about it, sometimes the best thing to do is *nothing*. Go out and find your nice quiet girl and don't worry about the loudmouth IMHO.

How do you know me? Lol. Yes, I'm the skinny quiet guy who would rather play video games than go out partying with friends, and she's the big type, and she has a twin sister who is even bigger ( sorry if I sound rude lol)

Theirs always that one scary girl who has a crush on you LOL. I'll just do nothing.

[somedude81]

Let me guess she's unattractive and or obese?

 

Yeah, those kind of girls know that guys don't pursue them, so they have to be the aggressors.

 

You're better off barely talking to them and focusing on the girls you do like.

[Jedi]

Unattractive women generally don't get hit on by many guys (if at all) so they become very loud and assertive in order to get attention. She's got you pegged as a guy she can bully into dating her. If you are a jerk to her she'll just start a rumor mill about you and you'll have to deal with that, if you are nice to her she'll just get worse.

 

Also, are you a skinny/quiet guy and is this girl of the bigger variety?

 

TBH I wouldn't worry about it, sometimes the best thing to do is *nothing*. Go out and find your nice quiet girl and don't worry about the loudmouth IMHO.

 

edit: also you don't need to 'avoid' anyone, WTF is that? Who cares what this chick thinks about you, or if she's flirting with you, take it as a compliment, play it off who cares. When I was in college and started doing weights there was this gay guy who wanted to take me out to dinner etc, if I was able to live that down you can live down a loud obnoxious broad.

After reading your edit, it doesn't seem so bad now lol.

[hppr]

I had the same problem when I was younger and going to the gym, gaining some weight made the pig parade leave me alone.

 

As for the gay guy he was okay until he tried to give me a back rub in the middle of an english class, that was a bit much.

[lover4721]

I am the same way as a lot of other people, as well as this guy below.

 

I attract girls I do not really find 'attractive' physically or emotionally. It seems as like I don't care if those girls stop replying and I am myself with them. I don't show interest in them.

 

However, someone I like, I always smiley and laugh and they really never tell me how much they like me. The girls I don't like, totally love me. It's odd...

 

I think because we are not interested to those we don't like, and that makes them like us even more. I have SO many people who liked me that wanted to meet and all, and still have a few, including ex's. Only a few girls I do like, wanted to hang with me and talk on the phone, etc.

 

And I believe Keenly is right... We are ourselves and we aren't too nice and we sometimes make ourselves uninterested and that becomes attractive to woman. Woman like adventure and getting someone that is uninterested is adventure, almost like gambling. We aren't pretending to be really nice, or constantly initiating contact.

 

I learned that when we initiate contact after the first hello, woman will look the other way. So this one girl messaged me and said hi, and was interested until I stopped replying because I was busy. I said hello, and she wasn't interested. I liked her...

 

But those we don't like, always message us first, and then we message them and they are still interested. I learned we kinda need to become distant so the girl knows we aren't clingy and we can go on ourselves. When they say hello for the second time, then it means to initiate contact the next few times. I am not endorsing playing hard to get, but simply letting go of feelings so they can come back naturally and then hold on to that person.

 

When we talk to someone we don't really like, we push them away and then it attracts them. I learned this in Psychology, Intro to Neuroscience, and a TED talk I listened to - so I believe it is correct. Most woman on here might say "We don't like men who play games" and I am refraining myself from sounding like I am endorsing 'hard to get' games. I am not, I am simply stating that a woman like a man with confidence and the ability to move on and be separate from the partner.

 

So Keenly, you are correct. I've thought about this for a very long time. Sometimes, I'd act dumb and say "Sup" to this girl I don't like... Then she happens to like me. But when I meet someone I really like, I say "Hey how are you?" and that somehow pushes them away.

 

I can support this theory to because it happened with someone I didn't fully like, but did a bit. I was outgoing and laughed a lot, joked around, and then became the best person I have actually ever met. Literally.

