what to do???

[angeleyes_ab]

last friday night i ended up sleeping with this guy that i have known for a little over 2 months. i knew he kinda liked me by the way his friends would talk and stuff. he was a virgin before we had sex. and that night he had told my best friend that he wouldn't have sex with me but we could fool around. so when it came down to it we ended up having sex. he told me we should have done this a long time ago. but right before we had sex he was talking with my best friend and told her that he wanted to care about the person and be in a relationship before he had sex with anyone. why did he have sex with me then? well anyways afterwards he didn't talk to me didn't say bye to me when i left. he hasn't tried to call me since that happened. and i am lost. i want to know if he regrets it or what is going on. i feel terrible. i care for him i really do. no one knows that. i honestly think he cares for me to inless this was all bs. i just don't know what to think anymore. i am so confused. what should i do???? thanks ....

[Nic]

losing your virginity can be a strange thing. it may live up to your expectations, it may not. it can also leave you feeling a little awkward afterward too because it's such a huge step to take. and because he's never had sex before, he simply may not know how to act aftwerwards because he's never been in that situation before.

 

just because he had sex with you doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. it was ideal for him to be in a relationship before having sex, but it was also ideal for him to care about the person.

 

on the other hand, he might have got caught up in the moment with someone he cares about and wondered if he did the right thing afterwards. it was his first time, so he's probably got a lot of feelings flowing through him. losing your virginity is a big thing and affects most people in a big way.

 

if you feel comfortable enough, just ring him and make general conversation and if the conversation leads towards what happened, ask him how he feels about it. let him know you really care about him, because he may not know that and that may be getting to him. there is every chance he might not want to talk about it because he feels awkward. or alternatively, ask any of his close friends. and don't take it personally if he does regret it. he might have thought he was doing the right thing at the time but not really have been as ready for it as he thought he was.

 

so whatever happens, don't take things personally. if he feels it was a mistake, it has nothing to do with you as a person. the timing could have been wrong for him, maybe he feels he disrespected you, or maybe he would rather have been in a relationship, maybe he didn't anticipate feeling awkward aftwerwards, who knows. it could be one of many things. you both care about each other and neither of you did anything wrong and remember that. it was a learning experience for you both. and if it was bs, who needs him as a friend anyway. put it down to experience and try not to let it eat you up too much until you can find out how he's feeling.

 

last friday night i ended up sleeping with this guy that i have known for a little over 2 months. i knew he kinda liked me by the way his friends would talk and stuff. he was a virgin before we had sex. and that night he had told my best friend that he wouldn't have sex with me but we could fool around. so when it came down to it we ended up having sex. he told me we should have done this a long time ago. but right before we had sex he was talking with my best friend and told her that he wanted to care about the person and be in a relationship before he had sex with anyone. why did he have sex with me then? well anyways afterwards he didn't talk to me didn't say bye to me when i left. he hasn't tried to call me since that happened. and i am lost. i want to know if he regrets it or what is going on. i feel terrible. i care for him i really do. no one knows that. i honestly think he cares for me to inless this was all bs. i just don't know what to think anymore. i am so confused. what should i do???? thanks ....

[Tony T]

So you went to bed with a guy you've known for two months; a guy who passes information, feelings, and his sexual plans for you through a friend; a guy who told his friend, just before you had sex, he wanted to care for someone before he had sex with anyone.

 

Well, there's a problem with communication and semantics here. To a guy, making love and having sex is two different things. I didn't pick up any sign that the two of you had expressed loving feelings for each other. He has never told you her loves you...or at least if he has that's an important detail you left out.

 

So what you have here is a horney virgin, if he actually told the truth about being a virgin, who had SEX with you rather than MAKE LOVE with you.

 

After sex, he didn't talk to you and just left. Well, there are several possiblities. He really was a virgin and was in the state of total and complete shock and/or euphoria because of this experience. Since we already know he is truly poor communicator because he tells his friends one thing and does another, maybe that's why he wasn't able to talk and just left. Maybe this was a slam, bam thank you mam deal and you have just been had.

 

This is not a mindreading site so there's no way to know for sure what's going on. But this guy has been extremely rude to you. Anybody who passes all this personal information back and forth through friends is either a coward or a pure unadulterated liar who can't lie to your face.

 

Since he is so great at passing stuff through friends, and since surely he's let them know what happened, maybe you can get some information through those friends. The best route is to go straight to him and confront him. Just ask him straight out why he had sex with you, then just left and hasn't called since. Let him know you have a right to know what his agenda was.

 

My best guess is that he wasn't a virgin and/or you got used. I mean guys know that women really love to be a guy's first and if he finds that out he can use that line for a few years very successfully.

 

How much more rude can a guy be, virgin or not, to have sex with a girl...not say anything more to her...just leave...and not call her again. Unless he is severely retarded (mentally challenged), I think he's is the biggest scumbag on the face of the earth.

 

And how can you honestly think he cares about you if he has been so incredibly rude?

 

Next time, find a guy who wants to make love to you...not just have sex. But if you just want to have sex, don't expect a lot out of the guy afterwards.

[sparkle]

This guy sits there and tells your best friend what he is/isn't going to do in bed with you?? That sounds pretty

 

immature. What two people who care about each other do in bed is their own business.

 

But when guys go around talking about their business with your best friend, who knows how many of his own guy friends he'll go around telling. That shows how much this guy cared

 

for you.

 

Were you two going out? Were you two committed to each other?

 

I'm REALLY sorry to say this, but this could've been prevented if you used your head.

 

You said, "i knew he kinda liked me by the way his friends would talk and stuff". He KINDA liked you??? And you only heard this from his friends? So you two weren't even in a relationship.

 

I think he realized that you would have sex with him. You were ready and willing. This guy was a virgin who couldn't wait to lose his virginity. You gave, he took, he left.

 

You can't make a guy like you by having sex with him.

 

I'm sorry he did this to you. You don't need to talk to this jerk. In the future, be careful about having sex with a guy after you've known him for only 2 months. He might think that that's all you're after, instead of relationship material.

[Deejette]

This withdrawal thing after sex happens to women a lot. Women feel that they have had a close experience and they are stunned when the guy retreats to his emotional distance and she is left asking tons of questions, including, am I good enough, pretty enough, too emotional, etc.

 

We leave ourselves very vulnerable when we open up sexually to a man. That is why it is really important to know the guy thoroughly before we share such an intimate experience with him.

This guy sits there and tells your best friend what he is/isn't going to do in bed with you?? That sounds pretty immature. What two people who care about each other do in bed is their own business. But when guys go around talking about their business with your best friend, who knows how many of his own guy friends he'll go around telling. That shows how much this guy cared for you. Were you two going out? Were you two committed to each other? I'm REALLY sorry to say this, but this could've been prevented if you used your head. You said, "i knew he kinda liked me by the way his friends would talk and stuff". He KINDA liked you??? And you only heard this from his friends? So you two weren't even in a relationship. I think he realized that you would have sex with him. You were ready and willing. This guy was a virgin who couldn't wait to lose his virginity. You gave, he took, he left. You can't make a guy like you by having sex with him. I'm sorry he did this to you. You don't need to talk to this jerk. In the future, be careful about having sex with a guy after you've known him for only 2 months. He might think that that's all you're after, instead of relationship material.