kyndrad77 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 We broke up in June, I moved 600 miles away, etc. He broke up with me. I tried and tried to change his mind because I knew he loved me. He agreed that he did love me but his religion was in the way ( I would not switch so we broke up). I attempted the no contact rule, but couldn't stick to it. Now I realize that I am glad I didn't. In the last couple of weeks he has actually called FIRST, Emailed FIRST, and even called me back after I emailed him saying that I was upset about something with him. He is still casual, "just friends" but he says little things all the time, like he 'thinks' about me every day (flirty nudity related) but never ventures to say that he wants me back-however, he has said that he's thinking about moving away from his family and learning to be on his own without them around to watch over him. He's not living with them, but he works with his dad, and lives near them, so he considers it not really living on his own. He is thinking about changing jobs, but is looking and internet business etc., nothing that would keep him tied down to one spot. Though he isn't saying it, his consistant communication, and revealing these things to me tells me that he is wanting to come here, but won't tell me until he's sure. I know that he loves me-no question. I don't know what's going to happen, but I have decided not to do no contact. I feel that if I just remain friendly and available to talk, he will be comfortable to get close to me again. He believes that I am dating someone, which I am not. I couldn't. I am okay with that (I didn't tell him, he just assumed and I didn't correct him), because while I am being a friend, I am not the person whose every waking moment revolves around him-so I am not pathetic, and possibly unavailable. I think that this could end up giving him a little boost to make a move. Circumstances right now make it to be a while before anything can happen, but I have learned patience. He's not like everyone else. As long as we're talking and he's flirting, I know there's still interest. I guess I am also okay if it doesn't happen. I have gained so much stregth over the last few months that I am actually enjoying my solitude. My children are way more important, and being new to this state, lots of exploring. Plus I got a puppy to give my love to while my kids are away from me. The main thing I would suggest to anyone is that the 'no contact rule' could back fire. Do what feels right. However, if can't be, at least act confident, but not overly so. Don't try so hard. Everyone likes to be around confident, fun people. Make them remember what it was that got them loving you in the first place. Go back to that. That way, even if it doesn't work out, your confidence will attract someone who will adore you. Also, instead of dwelling on what's wrong, thing about what you've still got going for you and what you can build on. If you get yourself busy, time will pass quicker, and you will feel confident-confidence attracts. You don't want to be felt sorry for. Pity is not love. Be careful with this. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I really like what you're saying about pity not being the same as love. In my situation, the guy was an emotional manipulator. The whole thing was hurtful. No contact in those circumstances is a good idea. In situations like yours, where one partner is confused but still connected, maybe it's not such a good idea. As with all rules, they need to be applied in context. You're giving us all something to think about. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
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