Where did it all go wrong?

[seriously-let-down]

Here's another thing my STBXW is doing. I am doing NC, no point even talking to the woman. This is what she wanted, we will never be friends now. In time, maybe. But we ain't going to be buddies like we were before. You don't hurt people and remain friends.

 

Right, so what am I getting at? I'm doing the NC thing, but usually around the 2 week mark of nothing I'll get a message, or some initiated by her? She's found this, or Do I have ......? so on. I'm beginning to think is this a reason to keep in touch? Because to be honest I don't want her now! This is her creation, I wanted it to work. It was her calling the shots! She has the new man, that man that I would never be. (Her words!) Why can't the woman just forget it, stop contacting me. I haven't contacted her since Mid - January. I have no reason to. If I have mail delivered there, then push it through my letterbox. If I find something in my possessions of hers I'll mail them to her, without the need to ring, message, etc to make contact.

 

That part of my life is over, That woman is not the woman I married, that woman is dead. She just somebody else who sounds, smells and looks like that beautiful woman i married. I used to laugh at family guy joking about cosmetic surgery. I'm living that laugh.

 

Stronger times ahead, onwards and upwards.

[seriously-let-down]

I don't know what the hell is going on in my head today, but I feel so down. I feel as though I deserve all this that is happening to me. But why? I just feel that my STBXW is having a great life, and I'm not. SO that brings into my mind the question Was I that sad and boring?

 

I haven't been well for over a week, and there seems to be no sign of me getting better. A nasty virus, just can't shift it. Its ruined Easter, haven't been able to function.

 

My STBXW I know is having a holiday now, Where am I?

 

Other aspects of my life seem to be dragging?

 

Its as though Karma is dicking me? But what did I do wrong to be being dicked so much? I was always under the impression you send out and it returns 3 fold. I seem to be getting something 3 fold? but why?

 

Sorry I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I shouldn't be, I have no reason to be, there are plenty more worse off than me.

 

I just feel hopeless, everybody's lives seems to be moving forward for the better, and mine seems to be going backwards. Even though I try to improve myself. Nobody has ever done anything to help me, its always been on my own merit. I suppose when I see people getting on without merit it proper angers me!

 

Trying to be strong, but I'm only human.

[SomethingNew80]

It changes. My husband was previously divorced and saw his ex doing well while he was suffering. Fast forward several years and she is unhappy with the new guy, lives in a dump, constantly broke & is doing much worse than when they were married. He has been promoted, great job, nice big house and is doing well.

 

Just give yourself some time.

[SuperGeek]

I can also attest to getting rid of facebook, especially when going through a divorce. Women have it extremely easy in regards to obtaining NSA sex, so it is for your own mental sanity to STOP with the facebook, unless you want to watch her having a nice set of flings with all kinds of men soon. Its even worse when your ex has no concept of what 'privacy boundaries' are (such as my ex) and post everything they do to social media. You will just repeatedly rip open the wound everytime you log into check her profile.

 

Another thing, don't search for her on google either. You'll find her doing stuff that will just blow your mind and damn near tear your heart out. I know because I have been through it myself.

 

SuperGeek

 

Yeah, I can attest to that. Wish I figured that out earlier than I did. I am going to make it my mission in life to make sure that the absolute first step in any life changing divorce or break up is to deactivate Facebook. It is the biggest and most absolute evil on earth as far as relationships go.

[seriously-let-down]

Sorry for ranting and moaning earlier. I think because I am ill and I'm feeling low I let what I'm seeing play with my emotions. I generally believe that there are people in this town who believe what my STBXW tells them. Perhaps because I'm the out of towner!

 

As I was saying the other day, Karma is 3 folding me for some reason? But for me to move forward in my life i need to confront my demons. I'm not religious but I am being tested.

 

Tomorrow is going to be a positive day, where I get back on that horse and start riding again. I'm not letting my past grind me down, like they want it too.

 

If what I'm getting is 3 fold, I wouldn't like the 3 fold from this. But I don't want any harm to come to anyone.

 

Sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm not on drugs, or Drink or any other substance.

 

Be strong again.

[Darth Vader]

Here's another thing my STBXW is doing. I am doing NC, no point even talking to the woman. This is what she wanted, we will never be friends now. In time, maybe. But we ain't going to be buddies like we were before. You don't hurt people and remain friends.

