trevzilla Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 So lately there's this nice woman in my circle and a couple have taken it upon themselves to set me up with her. They've pressed the issue like 4 times now and today the guy texted me her contact info and said she was interested. I was hoping they'd get the hint that I wasn't interested. I hate telling people I'm not attracted to someone, because they jump down your throat and say you're shallow or picky. She's slim, nice has a good career but there's like zero spark of physical attraction. I would love to be able to flip a switch and turn that on. I've tried in the past going on dates with women I felt so so about, but it always was a flop and they could sense that I wasn't feeling it. What can I say, I like what I like and what I like isn't always what my friends like, it's just my personal preference for a certain type. I just don't like leading a woman on who's into me when the feeling isn't mutual and I've never been an "any port in a storm" guy. I thought I'd just vent, it's a real drag trying to find someone out there with mutual chemistry who is available and who is a good personality fit. Now I'm probably going to have to be blunt and tell them to lay off trying to set me up with the inevitable bashing of my character. Sigh.... Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 So lately there's this nice woman in my circle and a couple have taken it upon themselves to set me up with her. They've pressed the issue like 4 times now and today the guy texted me her contact info and said she was interested. I was hoping they'd get the hint that I wasn't interested. I hate telling people I'm not attracted to someone, because they jump down your throat and say you're shallow or picky. She's slim, nice has a good career but there's like zero spark of physical attraction. I would love to be able to flip a switch and turn that on. I've tried in the past going on dates with women I felt so so about, but it always was a flop and they could sense that I wasn't feeling it. What can I say, I like what I like and what I like isn't always what my friends like, it's just my personal preference for a certain type. I just don't like leading a woman on who's into me when the feeling isn't mutual and I've never been an "any port in a storm" guy. I thought I'd just vent, it's a real drag trying to find someone out there with mutual chemistry who is available and who is a good personality fit. Now I'm probably going to have to be blunt and tell them to lay off trying to set me up with the inevitable bashing of my character. Sigh.... Nah, I'm not going to bash you... I agree with you. We can all lie on here and say we are not all shallow beings, but we are to varying degrees. If we are not physically atracted to someone then it is hard to overcome that by being attracted to their personalities. Also, I think what you are doing is a good thing. Don't lead the poor girl on. So instead of wasting both of yours time and money, and possibly feelings you are letting her know that you are not interested. I think it takes a bigger man to do that than to say take her on a date, get her hopes up, and then just lead her on for a bit because they are too cowerdly to just tell her "no". We like what we like... I know I have my preferances and you have yours. good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Just tell them you aren't really into her, sorry. Be a man, head it off before it turns into a dramabomb, it's only a big deal if you make it into one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trevzilla Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Just tell them you aren't really into her, sorry. Be a man, head it off before it turns into a dramabomb, it's only a big deal if you make it into one. If either of them brings it up again, I'll be point blank. I've never had a problem telling people that physical attraction is a must, I just got tired of being judged for it. Example is a couple of girls calling me shallow at my last job, and then browsing celeb sites and judging the looks of various male celebrities and saying this or that guy was ugly and what's she doing with him. At least I'm honest. I don't see why people feel like they have to dance around the subject, it's how we're wired. Just accept it. You're only shallow if all you care about is looks. That's just my starting point. Edited March 12, 2013 by trevzilla 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 If either of them brings it up again, I'll be point blank. I've never had a problem telling people that physical attraction is a must, I just got tired of being judged for it. Example is a couple of girls calling me shallow at my last job, and then browsing celeb sites and judging the looks of various male celebrities and saying this or that guy was ugly and what's she doing with him. At least I'm honest. I don't see why people feel like they have to dance around the subject, it's how we're wired. Just accept it. You're only shallow if all you care about is looks. That's just my starting point. You say it in a nice way w/o mentioning physical attractiveness or standards etc. I'm just not that into her, I'm willing to go out with you guys and do fun things as a group but I don't want to call it a date, give her the wrong idea and hurt her feelings. As far as women calling you shallow...they're just trying to shame you and/or bully you into doing something. Women are far more shallow than men are, they have no room to talk about that sort of thing anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trevzilla Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 You say it in a nice way w/o mentioning physical attractiveness or standards etc. I'm just not that into her, I'm willing to go out with you guys and do fun things as a group but I don't want to call it a date, give her the wrong idea and hurt her feelings. As far as women calling you shallow...they're just trying to shame you and/or bully you into doing something. Women are far more shallow than men are, they have no room to talk about that sort of thing anyways. Well I think in general men are more reasonable. Most guys would be happy with a girl that is cute and nice. After reading Marry Him by Laurie Gotlieb, I was like wtf, women reject guys over stuff like his clothes and bad hair and all kinds of silly reasons. Not saying all women are like that, but I suspect the older you get the less likely you are to meet a reasonable woman as some lucky guy has snapped her up. I see tons of women I find attractive, so I don't think my standards are ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
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