 

So I think you need to somehow wait for the right woman and talk to her, but don't seem needy by always initiating conversation. A friend told me "and don't force conversation. If there isn't anything to be said, don't say anything." That night, I tried it... I did what she had told me. This girl said something and I didn't have anything to reply with, and then minutes after, she replied what's up.

 

So that was kinda the second conversation initiation we had - the first was the hello. So now she messages me regularly and I believe likes me...

 

So now if that was me replying to her message that didn't require a reply, I probably would have threw her off. In a nutshell, the girl says hello, and we talk. We are done talking for today. We talk tomorrow, but I have found out that when US guys say hello, they don't enjoy who I am. I believe because we seem a bit needy for conversation. A friend also told me this. She said "You seem needy to talk to someone."

However, when the woman says "Hello", they always happen to get along with me and crush on me.

 

So we always want to talk to the girls we like and I think we become needy and that throws them off. The girls we don't like, we ignore and that makes us look uninterested. They say hello first, and then always happens to like me. That is what I have found out.

 

I want to be myself around someone I like and appear to be 'uninterested' so that they like me, however, I am not the guy to play hard to get. Most woman HATE guys who play games and that isn't me. So I am always talkative and nice. The girls I don't like, I am outgoing, crazy, funny, joking, etc,. and I don't care what they think of me. I am nice to girls I like because I want them to like who I am, and that is also what I think throws them off.

 

Like I want girls to know I am respectful, loving, happy, etc. So I am those values when someone I like. But when someone I don't care if they like me or not, I am outgoing, respectful, laughing, joking, not caring, etc. I think being uninterested in someone, attracts them because it is like a puzzle. I also heard a friend say "We like bad guys because we want to solve them and correct their ways."

 

They like adventure, and when we are loving to someone, they become bored. However, when we let go and remain uninterested, they like it.

 

Observe us males as well. We don't like those girls who are always lovey to us. We REALLY like those who enjoy doing their thing, letting go of people, and that attracts us. I know for me it does.

 

This girl is at a college touring for her Associates Degree completion. I gained ALL my attraction back for her because she is not needy and play's uninterested to us guys. When someone is interested in us, we like them too at times. But when they go taken and have a boyfriend, OH then the regret starts filling up our minds.

 

I can prove this as well... Also, a quote I saw on FB proves it as well.

 

"Once they see you doing better without them that's when they want you back."

 

There was also this girl, attractive, and outgoing. She was a smoker and I don't like that... She is not my type. So I let go a little bit and didn't care really what she thought of me. Happened to be she really liked me. It was because I wasn't too interested. She has a kid. Talks to the father. Her ex takes care of her kid, which is odd... She doesn't have a job (doesn't matter), doesn't go to college (eh - education isn't the best so that doesn't matter), and lives with her parents and her mom does everything. So I liked her, but those things were odd to really think about. So I let her go and she started to like me...

 

So she still likes me, I can tell... But she put up a status about having a really great time yesterday, which basically had me thinking and kinda brought back feelings I had for her. She really doesn't look for guys like me. She is pierced, tattooed, and smoker. I am none of that. I am quiet, calm, relaxed, etc.

 

So this is the end of my post.

 

 

So hopefully you can kinda see what I am talking about how this kinda works, in a Psychology and Behavioral Neuroscience background. I think we like someone so much, we just want to talk to them and they never have time to miss us. Those we don't like, we don't care if we ever talk again, and that attracts them.

Above, I have research and advice by my female friends that supports my evidence and the theories I posted. There are animal studies as well.

 

Also, don't think I am saying to use the no-contact method. I am not the man to play games and I can say that truthfully. I am saying, let go and don't be needy, and don't want to always talk and then you will be attracting people that you like! When a girl wants to talk, always talk to her because you never know really where things would go and that's important. You don't want to play the ignore game because anyone can change your life, or teach you a very important lesson.