 

Right, so what am I getting at? I'm doing the NC thing, but usually around the 2 week mark of nothing I'll get a message, or some initiated by her? She's found this, or Do I have ......? so on. I'm beginning to think is this a reason to keep in touch? Because to be honest I don't want her now! This is her creation, I wanted it to work. It was her calling the shots! She has the new man, that man that I would never be. (Her words!) Why can't the woman just forget it, stop contacting me. I haven't contacted her since Mid - January. I have no reason to. If I have mail delivered there, then push it through my letterbox. If I find something in my possessions of hers I'll mail them to her, without the need to ring, message, etc to make contact.

 

That part of my life is over, That woman is not the woman I married, that woman is dead. She just somebody else who sounds, smells and looks like that beautiful woman i married. I used to laugh at family guy joking about cosmetic surgery. I'm living that laugh.

 

Stronger times ahead, onwards and upwards.

 

 

Why not change your number? Stop reading her E-mails, or change E-Mail accounts! Make sure you fall off the planet as far as she's concerned! She wants to make sure you're "waiting" for her while she keeps you on the back burner! When's the divorce final?

Edited April 5, 2013 by Darth Vader

[seriously-let-down]

Well today I've been walking around in a daze. I've had a dream that has really disturbed me. I actually woke myself up crying. Below is the brief contents of the dream, but it really has unhinged me.

 

I dreamt that everybody started hate me, all my friends and family didn't believe a word I said, my STBXW had made up stories that they believed. I was lonely, my STBXW appeared and told me to come back to the marital home. When I got there she started to behave weird. Then she said that she was getting engaged on her birthday to the guy she left me for. I said you can't we ain't divorced yet! to which she replied we will be the day before my birthday. Then she kept laughing in my face and calling me a loser.

 

It's 5 months now since we ended, but that dream took me back to the morning after she told me it was over. It really hurt, and there is nothing I can do about it. I've noticed that I'm having dreams that now involve my STBXW being hurtful. I have NC with her, I'm not checking FB or getting any emails. I get the odd SMS message but its nothing to do with us, usually something of mine she has found. I'm ignoring people who say things to me now. I am having nothing to do with her, but now my mind is torturing me? I've had dreams in the past of ex's but never ever that nasty. I hope I have a nice dream tonight of a brighter future, but I doubt it.

 

Does anybody else experienced these hurtful dreams. Is it normal? Is it my brain telling me what a nasty beach my STBXW is? Is it my brain coping with the way she hurt me. I don't want to dream like that again. I try not to have her on my mind at bedtime also. That was a nightmare that you used to have as a child, the disturbing ones. You could say I've felt like a lost little boy all day!!!!!!

[Shocked Suzie]

Well today I've been walking around in a daze. I've had a dream that has really disturbed me. I actually woke myself up crying. Below is the brief contents of the dream, but it really has unhinged me.

 

I dreamt that everybody started hate me, all my friends and family didn't believe a word I said, my STBXW had made up stories that they believed. I was lonely, my STBXW appeared and told me to come back to the marital home. When I got there she started to behave weird. Then she said that she was getting engaged on her birthday to the guy she left me for. I said you can't we ain't divorced yet! to which she replied we will be the day before my birthday. Then she kept laughing in my face and calling me a loser.

 

It's 5 months now since we ended, but that dream took me back to the morning after she told me it was over. It really hurt, and there is nothing I can do about it. I've noticed that I'm having dreams that now involve my STBXW being hurtful. I have NC with her, I'm not checking FB or getting any emails. I get the odd SMS message but its nothing to do with us, usually something of mine she has found. I'm ignoring people who say things to me now. I am having nothing to do with her, but now my mind is torturing me? I've had dreams in the past of ex's but never ever that nasty. I hope I have a nice dream tonight of a brighter future, but I doubt it.

 

Does anybody else experienced these hurtful dreams. Is it normal? Is it my brain telling me what a nasty beach my STBXW is? Is it my brain coping with the way she hurt me. I don't want to dream like that again. I try not to have her on my mind at bedtime also. That was a nightmare that you used to have as a child, the disturbing ones. You could say I've felt like a lost little boy all day!!!!!!

 

It's really odd! Since my XH told me about his affair I had no dreams at all...just blackness! The past week I've had varied dreams with him in them, most of them are of me feeling lost and sad...even had one with me him n another woman having sex lol, all of which though leave me feeling very low when I wake and thinking of him and what the dream means throughout the day.

 

Maybe its part of the healing process....not nice