sayit Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Any advice would be dearly welcomed... 11 year relationship been together since 19 yrs...lived together 9yrs grew together..always knew SO not happy with job/career etc..SO has been in placement abroad for 6 months out of 7 months, both desperately sad when first separated...plans to meet alternative weekends etc. but money and time not permit but still maintained daily telephone contact and face to face on average every 3.5 weeks for extended period of time. SO said he put barriers up to stop the hurt of not being with me...barrier became his shell not helpful at all for relationship. SO now questioning whether his plans for career directly clash with our relationship to extend that we cannot go on. Both of us agree we love each other and want to be with each other, I feel like I am saying I will do all I can to ensure his career etc takes off with our relationship in tact..he keeps repeating there is a clash but loves me etc. His career prospect is not obvious just wants to stay abroad for a little longer to improve his languages more...just get "a job" whilst there. He is a language garduate..He is willing it seems to sacrifice our relationship for 1 yr abroad..although I said I am willing to live with him for 6 months /1 yr he says it wont work. He's not even having that great a time...just getting thro it. He keeps changing his mind as to what he is going to do, alleges all plans include me ..then changes plan. I feel like he is not being honest with himself or me....my trust in our relationship is ebbing. I ask him if he is waiting for me to finish it he says he is not...wld be very painful if we broke up and he wants to be with me just working how to do it all...! The balance in our relationship was always balanced now feels like it is squarely with him ..he admits that to. Have tried to pull the balance previously when were face to face I say to him it's over unless he commits to us and he tells me he cannot live without me when he see's me he knows he cannot go on without me... Im at a loss.....how long do I wait..his placement ends in 7 week altogether but scared when he gets home nothing will improve and it will end horribly after such a great relationship. Everytime we talk on the phone it goes around and around... Any words of advice really appreciated..im watching my life as I know it break apart hitting 30 and abt to be single for the first time since 19! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Any words of advice really appreciated..im watching my life as I know it break apart hitting 30 and abt to be single for the first time since 19! Why no proposal or marriage in an 11-year relationship ??? In any contradiction between word and action, I always look at the deeds. And there the message is pretty clear - he's not nearly as committed to your relationship as you are. If your intent is to cement a life together, he doesn't sound like the "one". You should plan accordingly... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author sayit Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I knew one of the comments would be that were not married etc, the truth is neither of us believe in marriage our committment was/is the long term relationship. Lots of people these days co-habit and never marry...being married or not is not the issue..it's whether we can go on. This is really damaging me as a peron, losing confidence, making mistakes at work, not sleeping etc. He say's he is also suffering but manages to keep it under a veil so noone notices but he's hurting to. Im really scared cos if we break up will take years to get over this relationship and I simply do not have years to do that What shall I do ...other than have a breakdown? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I knew one of the comments would be that were not married etc, the truth is neither of us believe in marriage our committment was/is the long term relationship. Lots of people these days co-habit and never marry...being married or not is not the issue..it's whether we can go on. I don't think the statistics are in your favor. Marriage serves as a bond and stabilizer, if for not other reason than it's a hassle to get out of. One of it's consequences might be that a participant would think twice before running off to another country with out you to "improve his languages". I'd also gently suggest that if time is an issue for you, further years spent in such a tenuous relationship don't do you any favors... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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