 

Just don't be needy. That is how we attract people we don't like, because we don't care if they talk to us or not...

 

Also, someone else told me that to be yourself, because girls are smart based on looks how we act... Girls don't like people who aren't themselves and that is what she said.

 

Hope it helps!

 

It is nice to know there are a lot more people in your same boat.

 

I'm in the same boat you are with the attracting girls I don't want.

The reason I came up with is because we are completely ourselves around those girls. We are not pretending, we are not changing our behavior, we are just us.

Edited March 10, 2013 by lover4721

[Jedi]

Great post Lover! I agree.

[spiderowl]

It's probably nothing to do with who you attract so much as who dares to show their attraction to you. The 'loud' girls are outgoing, daring and cheeky. The type of girl you'd like to meet is highly unlikely to be approaching you and chatting you up. As you say, she will 'keep herself to herself'.

 

You would need to work harder to meet the kind of girl you are attracted to. You'll need to make contact with her, get to know her and make some effort because she's quite likely to be shy or not very chatty. You need to make positive moves yourself towards the kind of girls you like, not just wait for the stronger ones to approach you.

 

Oh, and as regards the 'loud' girl you are keen to avoid - firstly avoid her when you can, but regardless treat her with the greatest respect. Remember, the girls you like will be watching how you treat women.

Edited March 10, 2013 by spiderowl

[Els]

How many quiet girls have you approached in the past year?

 

Obviously if you don't enjoy women hitting on you, then you're going to have to hit on women to get the kind of girls you do like.

[somedude81]

It's annoying how everybody is referring to her as a loud girl, when she's actually loud because she's "big."

[Els]

We are referring to the girl as loud because the OP said she was loud. If her behaviour would have been acceptable had it come from a skinny girl, my answer to him would have been, "Eh, sucks to be you."

[somedude81]

We are referring to the girl as loud because the OP said she was loud. If her behaviour would have been acceptable had it come from a skinny girl, my answer to him would have been, "Eh, sucks to be you."

 

How do you know me? Lol. Yes, I'm the skinny quiet guy who would rather play video games than go out partying with friends, and she's the big type, and she has a twin sister who is even bigger ( sorry if I sound rude lol)

Theirs always that one scary girl who has a crush on you LOL. I'll just do nothing.

Is that better?

 

BTW, as soon as I read the topic title I knew that he was talking about a "big" girl.

 

In the vast majority of cases, normal girls are not aggressive with guys.

[Els]

Is that better?

 

BTW, as soon as I read the topic title I knew that he was talking about a "big" girl.

 

In the vast majority of cases, normal girls are not aggressive with guys.

 

Someone can be loud AND big; the OP clearly stated "This girl who always hangs around boys, loud, and totally not my type". Just because she's big doesn't mean he's not entitled to dislike her behaviour either.

 

Of course it could be a cop-out, but I'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt first.

[hppr]

BTW, as soon as I read the topic title I knew that he was talking about a "big" girl.

 

Yeah and it wasn't hard to guess that he's skinny and nerdy.

 

Also I love how people get angry when the chick is referred to as 'fat' but calling the guy a skinny nerd is perfectly acceptable

 

OP, if you're still reading this, take my advice. Self improvement, work out a bit, adopt a weight-gaining diet, buy some new clothes/cologne/haircut and then start being more assertive with the girls you like. I think you'll find out you're a lot more attractive than you give yourself credit for.

[somedude81]

Someone can be loud AND big; the OP clearly stated "This girl who always hangs around boys, loud, and totally not my type".

I think you mean "Someone can be loud AND thin"

Just because she's big doesn't mean he's not entitled to dislike her behaviour either.

 

Of course it could be a cop-out, but I'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt first.

"Just because she's big doesn't mean he's not entitled to dislike her behaviour either."

 

What is that supposed to mean?

 

BTW, I didn't know that you spoke the King's English

[Els]

I think you mean "Someone can be loud AND thin"

 

Well, yeah! Works both ways.

