Geez, Here we Go Again:and yes, no contact does work

[Whatisthis]

I am going to try and make this story really short. I meet this wonderful guy and started dating him seriouisly for the last six months.He told me he loved me and everything was going well. I mean we had no arguments, discussed concerns and things were lovely. In July Mr. Wonderful introduced me to his family one day, and then just stopped calling me for an entire week. So of course I thought for some crazy reason his family did not like me. So, I called, I wrote, I text messaged..and finally he wrote an email saying that he was sorry but because of reasons beyond his control he would have to go back to his country and would not be back until January. He did not know how to tell me.

 

Then he closed the message by saying, please dont wait around for me, date others and take care. I was so heart broken, I cried for four days straight. I contacted him and begged him to work things out with me. I just did not understand why he would want to break up if he was going to be back in January. I even told him to date others while away and if we wanted to we could try again when he got back. So everything worked out. He told me he loved me and wanted to work things out and "fight for us."

 

Well, fast forward to August. He was to see me before he went away to his country. Even asked if i was going to be around to see him before he left. One week before he was to leave he just stopped contacting me. at first I text messaged him to ask him what was going on, then I just gave up. I had had enough. I did things diffrently this time. I did the NO CONTACT thing.

 

Well, it's exactly two weeks and he just sent me an email asking me how I was. I was like "He's gotta be kidding me!"

 

I wrote back, "I am well. Hope things are well where you are. Best of luck." and that's it.

 

Could some one tell me A) What does he think he is going to get from me by sending an email now and B)Why did he even bother. Could someone please humor me with an answer for this one. Oh my...

[overseas2004]

What makes you think it works. He only asked you how you are. Isn't that a bit of a leap? Beware of setting yourself up for a fall.

 

As to why? People who dont know what they want in life often go back and forth all the time, like your dear guy here.

 

Regards,

[shellen]

yup...true...like my ex...after being in a relationship with another ger for one year he still contacts me even after i told him not to contact me anymore...i know what i want, a relationship with him, but he swinging back and forth had caused me to swing back and forth along with him too.

 

another reason cld be he is feeling bad...so just drop u an email find out how you are...

[shellen]

i think we can all agree now that no contact only works in getting ur exes to contact u...that's all..nothing more..

well if it's a frienship u are pursuing then it is probably a gd start...

but it most certainly does not signify a step closer to reconcilation...

sad but true...

[Whatisthis]

Thank you all for your responses.

 

When I said no contact works, that is what I meant...they come back. I never belived that it gaureented a relationship would come of this. Although I have had friends who had this happen and are now happily married years later. I am not looking for another chance with my ex. I have already started dating other people and am happy with my life as it is right now. My question, and what I often ponder, was why do men even bother? If it was not what they wanted, fine, then stay away...but to drop an e-mail out of the clear blue sky?

[lost_in_chgo]

Well out of the blue isn't maybe out of the blue from his perspective.

I sent my previous ex an email before dating my ex.

I wanted to see if there was anything there before I started up with someone else.

Why, because I still cared about her and if she was willing to try I was too.

Same goes for my ex now.

These things are never really over.

[lovefool15]

lost_in_chgo

 

Do you really believe that things are never really over between ex's? Its just an interesting point that you made which made me think. Of course there is always going to be a bond between the 2 ppl that were together but do you think that the connection can never be broken even after years apart. Surely at some stage it is time to let them go. Im not sure what I think but as I said your posting really made me think.

[lost_in_chgo]

There's always something there, love hate etc..

 

You know that kid that you went to grade school with that was really irritating?

If you remember that kid how are you going to forget someone you spend a year or more with?

 

I have several exes collected over the years.

My ex wife of 15 or so years is one. I never want to see her again, but she's still looking for forgiveness I'll bet. Nothing would ever make me go back to her or even give her a kind word. That's a choice.

 

There's the ex before my last, who I was with for seven years of casual dating. Her I don't forget and she'd get another chance any time she wants one (if I wasn't involved and she wasn't). And that's a choice.

 

And my last ex, who is too much of a coward to face her feelings or me. Too naive to know her own mind and too immature to do anything about it. But she still has my heart. That's not a choice, but it may be some day.

 

Then there's the new girl at work. Who may end up being something or nothing. That's a choice. Probably hers, but nevertheless.

 

And there's my first love, who has a relative who works where I do (though I am the only one who knows it.) She's a memory I'll never forget.

 

I personally think that old relationships are the best. You have perspective and history. There's nothing like a love that traces itself back to your childhood. I'll not likely ever know that kind of love, but my brother and his wife went to grade school together and met again when he was in college and have been together since then. There's something about that kind of history that makes people closer.

 

So yeah, I don't think these things ever really end unless you force them to. But you don't have to sit around waiting and hoping. Get out there and live.

 

You can sit her saying if they come back it was meant to be. If they don't it wasn't. That's crap. That's 20/20 hindsight.

 

It's all about choices, sometimes you have one, sometimes you don't. What to do when you don't is a choice too. But eventually in some way or another you come across that person again, in person, by rumor or news, accidently, deliberately, doesn't matter. It's a small world and six degrees of separation aren't that many after all.

[lovefool15]

Thanks for expanding on that lost_in_chgo.

 

I def agree that it is based on choices and that a person is never truly erased from our hearts.

I hope that you find your special someone soon, as you seem to be a thoughtful and compassionate person.

[shellen]

well after my ex din stop contact when i told him not to contact me anymore because im not interested in a friendship...i finally asked wat was it dat he wanted and asked him to give me a clear ans by a certain time.and if he did wannt to give an answer im gonna walk away all the same.when the time came he did not answer and just msg me good night and i din press for an answer.i was going to walk away like i said and like what i had wanted to do initially.and the next morning he msg good morning again.then later in the night he msg me saying that one of these days he is going to bring me to meet his mum. now that really surprised me and I dunno what does he mean by that. During the time we dated, I never met his family coz we were a inter racial and inter religious relationship and such things are never easy. he has never brought any of his previous gfs (tho same religion) including the current one (or so he claimed) to meet his family. I really dunno what he is up to. he could be just saying somethings to make me respond to him like he did other times, just that this time what he said is a bit more serious..

but well still not clear and direct enough i suppose...

[Whatisthis]

Shellen, you are right, interracial relationships are not easy. Mine was interracial too. I did have a chance to meet his mom (he was the one who pushed for this) and he was to meet my mom before he went back to Germany but needless to say this never happened. I wish i had the answer for you. It is hard when you are given more mixed signals than a broken traffic light!