threelaurels Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Right - sending it doesn't send a HUGE red flag that she has NO IDEA what it means. Here's an NC letter - FOR NO REASON BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HE'S WRITING ME Am I the only one that sees the issue here??? I never said she shouldn't explain the reason for the NC letter. In fact, she should. That way the wife does know about the continued contact. Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 So are you changing your opinion? No, my opinion is still the same. I just may not have been communicating it very well. She should send both of them a NC letter. In this letter, she should disclose the continued contact from the husband. She should then say that she is withdrawing from the situation and that both of them should not contact her any more or she will notify the authorities. The letter should be notarized and, if possible, require the wife's signature so that the husband can't simply throw away the letter and hide it from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) No, my opinion is still the same. I just may not have been communicating it very well. She should send both of them a NC letter. In this letter, she should disclose the continued contact from the husband. She should then say that she is withdrawing from the situation and that both of them should not contact her any more or she will notify the authorities. The letter should be notarized and, if possible, require the wife's signature so that the husband can't simply throw away the letter and hide it from her. But, if she does that she would permanently close the door on MM. Edited March 11, 2013 by Pierre Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Dear BS, Your husband is a cheater. But, more importantly, he's a taker. You can't change a taker in life. You either are or you are not. I'm so incredibly tired of your husband. Do me a favor and train him to stop contacting me, please. Have him feed someone else false hope. He's in my way. Thanks, OW Promises, if I recall correctly, MM's W is seriously ill. She should simply focus on her health, not on what you want her to tell her husband. And, in any case, she cannot control what her husband does or does not do. She can only control her own actions. You will be much happier once you let go of your feelings of anger toward MM's W. (Yes, it still comes through in your posts.) She was never responsible for any of MM's actions or for your own. If he is in your way, change your path to go around him and get to the other side, where you are free of him. Enlist the police if it gets to that. You can do it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Given her situation, what exactly do you believe the BS should be doing differently? I bet she could write her own letter about how her husband is a taker and an A-hole. Still, two women are somehow deeply attached to him. He can't be all bad, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 There are women that beg to marry Charles Manson. Someone wanting someone does not make the desired person 'not all bad'. I fully agree. But of all people, Promises should understand how the BS could want him no matter what an A-hole he is--because Promises wanted him, too. He was as much of an A-hole then as he is now. He must be quite the charmer in some compensating ways. He can lay that charm on the BS as much as he can on the OW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 But, if she does that she would permanently close the door on MM. I'm there now, Pierre. I want out. Door closed. I've said, done nothing to the BS since DDay. But, mark my words here, because of that I guarantee she isn't done. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I'm there now, Pierre. I want out. Door closed. I've said, done nothing to the BS since DDay. But, mark my words here, because of that I guarantee she isn't done. On a deep level his contact is rewarding to you. You do not want to give that up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 On a deep level his contact is rewarding to you. You do not want to give that up. I don't deny that on a deep level his contact made my feelings I had for him feel validated (your top three favorite words).. There is, however, nothing but hurt and remorse and living in the past that I feel now. This beat me down. At some point you make a decision to get up or let the bus wheels break all of your bones. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I don't deny that on a deep level his contact made my feelings I had for him feel validated (your top three favorite words).. There is, however, nothing but hurt and remorse and living in the past that I feel now. This beat me down. At some point you make a decision to get up or let the bus wheels break all of your bones. You are human. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. These endings are brutal because the cure is hermetic NC and yet we crave some sort of contact to medicate the pain. However, these contacts lengthen the recovery time significantly. Quite a dilemma!!!! Hang in there! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 You are human. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. These endings are brutal because the cure is hermetic NC and yet we crave some sort of contact to medicate the pain. However, these contacts lengthen the recovery time significantly. Quite a dilemma!!!! Hang in there! Thank you, Pierre. You brought a tear. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Thank you, Pierre. You brought a tear. I give you a thumbs up for your last few posts promises. I wish you healing and peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I give you a thumbs up for your last few posts promises. I wish you healing and peace. Thanks. I'm not an evil OW. I'm a girl who fell for the wrong boy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Thanks. I'm not an evil OW. I'm a girl who fell for the wrong boy. I don't think most ow are evil, although a few certainly are. Most of us have made bad choices for fill in the blank, reasons. The key is growing wiser and stronger. One key to being wiser in the future is to make sure that the person is worthy and deserving of your love in the future. (A lesson I hope and pray I have learned, btw) Married people are not that person for so many reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Thanks. I'm not an evil OW. I'm a girl who fell for the wrong boy. We know that. So return the damn letters to sender, address unknown. Do something to stop his contact. Put it in a return envelope unopened and send it back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Thanks. I'm not an evil OW. I'm a girl who fell for the wrong boy. The same could be true for the BS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I'm there now, Pierre. I want out. Door closed. I've said, done nothing to the BS since DDay. But, mark my words here, because of that I guarantee she isn't done. Yet she is so ill? Is she dying? If so, then she's focussing on the wrong thing here, putting a vendetta against you whether or not he is part of it or not isn't good. if she is that sick, then she needs to focus on herself and not on you. So, if you hear from her again, then DO send her those letters and let her know he's still bothering you and next time you hear from either of them, they'll get a visit from a cop with an RO against them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 The same could be true for the BS Unless she enables the behavior by staying time and time again...... Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Unless she enables the behavior by staying time and time again...... She enables, you enabled. If you he'd ended up with you, he'd still be an A-hole, and you'd still be enabling. How can you blame her for wanting to hold on to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author promises Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 She enables, you enabled. If you he'd ended up with you, he'd still be an A-hole, and you'd still be enabling. How can you blame her for wanting to hold on to him? You don't know her. But, yes, everyone enabled. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 You don't know her. But, yes, everyone enabled. I don't know her. And I'm sure I can't understand her choices. But neither can I understand the choices of an OW. If you were willing to put up with crap for him, why be shocked that she would put up with more crap? Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Promises, Just remember that it's all about you now. It's about your healing, your new life and your contentment that comes from a life well lived. Do what you have to do so that you don't get contact from him. Unfacebook him, block his phone number, change your personal email, and if you get a letter, walk it to the nearest public garbage can and toss it, unopened and into a garbage you wouldn't publicly dig through to retrieve it. You'll regret throwing it out for about five minutes; you would regret reading it for days. You own you. You own your future and he's not a part of it. You are a great person and you deserve a love that will choose you and put you first. The first step to finding the real "him" is getting rid of the wrong one and healing. Then, buckle up, sister. You'll meet the love of your life and he'll definitely prove to you that he's worth your love. I can just feel it! Good luck. I am so pulling for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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