 

"Just because she's big doesn't mean he's not entitled to dislike her behaviour either."

 

What is that supposed to mean?

 

Means that he's entitled to describe a girl as 'loud' (which you said annoyed you) regardless of her size.

 

BTW, I didn't know that you spoke the King's English

 

Most places outside the USA do, y'know!

 

I'm in the very unfortunate position of being stuck in the middle because stupid spell-check keeps correcting my English and I end up giving in to it sometimes and saying, "Fine! COLOR! You win!!"

[Jedi]

It's probably nothing to do with who you attract so much as who dares to show their attraction to you. The 'loud' girls are outgoing, daring and cheeky. The type of girl you'd like to meet is highly unlikely to be approaching you and chatting you up. As you say, she will 'keep herself to herself'.

 

You would need to work harder to meet the kind of girl you are attracted to. You'll need to make contact with her, get to know her and make some effort because she's quite likely to be shy or not very chatty. You need to make positive moves yourself towards the kind of girls you like, not just wait for the stronger ones to approach you.

 

Oh, and as regards the 'loud' girl you are keen to avoid - firstly avoid her when you can, but regardless treat her with the greatest respect. Remember, the girls you like will be watching how you treat women.

 

You're 100% right. Thank you for the advice

[Jedi]

Is loud another word for fat?

Because when I say loud, I mean shouting at other boys, and screaming, and not having respect for others or herself.

[somedude81]

Is loud another word for fat?

Because when I say loud, I mean shouting at other boys, and screaming, and not having respect for others or herself.

No.

 

Though tell me this. Is she fat?

[hppr]

Is loud another word for fat?

Because when I say loud, I mean shouting at other boys, and screaming, and not having respect for others or herself.

 

Loud isn't another meaning for fat.

 

However when you posted this thread I knew right away you were a shy, nerdy type and she was the annoying, morbidly obese loudmouth type. Every guy has been there at least once, it's part of the human experience.

 

Like I said earlier you just need to gain a bit of weight/get some sense of style and start showing interest in the girls that you are interested in.

 

Now, everyone attracts people they aren't into...that's life...it's how you deal with it that counts.

[hppr]

No.

 

Though tell me this. Is she fat?

 

He already said she is...

 

Basically, she's the fat chick NO GUY wants to be caught dead with and he's the shy skinny nerd that NO GIRL is going to openly show interest in...

 

The OP needs to be a bit more assertive, probably work on his looks a little bit, that's all.

 

Push-ups/sit-ups every morning and night until you're too tired + eat an extra meal every day, maybe take a weight training/fitness class/club thing on campus

 

Nice button up shirts/jeans that fit properly (you can get this at secondhand stores/thrift shops, online if you know your sizes) learn how to iron at least some of them (there's a military trick to straightening them w/o an iron, you use your desk)

 

Shower twice a day, pimple meds if needed.

 

Start wearing a decent young-guy 'fresh' smelling cologne (Bulgari Aqua, Davidov Cool Water, Chrome Azzaro, 2 sprays/4-5sprays if you're the naturally stanky type)

 

Learn how to smile, talk to girls, etc. Do you have a job? If not get a job that has you dealing with lots of people every day, something retail. A job that forces you to talk to girls and guys, it'll help with shyness and you'll get $$$$ to spend on stuff.

 

There's lots more I can type if you want, I've been there, but basically it will be a trial/error for things like clothing type, cologne type etc. You will discover what works and what doesn't by how people react to you.

[Jedi]

I am too shy and I don't have a lot of confidence. Nothing to do with my look.

I walk past one girl ( she didn't look too bad) and she said "You're FIT!"

And I casually said "Oh, thanks" on my way out. I have vegan body shower products, I always have deodorant. I surprisingly have NO acne for a teen. The reason I don't have a girl my type is because I don't have the guts to talk to my types.