BrokenPrincess Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Absolutely, it's validation that you "meant something" rather than JUST being a piece of A*#. Is THAT so horrible?!?' ^^^LOL this might be signature-worthy Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Brokenprincess; I'm so sorry. I think when I try to understand things, I do so by trying to relate it to something similar that I have experienced but I clearly see it is totally different. It was not my intention to minimize to suit my experience. Maybe one day it will be more similar to that of the lovès of our youth but the whole A includes grown up love, life-altering betrayal, and the demise of either the W,family& M or the A & AP. I'm so sorry Broken Princess. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) Yes, of course. If they’re sad and missing you, then you don’t feel as alone in YOUR sorrow and longing for them. In a way, you're still "together" in your feelings, even if you're not together in a relationship anymore. Also, if they miss you, you may be able to retain some hope that maybe they’ll “realise” they’ve made a mistake and may try to be with you again. This hope sometimes makes it a bit less horrible to get through the earlier stages post-BU. And also, if they miss you and are sad, it shows you that what you felt for each other, what they felt for you, was real. That provides some comfort even if you have nothing else left. Apart from these reasons, I wouldn’t want to know my ex was hurting. It still wouldn’t change the situation, and I wouldn’t want him to want ME to be in pain. That’s not very nice, is it? Lol. For me, the feelings (love, sadness, missing) don’t necessarily equate to the situation (could we actually be together? No.) That makes it easier for me to deal with. Edited March 13, 2013 by stevie_23 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Do I wonder if xmw thinks of me? I used to (good way to go crazy). Now, I don't care. It makes absolutely no difference now whether she does or doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Brokenprincess; I'm so sorry. I think when I try to understand things, I do so by trying to relate it to something similar that I have experienced but I clearly see it is totally different. It was not my intention to minimize to suit my experience. Maybe one day it will be more similar to that of the lovès of our youth but the whole A includes grown up love, life-altering betrayal, and the demise of either the W,family& M or the A & AP. I'm so sorry Broken Princess. Why are you apologizing? Because you are too sweet? I think its amazing that you are trying to understand this xOW/OM obsessing, and course you would apply the closest frame of reference you have from your experience. My response wasn't intended to make you feel bad...was just trying to explain! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 When ending your A, do you wonder if the OM/OW is thinking of you and missing you as much as you miss them? Do you silently/secretly wish THEY would break the silence and fight for you? Some days are easier then others. I'm still being strong and haven't given in. I just sometimes wish I knew he was hurting too. Banging my head off walls again.... I will tell you this, I am 100% committed to my M and my life, it has been over a year since I have even spoken to my XMM, and I still think of him, I still miss him at times. I don't miss the lies and deception, but I miss him. I do know what we had was real, and in another place and time it could have been wonderful. But that isn't this place and time. I think the other poster is right, your wanting validation....and of course you do. Who doesn't want to feel validate that they were loved??? I think if your relationship was real, and there were true feelings, I am sure that person thinks of you. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Breathless Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 That question used to drive me nutty debating whether or not I meant just as much to him as he meant to me one moment and then the next moment, I wondered if I was just a side chick. But while catching up with a mutual friend (who does not know about the A), she mention how xMM said the saddest thing the other day, he said that he was pretty much dead inside nowadays. My thoughts instantly went into concern for him, his happiness and how he should be reminded of all the wonderful things in his life to be appreciated. It wasn't until much later, I wondered (like a fool) if maybe he felt that way bc some tiny piece of him misses me. It didn't give me a momentary ego boost or sliver of hope that he cared, it made me sad that someone I cared about was hurting. I think about it far less now and I actually came to peace with it - tragic love affair or side chick - it doesn't matter anymore. Regardless of what or if he thinks about me, it will not change what I feel towards xMM - I obviously care for him. I still hold him dear to my heart even after all this time. But I will never be part of his life nor will he ever be a part of mine. It's for the best for both of us...Once I accepted this fact of life - I was able to find a little peace in my mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 When ending your A, do you wonder if the OM/OW is thinking of you and missing you as much as you miss them? Do you silently/secretly wish THEY would break the silence and fight for you? Some days are easier then others. I'm still being strong and haven't given in. I just sometimes wish I knew he was hurting too. Banging my head off walls again.... I used to. I think after every break up,A or not, people generally start to wonder about whether or not they really meant anything to this person, was it all lies, are they moved on, do they miss them etc. It's a normal train of thought. It's not fun though but you're normal lol! Eventually I didn't care anymore and surprisingly when I had a new boyfriend and was moved on was when he returned after a year of NC to tell me happy birthday and that he neevr stopped thinking about me and would want to reach out but didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 loredo can I ask you a question w/my fullest sincerity? Do you wonder if exmm thinks of you... in the same way you think of him in hopes it's not one-sided? Or so the the entire A doesn't feel pointless or friutless? Or could it be a tiny little bit of ego? I'm sincerely curious. Because once in a great while, I'll think of past boyfriends I dated and (w/out "feelings") wonder if they ever once a great while think of me. Like did I have a positive impact on their lives? I think that is my ego a little...* But is it like that loredo? CIH, I think your question is valid. and I would have to say it may be a little of everything you mentioned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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